Declension? stay behind afterwards

Due to popular demand I have decided to show the picture of the snowman to which I alluded yesterday. It is strange really, after I suggested that the snowman may have been endowed with a slightly out of proportion phallus, all the requests were from women.

In case you did not catch yesterdays exciting episode, Master Mariner Mundell “liberated” a pile of ice from The Source after the rugby on Sunday, then for some reason brought it to my house and decided to make a snowman. I pointed out that we have a freezer full of ice, but undeterred he proceeded to mould Mr Snowman into a shape more suited to a porno film as my picture today depicts..

Snowman with phallus, by popular demand. Rather alarmingly, the programme I use to add a picture into the column says "Insert into post"

Now I did not go to public school or university, so I am at a loss when activities of a schoolboy nature take over. Perhaps they were not allowed toys as children?

So miserable weather has at last arrived in the south of France. So miserable that I had to delve deep into the wardrobe for some long trousers and a sweater. As I have not seen my style guru Mr Humphreys recently (thus I am not sure if he was free) I was not certain of this autumns etiquette and thus not sure if my new purple cashmere jumper was an acceptable fashion item. Peachy Butterfield apparently believes that etiquette is a type of hammer used in polo, but I know that is wrong, that is called a mallard. Obviously etiquette is when you buy passage for a bus or train.

I need to write a speech for the book launch and it was coming along well until that nice lady decorator enquired as to what I was doing and naively I told her. So now I have a co-speech writer, at least for the time being until she gets bored. The first thing she did was to edit out a joke she did not understand, and was only reluctantly given permission to add it back once I had explained it to her. Oddly though, this gives me hope. Apart from myself, Otway and most of my friends locally, there may be some high brow types at the Auberge Provencal in Valbonne Square on 7th for the book launch, so some jokes, that are perhaps a little cleverer than many people would credit me with understanding, may give me a little more high brow than actually I am.

I can almost hear the Wingo guffawing at the whole idea. He is universally dismissive, probably with good reason, of my involvement in anything that implies that I may have had a good education. In his eyes I am the most fearful oik in anything remotely connected to anything he and his peers learned in public school. On Sunday for instance some of these public schoolboys were discussion Latin, and I though they were talking about whether they should let in Banjo (I may have been too obscure here – let-in? no forget it). I stupidly ventured an opinion on amamus being the plural of amo and received a withering look whereupon they reverted to talking about declensions. At this stage I was clearly out of my depth as a declension for me at school was where I had to stay behind afterwards.

But let’s look forward, not back. I have some exciting prospects in line as future customers of Currencies Direct; saving money for people on their foreign exchange transfers is rewarding enough, but sometimes they are kind enough to send me money as well!

Chris France