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Starvation diets – a warning

March 2, 2013

I think I managed to repair the damage exacted upon my corpulent frame by three days of starvation dieting. It started with a meeting in the White Hart at 5.30. That Nice Lady Decorator snorted with derision when I revealed my business schedule. She believed, wrongly as it turned out, that this was an excuse for an early pint. The fact that I did have a pint of Harvey’s, whilst discussing whether I could bring the whole weight of my music business experience to bear on the career of some talented musicians, is entirely coincidental.

So with work over (even I must have some time away from my work securing customers for Currencies Direct), we headed out to The Swan in Arundel for a change and a pint of London Pride, which became 2 as we were joined by James “Desperate Dan” and the ethereally beautiful and magnificent Omega, his partner.

A little later it was on to the Kings Arms for more beer and then it all gets a bit blurry. I have some vague recollection of ordering an Indian takeaway and ending up at the house of some charming people we had met at quiz night , and I remember getting home but not much else.

Regular readers will know that I often make notes on my phone during the day when something amuses me. Little reminders designed to help me write this daily drivel. Obviously last night I found a great deal to laugh about and took copious details, ready no doubt I thought, to use some of that material in today’s column. However, none if it makes any sense to me. This is what I had written; “flat coat retrievers, Go West, the Pope, Gary Glitter, Jimmy Savile, ice cream and suppositories”.

Mystified? Yes, so am I. Obviously three days without a drink and a whiff of a barmaids apron is enough to set me on a slippery slope to oblivion. In pre-diet normal circumstances, a couple of pints, a glass of wine and an Indian meal and I could still do calculus when I got home . Last night I could barely do up my shoe laces. So my friends, let that be a warning to anyone on a diet. Beware, your ability to consume alcohol could become impaired. I feel very public-spirited now, it is not often you get valuable health tips in this daily missive. There is also the problem that almost all the weight lost through three days of starvation was quickly regained.

Swanbourne Lake

Swanbourne Lake taken during my morning constitutional

The flyer is out, The Valbonne Monologues launch campaign has err… launched. Bit of boob on the first draft as the name of one of my most important sponsors, ABK Properties, was misspelt (sorry Jeroen!) but as he is the best estate agent in Valbonne I know he will shrug this off. All day yesterday I was getting calls and emails, at least three of them before I lost count, excitedly welcoming the prospect of the publication and promising to be there at Cafe Latin in Valbonne on either 15th or 16th March to join the queue to get one of the first copies. It will be so well attended I am thinking of asking for some crowd control barriers (to keep people in).

The weekend is here, Spring has officially commenced so it is time to throw open the doors and windows to let in the fresh scented air and bright warm spring sunshine and get outside and do something in the garden. However, nobody seems to have told the weather gods because it is, yet again, grey, cold, damp and drizzly and if you flung open the windows you would not only be heading for hypothermia but the only aroma would be from last nights fish and chips from the shop across the road. God I hate the weather in this country.

Chris France

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Patrick permalink
    March 2, 2013 9:58 am

    “… nobody seems to have told the weather gods because it is, yet again, grey, cold, damp and drizzly…”


    The Earth revolves: the drizzly, drenching rain
    May chill, but soon the sun will blaze again !
    The Planet spins: Truth’s hateful enemy
    May manage a transient victory —
    But the Earth still revolves: Cold winter’s snow
    Still lies so the grass may yet greener grow;
    And Friendship’s sun, whatever else befall,
    Will warm the heart again despite it all.


    • March 2, 2013 11:11 am

      I want a kilo of whatever you are on!


      • Patrick permalink
        March 2, 2013 12:27 pm

        You’re cloer to the source of that than I am — or has my meaning completely passed you by ?


  2. Mike Hardaker permalink
    March 2, 2013 10:25 am

    Starting the evening with a pint of Bristol Cream? You have no one to blame but yourself, squire.


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