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Tennis given the bird?

October 25, 2013

If I am not as slim as a whippet and back to my Amazonian best after a few more days of this, there is no justice. After 4 miles hard slog across the Arundel Castle estate in the morning at 6.2 km’s per hour, that’s 4 miles an hour (according to my new Ordnance Survey app) to all you non metric chaps, I felt that I had done my bit for a surprise diet day, which was decreed before breakfast by That Nice Lady Decorator. But no, she had in mind a bike ride along the canals of Chichester, just to add some spice.

Actually, when the suggestion emerges, that was all right by me. She and that mutt if hers need the exercise, but then it became apparent that she wanted me to accompany her. I tried excuses, whimpering, and threats of self harm, but those of you who remember Flo, the wife in the Andy Capp cartoon, will know the look she always had when holding a rolling-pin. You will not be surprised to know that I went with the err…flow.

It was extremely hard to start with but after about 3 miles, when I was falling further and further behind, I suddenly realised that the front brake was slightly applied, so from then on, after releasing it, cycling became a lot easier. I was even able to stop and sneak up on this heron to take today’s picture. I have reason to believe that it may have been deaf, but am not prepared to go down that route of suggesting that he might have been hard of heron. Oh no, you won’t see that sort of contrived pun in this column, and if you did then I would expect be up before the beak.

heron on canal

Deaf bird

Before leaving for bikers island, That Nice Lady Decorator had a meeting with a local architect, who foolishly admitted to having a holiday home near Port Grimaud, near St Tropez. In a flash my Currencies Direct antennae tuned in and I believe I may have secured only my second ever customer from Arundel.

Today is in the balance. On the one hand we have a tentative arrangement to walk across the fields with Colin the Pirate, Sandra the sultry goddess, and the dogs and have lunch at the George (newly without the Dragon) at Burpham for a spot of lunch. However, the weather forecast seems to have deteriorated somewhat since this plan was made on Thursday, and with rumours that dogs are not welcomed there, we may concede a change of luncheon venue. As I write I await the decision. There is one thing certain though. After 3 days without a drink and two diet days, I shall be having lunch out somewhere.

Trying to continue to play tennis in England is fraught with difficulty. I have a tentative arrangement to meet up with the Arundel Lawn Tennis Club who meet at the ridiculously early time of 8.30 on a Sunday morning. I have deigned to join them this Sunday, only because the clocks go back, so it will be 9.30 on my time clock, which is still early but one does have to make an effort. This assumes, of course, that the dire weather warnings of hurricanes and the like will come to nothing. The only other time in my short tennis career when wind threatened play was after I was myself badly afflicted by some particularly spiced meatballs from Ikea which wreaked (reeked?) havoc. However, the wind forecast for this weekend will make any attempts to play tennis very interesting, certainly a bit more interesting than the meatball event.

Chris France

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Helen permalink
    October 26, 2013 10:49 am

    Our Chris wants to look like a whippet
    for breakfast & lunch he said skip it
    then he went to the pub
    & ordered some grub
    Remember my man
    where to stick it ……


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    October 26, 2013 11:56 am

    Very good Helen.

    A pub with a George and no Dragon !
    That’s like Chris saying he’s in the wagon !
    If a dragon you need
    Take Issy and she’d
    Just nag on, and nag on and nag on !!!

    Only joking Issy. Don’t tell her Chris!!!!


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