Sign of the month

Whilst travelling down the M1 on the escape to freedom from Yorkshire yesterday, I had time to reflect on some of the events that had overcome me whilst “enjoying” this sojourn to this tundra strewn wilderness. Chardonnay wine flavoured Yorkshire crisps is probably the culinary discovery of the trip, the story about the gay kiss (see yesterday’s column) was a highlight, and some very decent Landlord bitter at the Crosby in Thornton le Beans was notable. Best moments though have to be the lunch at the Crab and Lobster in Asenby, but I still cannot work out the significance of the collection of bras in the male urinal, but my favourite photographic moment was outside Thirsk race course as depicted in today’s photo.

Man having trouble with umbrella

Half way to safety in the south we stopped near the dreaded Milton Keynes for lunch and to see my brother Patrick and family for the first time in years, before arriving back in Arundel in time for an early evening pint. I was able to reflect that from a Currencies Direct viewpoint the whole weekend had been very unsuccessful because no one has any money in Yorkshire. They think the expression foreign exchange is reserved for school trips when kids from another country try out living in another. This reminds me of a Yorkshire family whom were subjected to having a French girl to stay as their own daughter had recently stayed in France. Their daughter has a delightful week soaking up French culture , visiting local sites of interest, walking, museums etc, just the type of activity to know a girl some experience if French life, and playing board games in the evenings. The Yorkshire matriarch announced that the poor French child would be dragged down to the pub most evenings, given a packet of pork scratchings and told that she was enjoying the best culture Yorkshire could provide.

Sensitive readers will want to know how the sales drive for The Valbonne Monologues is developing and it is fair to say that there is some resistance to my plan to make it a best seller. Ackworth (the school which was charged with the education of that Nice Lady Decorator) scholar James Fearnley from the Pogues has published a book about life with the group and I thought this would be a good opportunity to swap books with a fellow author. It would in my mind count as another sale. This idea was immediately rejected by the Decorator on the spurious context that his was a sensible book. The clear implication is that mine is comparatively not serious, which, having thought about it for a minute or so, seems to be a fair assessment.

So the dreaded diet comes back into play today, mainly it has to be said, to counter balance the over zealous attention to food and drink over the Easier weekend. Whilst the idea of looking forward to it is a bit strong, not having to eat dripping, suet and whippet surprise will come as some relief.

Once normality returns on Wednesday then I believe I am expecting a visit from one John Otway who has a new money-making scheme in mind. The money-making always seems to happen at his end whilst the money losing always seems to be down to me, but I can never resist the dream of actually profiting from one of his schemes. We shall also be putting the final touches to his “Otway For An Oscar” campaign which will start at the Cannes Film festival in May. More details of how to get involved on the Otway The Movie website.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News