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The ginger chafer

March 15, 2014

Those eyebrows are getting more orange with every passing day. They are now looking distinctly ginger. Perhaps it was seeing him in the direct tropical sunshine here in Barbados, but Currencies Direct client John “Chuckle Brothers” Surtees now looks a natural for any Easyjet advertising campaign. At first I thought that his excuse, that he had mistaken some kind of sun screen for moisturiser was perfectly acceptable, and something any of us might have done, but upon reflection, who would put any kind of cream on ones eyebrows? And judging by the gradually increasing effects, is he doing this regularly? I think questions need to be asked, and I think I am the man to ask them.

We had walked along the beautiful beaches of St James to the Beach House restaurant at Holetown to have lunch at this fabulous beachside eaterie, courtesy of the owners of the owners of the wonderful Cornucopia, who had taken pity on us because of the works going on next door. It is a couple of miles along the coast and after a fabulous lunch, we decided to walk back rather than grab the taxi I had been promised. Manfully, despite a dodgy ankle and the application of a few beers and some Whispering Angel, a Provence wine made just a few miles from our house in Valbonne, I refrained from complaining about the pain this might cause, and here I was different to Chuckle. It appears that whilst walking back, a combination of his legs rubbing together, sweaty shorts and sand lodging in the wedding tackle department, he was chafing badly by the time we were half way home. Had this befallen me, I like to think that I would have stoically and refrained from making the problem public (or should I say pubic?). I am sure that, however painful, I would not have walked like a sumo wrestler with extra large gonads, but each to their own.

beachside dining

The Cliff, Barbados. Simply stunning

Then last night, to the Cliff. I am struggling to think of a nicer setting anywhere in the world. It sits above a tiny beautifully lit turquoise sea with flaming torches all along the ramparts and was quite frankly the most magnificent combination of food, drinks and ambiance I have ever experienced. There is a lot of hype about The Cliff and so with expectation high, there is always a danger that those expectations might not be met. They were. And the know how to charge. For 6 of us, starting with gins and tonic, going through the whole menu, drinking a very nice Rioja, and finishing with either a desert wine or a glass of port, there was very little change out of a grand, but if I tell you it was worth it, you may be able to gauge how good it was.

The occasion was the birthday celebration for gruff northerner Steve “trouble up t’mill” Jackson, who looked contented as soon as we arrived and he was able to put his feet up on a pouffe. I don’t think he was being homophobic, he just considers homosexuals on the same level as all southerners, including myself. Actually, come to think of it, it is southerners to which he really objects.

And so today is our last full day in the paradise that is Barbados. I usually say that given the limited time available to me, and the number of places on my bucket list which have not yet benefited from my company, that I would not readily return to a place far away that I have been before, but I think in the case of this fantastic island I shall be making an exception.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 15, 2014 12:17 pm

    Sounds like paradise! Well you’ve set me a challenge as I can’t resist the word ‘chafe’ !

    When your gonads and thighs start to chafe,
    (And in this claim I think I am safe),
    Your tackle’s unbearable,
    Your G string’s unwearable,
    And it’s true whether richman or waif !!

    Best I can come up with. Bet my fellow rhymer’s can do better !

    Like

    • March 15, 2014 2:27 pm

      Love it!

      Like

  2. Helen permalink
    March 15, 2014 12:34 pm

    Take the taxi I said to the “Chafer”
    No more sand up the cracks, we’ll be safer
    though we like walks alot
    no skin’s left on my bot.
    it’s been sanded right down to a wafer !!

    Like

    • March 15, 2014 2:26 pm

      Fab! Again much amusement at breakfast!

      Like

  3. Helen permalink
    March 15, 2014 12:36 pm

    Mine is along the same lines Rev. Couldn’t resist ….

    Like

  4. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 15, 2014 1:39 pm

    Excellent Helen and definitely better than mine. I reckon it’s up Howzaaat or Patrick to do even better…..no pressure there then lads….!!

    Like

  5. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 15, 2014 2:24 pm

    With his gonad’s inflamed to their maxi,
    And the itching now chafing his jacksie,
    Poor Chuckle cried ” Ants,
    Have invaded invaded my pants” !!
    As he ‘gingerly’ walked to the taxi !

    Like

    • March 15, 2014 2:26 pm

      Brilliant! And much enjoyed at the breakfast table o

      Like

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