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Pig roast progresses

June 24, 2012

The leaving party for Slash and Burn Paul and steely eyed goddess Lisa Thornton Allan was a massive success, if measured only in terms if bottles of wine consumed. Some 40 people were present for much of the pig roast and some 80 plus bottles of wine had been emptied before I snuck off to bed a little before midnight. Lunch can be so drawn out don’t you think?

As was to be expected a myriad of stories came to light during the day. Let’s start with the lovely Lisa herself. She revealed that she had recently read an article about gangling and ungainly England footballer Peter Crouch. It seems that he was asked what he would have been if he was not a footballer and said “a virgin”. She then added to the amusement by allowing those blond genes out of control for a second or so by saying “he has gone up in my self-esteem”.

I don’t know who started it, or indeed why it started but I was involved with some discussions about something called Gnome World which may or may not be a real theme park. I did not have time to research this before publishing, but also wanted to consider what sort of attractions such a park could offer without the benefit of looking at their website if it exists. Would there be gnome throwing competitions for instance?

Slash and Burn Thornton Allan took some great pictures of the garden before the onslaught, one of which I show here.

Poolside before the arrival of the pig roast

My style guru, and Currencies Direct discerning customer Mr Humphreys was free and, arrived wearing orange shoes and a red T-shirt, gave us all a lead on what we should be wearing this summer in the south of France. He told me that in the days when he actually had a job, working for a local council in London, his work involved running the LGBT scheme.  I inquired as to what that might stand for. The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans-gender building association was set up to help these four sexual oriented groups find work in the building trade in the area. Yes, the local “right on” local council was prepared to spend tax payers money to make grants to people who were willing to employ workers from these sexual groupings. The trouble was that his hands were tied (no not in that way) by being disallowed from offering any grant unless the hairy arsed builders open heartedly welcomed the concept of members from these groups into their teams of contractors. He was not allowed openly to ask them, they had to volunteer an open-minded approach. Now call me old-fashioned and perhaps it is an unfair stereotype, but I cannot imagine any builder I have ever met (perhaps with the exception of Peachy Butterfield) embracing the concept of willingly employing such people without some financial inducement. When I expressed this opinion to Mr Humphreys, and asked him how many contracts were awarded he looked a bit sheepish (again nothing to do with the people he was trying to help) and he admitted they never placed a single contract.

Many other stories have been stored and may dribble out in the coming week. In fact some may be discussed today as we have been invited aboard the wonderful sailing boat the Exocet, owned by the Master Mariner Mundell to go round to St Tropez, to Kon Tiki Beach, for a late lunch amongst the great and the good and the Russian hookers who seemingly frequent the place. I shall report back tomorrow.

Chris France

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    June 24, 2012 3:54 pm

    ‘unless the hairy arsed builders open heartedly welcomed the concept of ‘members’ from these groups into their team of contractors….’

    I say steady on ! Rather unfortunate terminology under the circumstances old chap !

    Didn’t the contractors have a say in all this ?!!


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