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Tripe on Yorkshire TV?

February 14, 2011

According to what I presume was a joke from gruff northerner, Dave Goddard, who was playing golf yesterday with the Landlubbers at Grande Bastide, he claims that he has at his house in Yorkshire, a satellite dish shaped like a Yorkshire pudding. The only problem is that he can only receive Yorkshire TV.

Le Grande Bastide Golf Course, looking up towards the old perched village of Opio.

Although it is possible that he was not serious (possible but not certain) it got me thinking about what kind of terrible programmes could be available if that were true. I suppose a Yorkshire version of Lassie would have to feature a whippet, and I guess cooking programmes would be fun, how about “a hundred things you can make with lard”? or “how to make your mushy peas greener” or even “Tripe Surprise” (the surprise being what exactly are the ingredients?). I suppose any recipe including faggots would be deemed politically incorrect in most places, but Yorkshire? I here seems to me to be a higher proportion than normal of homophobes in that bleak county.

I don’t know if reality TV would work either, the reality of life up there is too gritty to be entertaining, I can’t imagine “I’m a Yorkshireman, get me out of here” being too popular up there, and look at Coronation Street, that’s bad enough.

Sport would probably have to feature Yorkshire terriers flushing out rats, and of course the well-known practice of putting a ferret down your trousers would doubtless be a prime time draw. I guess they already have Emmerdale Farm but I reckon a programme on pigeons could also be a ratings winner.

the Regs or Landlubbers Golf gatherings always throw up enough new material for the whole week, but apart from the Yorkshire satellite scenario above, it was great to see our leader Dave the Fade back in the saddle, still looking for the perfect golf course, 18 dog leg rights, set in an ever decreasing spiral. Had he been in charge yesterday I am sure I would have been allowed to play with former Miss England, Pauline Bull, or the voluptuous Maria, as that nice lady decorator is away in Yorkshire (watching Yorkshire TV?) but stand-in commandant Malcolm George would have none of it, despite the offered bribe, and the nice weather I brought especially for the group.

Today is the Valentines Day sex lunch I which is not the way Lin Wolff from the English Book Centre would describe it, but a Literary Lunch with a writer prepared to divulge her secrets about how to write about sex in novels? How else would you describe it?

Later this week on Thursday evening, I will be required to attend the Riviera Business Club event at the Hotel Mercure in my capacity as fat controller of Currencies Direct for the area, where the theme will be social networking media. Tickets are still available for their website.

Finally my new Happy Mondays blog will be posted this morning

Chris France
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