Skip to content

A Shoreham it’s OK?

December 1, 2013

On the train from Victoria early yesterday morning, I thought back to the splendid show “Eat Pray and Laugh” the Barry Humphries Farewell Tour (before the next Farewell tour as he put it) we had witnessed the night before. I was surprised by the number of gays in the audience because I think it could be said his character Dame Edna is not entirely sympathetic to homosexuals. The Dame was in top form, picking on anyone in the front rows. I particularly liked his comment to the hapless girl in the audience, who was one of a string of people he picked on; “Did you have an argument with your hairdresser before you came out tonight?” Ouch.


Barry Humphries finale at the Palladium

His other major comic character invention, Les Patterson was at his projectile phlegm launching and farting best. This is another reason not to sit anywhere near the front. I liked the clearly gay man of the cloth character with an electronic tag and a penchant for young children, massively politically incorrect, who unaccountably reminded me of our own dear Reverend Jeff. I wonder why? However i think the Reverend’s tastes were for older women, if my memory of your youth together is anything to go by.

Last night, we headed our for a drink at The Eagle, a favourite of Sprog 2 who was in town to extract food, money, and whatever else she can eat, drink or carry from her doting parents, but a private party meant a diversion to the Queens Legs, where we availed ourselves of their splendid idea of getting a take away and eating it over a drink in the pub. They even supply plates, napkins and cutlery, which is about as far-sighted and intelligent as opening up an account with Currencies Direct for your foreign exchange needs.

Today we shall journey over to Shoreham On Sea to be cooked lunch by the beautiful and Mighty Omega, commonly known as Meg, and her bit of rough betrothed James “Desperate Dan” the Landlord, not just for lunch but also a pub crawl, not necessarily in that order. A heart of gold exists under then brooding menacing exterior, (Desperate that is, not the Mighty Omega) and I will not to let any thoughts of cavemen crowd in as we see what Shoreham is all about. The town does not have a great reputation; for instance I heard a comment in a pub recently which went along the lines of “What to you get if you cross Shoreham with a bike?” The answer was “mugged probably”. At least it seems to have a different character to nearby Littlehampton, where you have to keep a constant 360 degree look out for out of control mobility scooters. No, it has a younger, more thrusting and less crusty reputation, so I will take my pepper spray and my stun gun and rely on the imposing presence of Desperate for security.

The planned diet day on Monday has been scuppered and it was nothing to do with me. For once in my life I was glad to hear from the original misguided northern git Steve “Trouble up t’ Mill” Jackson, who has escaped from his beloved north of England and will be in Arundel tomorrow. He must have escaped as he would never get time of for good behaviour, as he does not understand that concept. I will not have a word said against him though, as he has offered to take us out to lunch (doubtless at my expense) and to drive, allowing the tight embrace of the drink driving laws to be relaxed, well in my case anyway. Hurrah!

Chris France

22 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    December 1, 2013 12:40 pm

    My favourite Dame Edna quote.

    “I’m trying to find a word to describe your dress…..affordable”

    Farting old bores you will find,
    Like Sir Les….well youknow the kind,
    Either go to the dogs,
    Or pen lurid blogs,
    But I’ve got no one special in mind !!

    Honest !!!!


  2. Winnie permalink
    December 1, 2013 1:03 pm

    I don’t know ! Reading this blog gives me the impression that the idle rich have a pretty rough life. I’ve been thinking, we ought to help somehow, that is, those of us that are free of such a terrible infirmity and have the time to spare …


  3. December 1, 2013 1:06 pm

    Of course, one has heard that many rich people are unhappy and lead miserable lives; but I always used to argue that if they suffer from riches, it must be their own fault. Nobody needs to stay rich, I used to say, if they would just make an effort: and if they had too much money and yet wouldn’t give it away, they only had themselves to blame and must be a bad lot.


  4. Winnie l'Ourson permalink
    December 1, 2013 1:11 pm

    Yes, I used to think the same. Now I believe that school of thought is mistaken. The rich are not really a bad lot ! We shouldn’t judge people by their appearances. If it weren’t for their money they would be indistinguishable from the rest of us ! But money brings out their weaknesses, naturally – wouldn’t it bring out ours ? A moderate addiction to money may not always be harmful; but when taken to excess it is nearly always bad for the health, it limits one’s chance of indulging in nice simple pleasures and, in many cases, it lowers the whole moral tone. The rich admit this – of each other; but what can they do ? Once a person has begun to accumulate money, it is unnatural to stop. They actually get into a state where they want more and more and more. Such a terrible fate !


    • December 1, 2013 1:33 pm

      Yes, that’s right ! And even more terrible is the fact that such relentless growth of appetite is irreversible. As soon as a person is used to a certain amount, no matter how large, their ideas of what is appropriate expand. That is the way people are made.


  5. December 1, 2013 1:14 pm

    But why should the rest of us feel it’s our duty to help ? Why not leave them to their own devices and simply wait until the rich seek help, if they’re troubled ?


  6. Winnie l'Ourson permalink
    December 1, 2013 1:19 pm

    Ah, but they wouldn’t. They couldn’t. The rich have their pride. Their unfortunate weakness for money may blacken their lives, but they suffer in silence. They try to conceal it all. Their feverish attempts to find some sunshine in life every evening, their desperate and futile holidays which they take every few months, and the pathetic mental deadness of their social gatherings which they try to keep private. We might never know to what straits many rich people have come, were it not for the newspapers and their celebrity columns. Bless their noble integrity on showing us the lives of the rich, their portraying with such faithful care each detail of their ways !


  7. Betty Boop permalink
    December 1, 2013 1:28 pm

    Well, it’ll be no easy matter to reform rich people just informally or casually. Just to call at their houses and advise them, when one isn’t too busy – that would be a kindness of course, but a long, long way from a cure. Besides, they might even resent those little visits as intrusions into their privacy. A kind-hearted do-gooder might certainly endanger their own health and might even be risking their life trying to gain access beyond rich people’s security barriers. My advice is, don’t go near those districts at all, ever ! The drinking, the bad language, the quarrels and shooting affrays, armed guards, fast cars – all of these things make those districts quite unsavoury for ordinary, decent people to go to.


  8. Winnie permalink
    December 1, 2013 1:43 pm

    Look, we can’t just ignore them or walk selfishly away and mind our own business. The rich are our brothers and sisters. How can the rest of us allow ourselves to be truly happy when our brothers and sisters are undergoing such terrible suffering ?


  9. December 1, 2013 1:45 pm

    But what can we do ?


  10. Winnie permalink
    December 1, 2013 1:53 pm

    I propose we set up a charitable foundation, which we can call “The Society for Improving the Lives of the Rich”. Such a Society would provide three main ways in which it can help:

    (1) It can establish neighbourhood houses in all the rich districts, like Arundel for example, where those who can stand it can go and live just like the rich. It will thus enable a few of our “relief workers” to mingle with them, day by day, gradually brightening their outlook and bettering their lot (or little).

    (2) It can send trained asset strippers to inspect the most desperate cases and gradually reform their living conditions one by one. And

    (3) It can train volunteers in the best methods of rich relief work, especially methods and means of relieving the rich of their wealth !

    How’s that for starters ?


    • December 1, 2013 6:15 pm

      EXEMPLI GRATIA — No, I think we should let the rich suffer like the poor are left to suffer, and consign them, as old Friedrich used to say, to statistics and the devil ! Well, God does, doesn’t he ?


  11. Rev. Jeff permalink
    December 1, 2013 3:00 pm

    As a hypnotherapist I am strangely reminded of individuals with multiple personalities….don’t know why.

    Great debate though girls and Patrick and have to say Winnie, your command of english improves with each submission and I love the idea of a charitable foundation to help the rich !! I have to tell you though, Chris is a lovely chap who sees his life as a play with himself in the lead role,surrounded by an ever changing cast of characters. Hence every player is given a nickname and a black and white personality. This is interesting because this trait is more commonly found in the religious individual who, believing they are the centre of God’s universe, interpret all events as either tests or confirmations of faith. I’m writing an article at the moment about how many people, who claim to be atheists, unconsciously live lives predicated on the idea that there is a transcendent reality to human existence and not just a meaningless void. Unless Chris starts being nice to me I might just feel the need to submit it to a certain blog I know of…….!!


    • howzaaat permalink
      December 1, 2013 4:28 pm

      Sounds great ! I’ll buy a copy if it gets into print …

      Multiple personalities ? Can’t think what you mean, old chap !!


    • December 1, 2013 4:33 pm

      “I’m writing an article at the moment about how many people, who claim to be atheists, unconsciously live lives predicated on the idea that there is a transcendent reality to human existence and not just a meaningless void.”

      And so these people aren’t atheists at all, but agnostics really, aren’t they ?


  12. Rev. Jeff permalink
    December 1, 2013 4:48 pm

    Correct of course Winnie. What we are beginning to see with the rise of what’s been called radical atheism and fundamentalist religious belief is a hardening of attitudes from both sides. If you read the Dawkin’s Delusion by God, he states that there is no place for agnosticism and we must be ruthless in getting rid of religion. In the light of populist atheism the thrust of my article is to ask; are you really an atheist, and to show that true atheism calls for non-belief in all those strange, illogical feelings human’s have about phenomena with roots in the transcendent, such as fate, or a ‘ great scheme to things’. For me, hardline atheism is extremely reductive and when carried to its logical conclusion highly dangerous. Really I just don’t want people to get sucked into populist ideas they haven’t really thought through. Bit limerick light today everyone !!


    • Patrick permalink
      December 1, 2013 5:08 pm

      OK, Rev — how’s this for today’s effort ?

      So her coif didn’t rate admiration –
      Instead, it caused quite a sensation.
      Either she was a he,
      Or it’s he that’s a she –
      That haircut spawned Barry’s summation !


    • Winnie permalink
      December 1, 2013 6:07 pm

      You’re right, Rev. Atheism sucks ! Agnosticism rules : –

      All great religions, in order to escape absurdity, have to admit a dilution of agnosticism. It is only the savage, whether of the African bush or the American gospel tent, who pretends to know the will and intent of God exactly and completely. “For who hath known the mind of the Lord ?” asked Paul of the Romans. “How unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!” “It is the glory of God,” said Solomon, “to conceal a thing.” “Clouds and darkness,” said David, “are around him.” “No man,” said the Preacher, “can find out the work of God.” … The difference between religions is a difference in their relative content of agnosticism. The most satisfying and ecstatic faith is almost purely agnostic. It trusts absolutely without professing to know at all.


  13. Rev. Jeff permalink
    December 1, 2013 8:30 pm

    Great stuff Patrick-really like that !

    Couldn’t agree with you more Winnie and the idea that the difference between religions is their relative content of agnosticism is spot on. I believe that agape love is only possible in the light of doubt and a willingness, through faith, to embrace the possibility of the unknowable. You’ve given me food for thought. Thanks.


  14. helen permalink
    December 3, 2013 7:51 am

    Dear Dame Edna , I’ve seen her before…
    She is someone I really adore
    Despite Diamonds & Pearls
    She’s not “one of the girls’
    neath that dress is a little bit more …….


  15. May 29, 2014 10:19 am

    Very great post. I just stumbled upon your
    weblog and wished to mention that I have really enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts.
    In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I’m hoping you write once
    more soon!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: