Toe in the water on the way to St Tropez

Being a little late for the trip to St Tropez aboard the Master Mariner Mundell’s L’Exocet, the wonderful sedate and thus inappropriately named sailing boat, was perhaps understandable given the events of Saturday when a luncheon party finished a little after midnight. A number of our party were feeling a little shabby as a result and a tad forgetful. As it would be very rude, I cannot reveal whom among our party it was that tried, on a trip to a very expensive eaterie, to leave his wallet behind before revealing this fact, just at the point at which he thought I would not have time to turn back, but Slash and Burn Thornton Allan may feel the colour rising in his cheeks as he reads this.

The trip along the Estoril coastline fueled by beers, prosecco and rose was sublime. The restaurant is one of those that has its own tender to ferry customers from their boat to the beach. It was there waiting for us at Tahiti Beach and transported the sailing party to the restaurant and that’s when the trouble started. I have a particular aversion to techno music at any time of day but at 4pm on a Sunday in a great restaurant on one of the best beaches in the world? It has cemented my hatred of the genre. Some old school rap would have been entirely acceptable.

It is true that I had a mild sense of humour failure until at last the cacophony abated somewhat. Amongst those accompanying us on the trip was Nick Davies, the man renowned for taking his clothes off on beaches in St Tropez. He is still barred from Cinquante Cinq after the last time despite the rugby tackle performed on him by his lovely wife Lise just too late to avoid some impressionable children to be traumatised by this horrible spectacle. It is fair to say that whilst not wishing to witness such a spectacle myself, it would have been fascinating in a macabre way, a bit like witnessing a car crash. Anyway, this time unwanted nudity was avoided, probably because he is jet-lagged after returning from Bankok. I have a picture of him today aboard the boat but quite what he is trying to do to that nice lady decorators foot is open to question.

Nick Davies gets a toe hold

Amongst those sailing with us in more ways than one was a young lady to whom I shall refer to as Dangerous Jackie Lawless. A charming and beautiful innocent slip of a girl at first I thought, but a few of her stories about running a building company and her life in general, including having once been married to the owner of a Premiership football club revealed hidden depths and a complete grasp of colourful language. That’s all I am saying at this stage as she has promised to consider opening an account with Currencies Direct so as long as that application is forthcoming shortly, nothing embarrassing need be revealed in this column.

The trip back was just magnificent. The Mediterranean sunset viewed from the sea has to be one of the best views in the world. With the moon rising (and by that I do not mean seeing any nasty crescents lurking beneath Mr Davies shorts) we managed to achieve a feat the Master Mariner Mundell had been convinced was impossible, we ran out of wine. Well it was after midnight before we parked in Porte de la Rague.

I would wager that today will be somewhat quieter. I am counting on it, I am getting too old for this.

Chris France