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Woman with man flu?

November 23, 2013

“I am too ill to go to lunch” said That Nice Lady Decorator when I suggested we might hit a local pub for some sustenance. Talking of ill, which I am not, I had earlier been at Chichester Hospital, ensuring that the operation of The National Health Service was up to the standard I have come to hope for, and, rather surprisingly given recent events in the news, it was.

Now I ask you to think carefully about the word “ill” and more especially that word in the context of That Nice Lady Decorator and failing to attend a social occasion. “Too ill” was such a momentous, some might say precipitous expression that my first thought was that man flu had at last managed to jump the sexual divide. Can I use the word jump in that context, I know I would like to jump the sexual divide, as long as that doesn’t make me gay? Anyway, for That Nice Lady Decorator to turn down any social occasion is a worrying and almost unprecedented scenario to contemplate for those who have knowledge of her.

It was a hammer blow and the result was that, after my spending two of the last three days effectively on hunger strike, by way of the 5:2 diet, attempting to get those errant bathroom scales to see sense, and sustaining myself only with hopes and dreams of a lavish lunch yesterday as a start of the weekends frivolity, we’re dashed. Those were not the only hopes and dreams that were shattered, as anyone watching Englishman with any interest in the Ashes cricket in Australia will know. Any suggestion that England is a world-class side, with the fortitude and mindset to match any side in the world. were similarly consigned to the rubbish bin of history in Brisbane on the second day of the First Test.

picture of Arundel Castle

Arundel Castle on a splendid winters day

I had arisen late after wasting much of the night finding this out, and had to put up with brunch at home instead of lunch out. I did not get my first beer until after 5, when her cold (it turned out not to be as serious as man flu, merely something along the lines of a bad fever) relented sufficiently for us to see if any of the Timothy Taylor Landlord bitter remained as the guest beer at the Red Lion. It did not, so we were allowed to secure a couple of pints of the best beer in the world, Fullers London Pride, at the Swan Hotel, where I had a bit of a one-sided conversation about the benefits of opening an account with Currencies Direct. I like to think that it was only the effects of her malaise that caused her attention to wander.

Worse still, it seems that the Debilitated Decorating Demon will eschew the opportunity to accompany me to meet with John Otway in London this evening, leaving me dangerously exposed to the rampant hoards of young ladies, that at least exist in my mind, who seek my company, and don’t come near if she is around. It may also mean that she will miss the Spitalfields brunch scheduled for Sunday morning, unless she stages a miraculous recovery this morning. I did make one discovery whilst amidst the organisation of the hotel for this evening; the Thistle at Marble Arch does not have Sky Sports, so I will be unable to watch the cricket later tonight, What a relief.

So a weekend in the smoke beckons and if I am alone, I will certainly not be venturing out to do any Christmas shopping, which would not have been the case if I am not. Sometimes clouds do really have silver linings.

Chris France

2 Comments leave one →
  1. helen permalink
    November 23, 2013 10:19 am

    Chris’s cloud has a silver lining
    For a cricketing win he’s been pining
    England is a big joke
    So he’s off to the Smoke
    With John Otway
    & a bit of fine dining ….


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    November 23, 2013 1:15 pm

    ‘to contemplate for those who have knowledge of her’…..

    Those who have ‘knowledge’ of Issy,
    Are still,as it where, in a tizzy.
    The memories last ,
    From that glorious past,
    ‘For she knew how to keep a chap busy !!

    I am using poetic licence here of course and nothing more should be read into my fond imaginings ! Yes England were dire.Give my regards to Otway. Nice one Helen.


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