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Alistair Darlings love child?

March 11, 2014

Arising before 8am is usually socially unacceptable in my little world but as we are 4 hours behind the UK whilst here in Barbados, and that equates to midday in The UK, I was prepared for the sense of unease that overtook me when first looking at the clock.

Having been seriously rum punched by the homemade version of the local brew the night before, and fancying a greasy breakfast to settle the stomach, I suggested that we should go for a walk on the beach and see if we could find such an animal.

Steve “trouble up t’mill” had made a true Yorkshire fashion statement at the cricket yesterday, by proudly wearing his cricket shirt emblazoned with his clubs sponsors logo (Rippon Interiors no less) emblazoned in a less than subtle manner across his chest, but Currencies Direct client John “Chuckle Brothers” Surtees went one further yesterday morning when it was noticed that his eyebrows were going orange. His excuse was that he had mixed up after-sun cream with some type of tanning lotion, creating a look which was dubbed “a touch of ginger”. Rachael “Lady In Waiting” promised to dye them back to black last night. As I write, I have yet to see the result, but do hope that we don’t have to face something that could be confused with Alistair Darling’s love child when we arrive down for breakfast this morning.

We found Treasure Beach Hotel was offering breakfast and so we partook before walking up the renowned St James beaches past the world famous Sandy Lane and then back again, by which time thirst was the main problem so we stopped off for a restorative ale at a beach bar called Coconut.

fishing at St James

The west coast of Barbados

Whilst we were there, two heavily armed and seriously camouflaged soldiers wandered through the bar onto the beach. It was a rather incongruous sight, and we could only surmise that they may have been searching for a dodgy looking man with ginger eyebrows. Trouble mentioned that it was illegal to wear camouflage clothing on the neighbouring island of St Lucia, but then added “but how would anyone be able to tell?”. He has a point.

After an afternoon spent recharging by the pool, we considered going back to Coconut to see if we could capture a true Bajan west coast sunset, but in the end we settled for watching it at the magnificent Cornucopia, where we are staying. I think we did, but it was slightly rum enhanced sunset. Beautiful but a bit hazy, and could refer to both to the sunset, our respective wives and the amount of rum punch the party had consumed. Even the beautiful Rowena, Sensible WAG, wife and carer to Trouble lost some of her legendary control and was absent for dinner.

I had been sent down to Karibu, the local Bajan restuarant where we had dined on exotic dishes such as curried mango a few days earlier, with the Chuckle Brother supporter to secure ready cooked provisions, and, arriving back, was overcome by a bout of extreme tiredness and retired to my pit at something like 8pm, I was not the first.

It was not before Chuckle and I had performed a philanthropic act (which has nothing to do with stamp collecting) by donating the tickets for the cricket today, originally earmarked for the WAGS, to the deserving cook at Karibu, the ethnic restaurant at the bottom of Holders Hill. Unaccountably, they have decided that they would prefer to sun bathe and then have lunch rather than brave Bridgetown for the second 20:20 cricket match between England at West Indies. We are under no illusions, there is no tacit promise of free food on nights to come, but I live in hope.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Helen permalink
    March 11, 2014 10:52 am

    John Surtees, we called “touch of ginger”,
    turned into a moany old whinger
    with eyebrows so strange
    we thought he had mange
    poor Rachael, it nearly unhinged her.!!

    Like

    • March 11, 2014 1:03 pm

      Very good! Read out at breakfast to huge guffaws!

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

      Like

      • Helen Blackburn permalink
        March 11, 2014 2:48 pm

        Happy to hear that Chris. I must have learned something , being married to a comedy writer for all of those years … Glad you are all having fun .:)

        Like

  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 11, 2014 11:36 am

    Excellent Helen you’re getting better and better at this. Superb last line ! Thanks for bringing back some decent weather as well !

    A sponsored shirt! My what a toff,
    Does Steve think his name’s Darren Gough !
    I once used that crew,
    To spruce up my loo,
    Rippon ? I’d say more like rip off !!

    I this juncture and to avoid the possibility of being sued for defamation I should point out that I have never used Rippon Interiors to spruce up my loo and I’m sure they are a wonderful and talented company of decorators/designers !!! It was simply poetic licence…..honest guv !!

    Enjoy the T20 Chris…let’s hope England turn up today.

    Like

    • Helen Blackburn permalink
      March 11, 2014 12:26 pm

      Thanks Rev. Loved yours a lot too .

      Like

    • March 11, 2014 1:05 pm

      Excellent limerick, again brightening the breakfast table! Fingers crossed for the cricket

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

      Like

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