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Guvners in charge

May 14, 2013

Some desperate people found themselves unable to get Sunday’s exciting instalment of this column due to gremlins in the WordPress system, that affected hundreds of thousands of blogs, none as important as mine of course. Fear not, it is now functioning correctly and once again you will be able to open a window on the lives of the idle rich of Valbonne and Arundel.

Over the weekend, I came across a retro cycling group in Arundel, as I was checking that Pallant’s, the excellent delicatessen and quality wine store in the town, had ordered my magnums of St Emilon. They are called the Guvners Assembly as given away by the logo emblazoned on their cycling shirts. What I particularly liked was the plus fours and tweeds they were all wearing. I have long since wistfully dreamed of owning and wearing such a garment or garments, and to own a silver topped walking stick, but both items have been forbidden to enter reality, and my wardrobe, due to the dictak of That Nice Lady Dream Destroyer, due to her coming to the conclusion that these items might make me look old or stupid. However, as many of you will contend and are no doubt thinking about how to enter a comment below, I thought I already had those two areas well covered.

retro cycle team

On yer bike Guvner

Diet day has, by its stringent calorie limiting nature, the effect of excluding alcohol from one’s daily sustenance, and for once I was glad. It had been a fearfully heavy weekend and the idea of going out and drinking again was anathema. This morning though, I am fully recovered and anxiously awaiting news of the Kings Arms quiz night, to which we may go this evening. It seems that over the weekend, a rash and only partly remembered arrangement was made for this evening with the sultry Sandra and her partner to whom I had referred In the past to as One Eyed Colin. this is mainly due to his piratical behaviour, but I have been precluded from so doing again by that Nice Lady Censor. Henceforward he will be known as Colin The Pirate. Hopefully with his help, and the considerable mind enhancing qualities of London Pride, we shall be able to affect a heist of the victors crown tonight. I am hoping for a question about exchange rates, but suspect I shall be disappointed in much the same way people who do not have a Currencies Direct account must feel.

In fact the theme is “entertainment”, and as I have spent almost my entire adult years in the entertainment business, my aim will be to drag my team mates away from the wooden spoon position where Kit Kats are the ignominious prize. Beware the Kit Kats is my motto.

This will be after we have spent some more of this morning further exploring the South Downs, weather permitting (and the weather forecast is dire) and after a hearty breakfast to ward off the slimming effects of yesterday’s culinary denial. If I get too thin I shall have to buy a whole new wardrobe, so there must be limits, and I think I have reached mine. Of course, it matters not a bit what I think as I do not have the final say, indeed any say, in well, anything, but in that semi delirious dream world which I inhabit when fasting, occasionally I believe I am in control. It is that same bracket as the belief that I can fly, should I ever try. Why does the phrase “crash and burn” come to mind?

Chris France

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