Octopus balls?

Where to start? The inaugural meeting of the Wednesday luncheon Club got off to a rather inauspicious start. Lunch has been arranged at The Bridge in Amberley and I had been designated taxi driver to collect up the rest of the committee and take them to Arundel station ready for the Train ride to Amberley and thereafter for lunch at the Bridge. The traveling arrangements were made by that Nice Lady Decorator, so as Peachy Butterfield would say “what could possibly go wrong?”.Well, first off, Charlie “Pistonius” Malcomson, the landlord at The Kings Arms and a founding father of the Arundel Wednesday Lunch club, encountered a problem; his barmaid who was supposed to the charge of the pub in his absence, did not appear at the appointed time, and his lovely wife “Bowling” Ally was despatched to the holiday cottage in which the barmaid was staying to see what had happened, and here was the first tangible positive evidence of the good that this newly formed society will produce. Rachel the barmaid was locked into her holiday home as the lock in the front door had seized, and with her being unable to get a phone signal, she was effectively imprisoned in her house. But for the beneficial effect of the luncheon club, she may still have been a prisoner in her own home and who knows what could have been the outcome. As it was “Bowling” was able to release her from her prison, and was only in the spot to do so because of her involvement in this wonderful organisation.

The next problem was the train. We had all trusted That Nice Lady Decorator’s reading of the train timetable and had such confidence in her organisational capabilities until the train came to a stop at Pulborough, having (correctly as evidenced by a brief look at the timetable) failed to stop at Amberley.

It took but 45 minutes and a £20 taxi ride to remedy this situation, thus somewhat reducing the value of saving money by letting the train take the strain. We’re we downhearted? Well yes, at least to start with, but good cheer was eventually restored when finally we arrived. One would have had to have balls the size of an octopus to mention this little diversion to that Nice Lady Train Guide, and had one done so they may have ended up like this.

Try me indeed.

The steering committee thus began proceedings and a rather later than anticipated lunch commenced. The attractive Czech waitress took the old adage “service with a smile” to new heights with her rather too low-cut and loose-fitting hipster style trousers, which personally I found very rewarding, despite the width of her grin, but it is fair to say that the female contingent were less impressed.

After a slightly north side of average lunch, when it came to the tip, the girls amongst our party, which included the lovely Kathryn, the Wyatt Earp of Arundel, having a day off from running men out of Arundel, were quite eloquent about what tips they could offer out Czech friend, but we settled on 10% instead.

As I write it is, course, grey and damp again, but this matters not a jot to me as we will soon be on our way to Gatwick and then Tenerife, where I shall be able to extol the virtues of opening an account with Currencies Direct whilst enjoying some winter sun. Work is never far from my mind and the coming week in Tenerife will be no exception. I do hope my accountant is taking note. It will save irksome time and argument if he just accepts that this is a working trip and make the necessary adjustments to my forthcoming tax return.

Chris France