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The Monologues are imminent

February 14, 2013

At last, I have seen a print of my new book, The Valbonne Monologues and it is beautiful. The pixie problem with the photographs, which delayed the publication of my second  assault on the literary world at Christmas, has been sorted out and the launch will happen in mid March in Valbonne, once I have decided what to do. Watch this space.

After an unfortunate run in with, I think, a dodgy peanut yesterday, I am afraid I was not at my best, indeed I spent more time than usual in the bathroom reliving err.. the evacuation, even retiring to my bed in the afternoon. I emerged after Sprog had arrived hot foot (in a cloud of putrid smoke) in his Citroen Saxo Mischief from college at Guildford. My second shock of the day was to catch him watching ghastly TV series Miss Marple with that Nice Lady Decorator. Whilst I have come to accept that this futile ridiculous excuse for proper TV will often be given house room on dreary afternoons in England,  I was astonished that a 19-year-old exhibiting all the usual traits associated with the student fraternity, trousers perched half way over his buttocks, rolling tobacco and a healthy interest in the opposite sex, might be seduced by Joan Higson, the actress responsible for this aberration. I came to believe that I was delirious.  Later Sprog 2 arrived and a family reunion took place.

magic mushrooms

It won’t take long before these start disappearing and end up in dubious cigarettes

So I spent much of the afternoon considering how best to continue to reach out to people with foreign exchange needs, admirably handled by Currencies Direct, now the official partner for the soon to be Oscar nomination winning John Otway, who will need some euros for his Cannes events at the Film Festival. Who better than I to be on the spot as their faithful representative to ensure that everything goes according to plan?

Today will be the last day of preparations before the skiing trip, which we depart on Friday morning. Due to my malaise I managed to remount the temperance wagon, mainly because I did not want to vomit over everything in sight. This lasted until Sprog 2 arrived home quite late demanding a pint of cider. She has her mothers genes.

I must recover today, and to help ignite excitement for the skiing trip I had a conversation with Mr Clipboard who, along with Slash and Burn Thornton Allan and respective families will comprise the whole skiing party. Rather unkindly Mr Clipbeard is bringing some oven gloves with him, a rather cruel but amusing reference to an oven, broken by Sprog 1 in juvenile New Years Eve party, trying to reenact a scene from a Film called Project X in which a dwarf is inserted into an oven. I rather suspect that there will be a few more jokes “cooked up” over the forthcoming week of skiing at Meribel. It would all be very amusing except for the many hundreds of pounds it has cost to replace said cooker. However, us Brits laugh at adversity, and joke about disaster and anyway, he will pay us back one day. I have told him to consider it his very own student loan.

So my beloved France will be in sight tomorrow, the delights of the channel tunnel and after a  burn down the motorways of northern France, I shall, gloriously, be ensconced in the centre of Beaune, savouring some of the local produce I hope, as long as the squits have left me, and I don’t mean the Sprogs.

Chris France

8 Comments leave one →
  1. howzaaat permalink
    February 14, 2013 9:53 am

    I was sorry to read that you do not care for the TV series “Miss Marple” and that you have only unkind inferences to offer in respect of (or perhaps that should read “in disrespect to” !) Joan Hickson.

    What can there be about either of them that is in your opinion so “ghastly” ? At very worst, “innocuous” might be a more appropriate term — much on the same level as your blog ?

    And so, once again Chris, your tastes seem rather out of kilter with a great percentage of the British TV viewing public, but I do not suppose you’ll be in the least perturbed by that, nor by the fact that even HM The Queen herself disagrees with you. In 1987, Joan Hickson was awarded the OBE and in bestowing it, The Queen was delighted to do so, telling Joan that, as an ardent fan of Agatha Christie and Miss Marple, “You play the part just as one envisages it.” And I couldn’t agree more.

    But how clever and cunning of you to misspell Joan Hickson’s name so as to avert the risk of her family’s lawyers knocking on your door !

    Have a good skiing trip to Meribel and, as they say in the theatre, “Break a leg !” …….


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 14, 2013 12:56 pm

    Chris’s credentials as a T.V. critic have already been horribly exposed when admitting his admiration for those truly and mind bogglingly awful travesties of the comedic art ‘Mrs. Brown’s Boys’ and ‘Miranda’. To think here is a chap I spent many happy hours of my youth with delighting in the genius of Sgt. Bilko and Basil Fawlty. Ah well the drink always takes a cruel toll in the end. However not wishing to rake up the past I wish you bon vogage and have a wonderful skiing break. Sounds like the ‘brown run’ has been good preparation for what’s to come !


    • February 14, 2013 1:22 pm

      Now, Basil Fawlty and Bilko are timeless, Benny Hill is just tasteless and useless… Good call on the brown run….


  3. Patrick permalink
    February 14, 2013 4:54 pm

    Never mind the ‘brown runs’ ! You’ve heard of “housemaid’s knee” and “tennis elbow” ? Well, now there’ll be some 13 “ski bums” in a day or two !


    • February 14, 2013 5:21 pm

      Yes, 13 ski bums, how apt!


      • Patrick permalink
        February 14, 2013 6:52 pm

        Yeah – this could provide an excellent title for your third assault on the literary world: “From Beach Bum to Ski Bum in Two easy Moves” – that should sell very well, as there are loads of people aspiring to those special heights !!


  4. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 14, 2013 4:58 pm

    Can’t believe you are so keen for yet another spanking and as you haven’t been well I’ll be generous and let it go. Have fun.


  5. howzaaat permalink
    February 14, 2013 6:59 pm

    To Patrick — No, that title’s too long and wouldn’t leave any room for “Bar Fly” !!


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