Aussie summer ruined by poms and rain
I would so love to be going onto Adelaide for the next Test starting Thursday instead I am flying back to sunny France via the snow bound UK today. I said to that nice lady decorator that we should perhaps think about spending Christmas in Australia, when the 4th and 5th test will be underway, but she still remembers when, as a family, we went to Antigua about 15 years ago when I “discovered” that there was a Test match on whilst we were there. She had the temerity to suggest that I had previous knowledge of the match, and refused to believe it was all a horrible coincidence…
It has been a very gratifying week and I have come to the conclusion that there is a reasonably intelligent under strand to the Barmy Army, the motley collection of travelling English cricket fans, as there were several occasions when their humour was exhibited, such as when they were suggesting that Mitchell Johnson, an Australian bowler who had a nightmare match for the Australians, should be man of the match, but for England. Their singing of “There’s Only One Mitchell Johnson” on the last day made me laugh. In fact I chanced across the cheerleader of the Army in the crowd as my picture below shows.
The cheerleader for The Barmy Army, seen at the Brisbane Ashes Test
Another good joke that was doing the rounds before the first Test Match, was that the Aussies were going to win the series 5-0 as they have on the last two tours, and it has been very gratifying to see the Aussie Press castigating their team for not performing. No praise at all for then for the sterling Pom effort! Pom, short for pomegranate is a derogatory term the Australians use to describe the colour most Brits go when taking in too much sunshine.
Whilst the Poms can get enough sunshine whilst here, I have been struck by how white the population of Brisbane is on the whole, I guess they are being very careful about sun induced skin cancer. so one last swipe at Australian language before I depart, to order a normal coffee here you have to ask for a “flat white” , and now that their cricket team has been flattened by the mighty English, I can see exactly why they would call it that.
As I prepared to leave this morning, I could not resist the last opportunity to see some more Australian breakfast TV as it has been a major source of material for my amusement and this blog. Amusement this morning took different dimension in that today is apparently the first day of summer in Australia, and the programme I was watching came live from Bondai Beach in Sydney where the rain was absolutely lashing down! It is a sign…. The Ashes are coming home with us! The English are here to destroy the Australian summer . It started in Brisbane with the cricket, now we have brought them some of our spare rain, next stop to ruin Adelaide for them!
OK, that’s enough Aussie baiting, at least until later in the week when the second Ashes Test starts. Stand by your beds, I am staying on Aussie time until the second test has finished in another draw.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money?www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
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Surfers Paradise internet down
What to you do if you have a city with a huge and famous coastline stretching thousands of miles in each direction, covered with sand and quiet as can be? Answer appears to be to build a fake beach in the middle of the city as my picture today shows.
Brisbane city beach, just after sunset
So I decided to check out the famous Gold Coast and in particular Surfers Paradise on my last day in Australia. The names alone set off alarm bells, before setting off I had visions of cheap loud foreigners making a lot of noise and pretending to be surfers, but enough about the Brits.
Surfers Paradise is the antipathy of what you would expect. It is only a paradise if you like high-rise apartment blocks, cheap restaurants offering all day breakfasts, and I did not see one internet cafe, so surfing the net was quite difficult unless you took your own laptop. The only attraction as far as I could see was a curious pastime of swimming out into the sea with what looked like bits of old door and attempting to stand on them whilst the waves knocked you off.
It was so boring I fell asleep on the beach after a nice lunch and several glasses of very acceptable Australian wine and a couple of pints of Guinness. I am afraid to say that the only place where you could get a drink with a view of the sea was O’ Malleys Irish Bar in the centre of Surfers Paradise. Regular readers will be aware that I abhor establishments of this nature, I never visit the Queens Legs in Valbonne more than four times a week, such is my distaste, but when in Rome, drink in an Irish pub.
Perhaps that is why the Australian wine tasted acceptable or maybe reading about it sent me to sleep . I saw a piece in The Australian, a national newspaper today. It was about Grange and Penfold two of the er…best Australian wine producers, competing to produce the most expensive red Australian wine. Clearly it must have been a typo because it quoted figures of over $500, so one too many noughts obviously, otherwise there is the laughable prospect of an Australian wine retailing at over £300 a bottle at today’s exchange rate! which would clearly be a good joke.
So, back to Brisbane for a last supper. Every major town seems to have a chinese quarter and I found Brisbane’s in Fortune Valley. Sadly I was not as fortunate as I had hoped and the areas name might suggest. Indeed I shall be writing to the Brisbane authorities to point out they had missed the unmarried female prefix from the name, Missfortune Valley should have been the correct moniker. I tried three different chinese restaurants and not one of them had a beer they could sell me, it looks like the Barmy Army had cleared them out, and they had not had time to restock. Thus I was forced into the tender arms of the Kaliber Lounge nearby where I failed to enjoy the most cremated spare ribs I have ever encountered. Perhaps there has been a very fierce forest fire nearby and my ribs were somehow in the middle of it, in any event there was more ash than meat.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money?www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
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Best French Riviera Property Agent?
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http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Best local artist? www.helenhumphrey.com
Hooters and a “sticky”, an Australian odessey
Another Australian expression with which I have been confronted over the past few days is to have a “sticky beak”. This apparently means to have a good look around and stick your nose in to find what’s going on. Over the years the expression has been shortened to “having a sticky”. Now call me old-fashioned, but I don’t think I could announce to my friends, or even to that nice lady decorator that I was ready for a sticky, and god forbid in front of the kids or better still their friends.
My picture today is of wild long beaked Ibis (today’s tenuous link) in a park in Brisbane, where they are seen as scavengers, which is a bit rich coming from a country which emerged from a felons paradise. One of the Barmy Army’s most popular hymns memorably describes Australians in this manner; “You all live in a convict colony” sung to the tune of Yellow Submarine. It is one of my favorite hymns. Expect now some sarky comment from The Reverend Jeff about the sanctity of hymn singing or some other religious tripe, in fact that is the only reason I referred to the Barmy Army’s choral output as hymns.
A few Ibis having a bit of a "sticky"
And talking of religion, for my second tenuous link, I can think of a religious context to the way The First Ashes Test has unfolded. After 3 days England was dead and buried, but the resurrection followed and cricket followers will know that history was made in the first Test in Brisbane, with England declaring on a massive 517 for 1 managing to draw the opening match.
I have one day left in Brisbane before flying home, so I have alerted some of my BA pilot friends of my flight numbers, and frankly I am expecting a bit more effort from them in order to make my flight back “a bit more comfortable”
Tomorrow I think I will find out what Brisbane has to offer in the way of entertainment out on the coast, having spent the last six days in the city. The city itself is very nice, a tad modern for my personal tastes, but the Australians seem to like that kind of thing. In fact last night I was tempted to enter a very modern looking establishment in the city which was called “Hooters”. The entrance fee looked a bit expensive at $50AUS (about thirty five quid at today’s exchange rates) but as I am a car enthusiasts and am particularly attracted to their horns, I thought at first this was marvellous way to spend an evening, hearing the different tones of the hooters from what I thought would be a range of classic cars, and also there was a charming and rather scantily dressed lady in the doorway who kindly invited me in.
However, It did not take me long (less than two hours) to discover that rather than the collection of fine old motor cars to look at and enjoy their hooters as I had expected, it was an establishment of doubtful repute, although I am prepared to concede there were some very decent chassis on show. All in all though, I thought the evening was worth the “sticky”.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Best local artist? www.helenhumphrey.com
Blow dog
Mouth to mouth resuscitation of a dog. That was the lead news story in Brisbane TV this morning. Apparently a local opera singer saved her dog in that manner yesterday. I suppose this should only ever to attempted if the dog is unconscious, and certainly never in front of friends or neighbours. If Banjo, the mentally retarded, badly behaved thief of a mutt ever require such a service, I am happy to say that death would be his only option. I would no more put my mouth anywhere near that infernal animal than I would place my penis in a mangle.
My picture today shows how the locals like to amuse themselves during the cricket. This is known as a snake and is comprised of hundreds, maybe thousands plastic beer cups, but in deference to the ridiculous health and safety politburo it is illegal to collect cups like this, and you can be ejected from the ground and be fined up to $AUS8000 which is about £5500 at today’s exchange rate.
I have racked my brains to come up with a reason why this can be dangerous, any ideas anyone? Paradoxically, It is probably quite legal to take a real snake into the ground, but not to make one from plastic.
Plastic glass snake
Another word that has a different meaning over here in Australia is thongs. These are what the Australians call sandals. Hence when an Aussie says, check out the Sheila in the thong, it may well not be worth turning around to look.
One of the best known Australian tunes is “Waltzing Matilda” which has been adapted by the Barmy Army, the traveling English supporters into “We’ll Shag Matilda”. Now what I did not know until this week which I learned from a believable Australian is that song is about a sheep called Matilda, so it looks like the Army have stabbed themselves in the foot on that one. I expect Steve Weston, my sheep loving golfing pal will already know that and have it in his ipod, probably on his “love songs” playlist.
A great fight back by the England cricket team in The Ashes series in Brisbane today does have a downside, I have had to buy a ticket for day 5 but do you know what?, I am delighted. It looks like we could get what I had told my incredulous French neighbour might happen, a very exciting draw after 5 days play. Actually all results are still possible.
Smokers in Brisbane are treated with even more disdain that in Europe. It is illegal to smoke on any licensed premises, even in gardens or terraces. If you want to have a smoke you have to stand on the side-walk, clearly not an option when one is attired in ones velvet smoking jacket and cravat. But, worse still, you cannot take your drink with you, as it is illegal to consume alcohol on the pavement, so it’s either have a smoke or a drink, but not together. Thus the cigar and Irish coffee or port or brandy experience is totally ruined by ridiculous busy-bodying of the type that I thought was limited to England. They deserve to lose The Ashes for that reason alone.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Best local artist? www.helenhumphrey.com
Vegetables? they are running the country
Mr Darwin created these weird trees in Australia, which will feature as my picture if I can overcome technology issues. The issues are mainly my lack of understanding of computers and the like. I admit that when my partner first linked my London office to email in 1994 I told him it was a complete waste of time and I would never use it.
These trees grow to huge heights and send down tendrils often from 50 feet above the ground, that become roots. I think they are called Curtain Trees, and as I have finished writing about them now I believe they might be referred to as a curtain call so to speak.
Curtain Tree in Brisbane centre
Day 3 of the Test, but awoke to Australian TV where the presenter on a piece on animals stated that she liked all animals as they tasted nice! A woman after my own heart, so no treading carefully over sensitive subjects here then!
The food on offer at The Ashes cricket match in Brisbane is mainly of that variety, ie roadkill burger or the hot dog and chips variety. Having lived in France for 6 years now, I have become rather fond of vegetables. I know some of you will find that hard to believe, anyway, I asked an Australian waiter at a restaurant why there were so few vegetables around, and he said that they were too busy running the country.
They do have some strange sayings. I took this picture at a big pub called The Ship in Brisbane after day 2 if the 5 day match.
Large Yacht available at cannabis prices?
Now I have heard it said that to buy cannabis can be quite expensive. Of course you will understand that I am only reporting hearsay, having no experience whatsoever on any occasion, of acquiring illicit substances, as Mark Gurdon would happily testify.
Schooners, however, I believe may be a little more of a financial burden. When I was contracted by Blue Water Yachts recently I had to write about schooners and the cost of buying them ran into millions of Euros, although not quite as many pounds as last week due to exchange rate fluctuations, and I am at a loss to understand how they can sell schooners at pot prices. Maybe the schooner owner has been smoking too much of his product? Perhaps the clue is in the description of the barmaid; Pure Blond, also featured on their sign?
My sheep fancy friend Steve Weston will be interested to see what the bar maids at The Ship had emblazoned on their working attire; “we love ewe”. I tried to take a photograph of a pretty waitress wearing said item. Anyway, after I had been escorted from the premises, I retired hurt.
Neil Humphreys contacts me about his delectable wife Helen Humphreys upcoming exhibition of her stunning paintings in Valbonne. It takes place in the heart of Valbonne village at Valerie de Casual, Rue Eugene Grad on 10 & 11 Dec. From 10:00 – 21:00. He asked me to promise not to mention that they will be offering a glass of wine to anyone attending, so I won’t.
She will also be making an exhibition of herself at the Christmas Fair at Bastide St Mathieu on 2nd December where that nice lady decorator will be running the champagne bar. As you know I don’t hold with clichés but for some reason I am reminded of an old song by The Specials (I think?) called “The Lunatics Are Taking Over The Asylum”.
The Ashes Test series has all gone horribly wrong for England, but I am looking on the bright side, I can probably save $AUS 40 (about £26 at today’s exchange rate) by not buying a ticket for day 5.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Best local artist? http://www.helenhumphrey.com
No leg to stand on
The match started at 10am, so it was nice to find out that Barmy Army HQ at the Pig ‘n Whistle pub in Brisbane decided to open its doors at 5.45 am. Clearly England cricket supporters are a very thirsty lot.
This breaks my record for an early drink. I remember long ago, when I played cricket myself, our team won some local newspaper competition when I was playing cricket at Leighton Buzzard. The prize was a 4 day trip to Magaluf, the arse end of Spain and that’s saying something for a country that resembles a huge pair of buttocks, if only metaphorically, and boy did we act like people you hope you never meet whilst on holiday.
Fourteen cricketers on the trip, fourteen pints lager ordered, at 07.45 at East Midlands airport I think projects the flavour of the trip…So I felt duty bound whilst here in Brisbane, for reminiscent purposes only you understand, to make the most of the facilities provided, indeed, it would have seemed to me churlish not to.
I seem to recall a very attractive girl with one leg whom we encountered in a bar and it was agreed that the entire team would attempt to seduce here. As in life, there are winners and losers, and although modesty forbids me to tell you who was victorious, I was for a time known as “leg over France”, and was subsequently and constantly asked by the captain to field either at short leg, long leg or deep backwards square leg, which for non cricketing aficionados are all bone fide cricket positions. This of course was long before I made a solemn pact with that nice lady decorator to allow her exclusive decorating rights in my household.
The local TV station carried a picture of the Australian flag flying at half mast, in deference to their forthcoming defeat in Brisbane. The presenter tried to contend that it was something to do with some mining issue in New Zealand, but I realised the truth. If it was that important I don’t know why they didn’t call in Gary Glitter to help, he was apparently very good with minors.
The gabba cricket ground, scene of Peter Sidalls hatrick
My picture today is, inevitably of the Gabba, the cricket ground which is the venue for the first Ashes Test. England versus Australia, it does not get any bigger than that in world cricket.
The Pig n Whistle pub in Brisbane is not only the headquarters for the Barmy Army, it also the official Brisbane home of Manchester United Football Club. And Liverpool, and Chelsea, and West Ham, Rangers, Spurs, Arsenal, Chelsea, you get the picture? A shameless commercial attempt to get Brits through the door to spend their aussie dollars click here for current exchange rate. I like it.
Despite the fact that England are behind on the first day, it was a great day’s cricket, but my plan for it to end in a draw after 5 days play (to the utter amazement of some of my French friends) lie in tatters due to events today. We shall just have to go and and win it now.
Tonight, I must got to the Barmy Army party to commiserate and prepare for what will undoubtedly be a better day tomorrow.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Australians whine
Poms whinge and Australians wine. Australian wine has become well known over the past 20 years, and even I have been known to partake occasionally when no proper real French wine is available. They also make champagne although of course they are not allowed to call it that, and in any event it is of such quality that they often feel the need to disguise its natural charm with the addition of peach nectar or something similar, anything to mask the original taste.
So First Day of the Test is upon me today, the raison d’etre which I expect my ill educated fridge magnet salesman friend Paul North thinks is some kind of pastry.
I dreamed we won the toss, batted and were 330 for 2 at the end of he day and life could scarcely be better, or did they win the toss and its all started badly? its difficult to write factually when you are writing a few days before the event for logistical reasons.
The scale of this country is hard to grasp. As the pilot said we are over Northern Australia, the blond nearby started buckling her seatbelt, but we still had six hours more flying to reach Sydney.
It did not take me long to find some kangaroos, these were below a large Christmas tree that was being erected in the centre of Brisbane but I still have not figured out the connection.
Skippy and friend Christmas shopping in Brisbane
As we arrived into Sydney airport early on Wednesday morning we suffered what all visitors to Australia have to suffer, we were all sprayed to ensure that no bugs could be introduced into the country unknowingly. The tannoy announcement said they were spraying for pests, but they were not to know that the nice lady decorator did not accompany me on this trip.
This evening, which of course is now 12 hours ahead of most of you, I shall go and fraternise at the Pig ‘n Whistle pub nearby which has been deemed the headquarters of the barmy army for the next week, they army being the travelling (dis)organised English supporters club. I shall expect no less than singing in anticipation of the start of the game tomorrow.
By now my regular readers will realise that a cliché to me is like a red rag to a bull so I never use them. Mac Mackay gets in touch to ensure that whilst in Australia I should try to see some sport, I suggest surfing but he says they don’t have the internet, but I am sure people sleeping with their sisters also happens down under.
The trip down under was eventful, I was initially refused boarding at Nice airport due to not having an Australian visa. I asked “don’t you know who I am?” To which I got a curt “non!” But it transpires one can buy a visa at the airport, also, local currency, but at terrible exchange rates.
Then, having overcome that hurdle I boarded and awaiting the upgrade, that never came. “Don’t you know who I am” I shouted, but clearly they stewardess did not, nor as it seems, did any of my 4 BA pilot captain friends.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Jet lag – name of Australian convict?
The only interpretation of the phrase “jet lag” that I will accept is if one of the planes that I am catching on my trip down under is delayed. The idea that you can be tired after flying for 24 hours, mainly asleep in a comfy chair, is absurd. By the time you are up and reading this, I should have arrived in Brisbane, found the pit of a hotel I am staying in, taken part in barmy army choir practice, and be tucked up in bed nervously awaiting the morning and the start of the first days play in The Ashes series.
Brisbane, on the gold coast of Queensland, about half way up on the right hand side of Australia was first introduced to me in about 1985 on my way up to Townsville and Cairns. It is early summer and hot and humid, about 30 degrees, and I have selected my attire, crisp white shirt, tasteful cuff links (in the shape of a kangaroos nuts squeezed in a vice) navy blue blazer, or perhaps my smoking jacket, I haven’t quite decided on that part yet, M.C.C tie, monocle, bowler hat and silver topped cane. I don’t want to stand out and my instincts tell me I have it just right. I feel that the convicts that have settled this place will approve of a little sartorial guidance from the old country, so that is what I intend to give them.
They have a lot of bars here, I guess it must be ingrained into the psyche, prison bars that is. They must have a serious number of prisons, well you would wouldn’t you, it must feel like home to a typical Australian who might be called Jet Lag if he had flown as far as I have in the past few days. I guess they don’t have too many break outs if every prison has a bar but I wonder if there what the procedure is if you have been banged up for drink driving?
The GABBA cricket ground in tBrisbane is the venue for thsi historic match, the first in a histroic series. It has one of the great addresses, Vulture St, Woolloongabba, a fitting street name for picking over the remains of Australian Cricket.
As in America, some words and the meaning of some words are different over here. Some may remember a couple of weeks ago when the delectable Melissa Graves when at La Kavanou in Valbonne put sellotape over her mouth to ensure she did not say anything stupid or incriminating that might feature in this column. In fact I am going to feature it again below.
Melissa Graves with Australian Durex in her mouth
The generic word for sellotape over here is Durex. So if she had done the same over here in Australia, I think you can imagine my reporting of her action could have been widely misinterpreted. The headline might have had to have been Melissa Graves in Durex shock? A nice little joke could have escalated into a sexual scandal, although in practical terms, if might be considered by some for one’s partner to apply contraception techniques in an unusual way such as implied here might be unwelcome to some. Welcome to the land down under indeed!
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Rising from The Ashes
The Australian medical profession has been asked to accept some government sponsored changes, but the ear specialists wouldn’t hear of it. And talking of not listening, that nice lady decorator who flew back from England yesterday asked why I had packed.
By the time today’s droolings from this column are born, I estimate I shall be en route from Singapore to Sydney and as long as one of my British Airways pilot mates has done his duty I should be sipping champagne in Business Class at the very least.
Our steward will be no doubt called Bruce, as are all Australians unless they are called Sheila, and actually not all Sheilas are female. Going to Australia gives me a chance to drag out all the old Aussie jokes, many of whom are still playing for the National team. I jest of course, whilst form dictates that we should win, personally I would be delighted to draw the series as they are at home and there is no bigger incentive for an Australian than to piss on English chips, especially after the rugby thrashing the Australians received at the hands of the old enemy ten days ago.
I am of course referring to cricket, and I don’t mean the grass hopping kind. The Ashes is one of the great world sporting occasions, and in two days time it will start and unless Mr Bin Laden or some of his swarthy friends have a surprise in hand or something else untoward happens, I shall be there in Brisbane, home of XXXX lager to witness it.
It is said that the only culture you get in Australia is found on top of a mouldy yogurt, (the old ones are often the best ones!) But in my experience that is not true, the Australians get very haughty about their supposed lack of culture and history, so there is culture, perhaps it is best described as haughty culture?.
Singapore airport is a fantastic place, with an indoor tropical garden adorning the passenger terminal,and Brisbane must almost be sub tropical as well, so I have packed very little other than shorts and cigars.
Once in Brisbane I will immediately seek out the venue for Barmy Army choir practice. The Barmy Army is the name given to travelling English cricket fans during the long dark days when England was being regularly thrashed by Australia, and frankly, by almost every other cricket paying country, and summed up what most people thought about the unrealistic hopes of their traveling supporters that England might actually win a game.
A typical foot soldier from the Barmy Army
It was a typically British institution, wallowing in and enjoying defeat, and although now the Army often degenerates into mindless chanting, there are some good lyrics which have been sung by the Barmy Army over classic tunes with insulting references to convicts and the like.
It is these that I need to rehearse before the game, and usually choir practice, to which any Englishman is invited, takes place in a pub garden and can attract thousands of singers, well, drinkers who think they can sing anyway.
Of course the exchange rate from £ to aussie dollar has collapsed from nearly 3 to 1 to the pound down to 1.6 to the pound, so it will not be as cheap as it might once have been, but I will try to make the best of it.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Mr Darwin invented the world
The aborigines, with whom I shall shortly be communing, do have something in common with the ex-patriot population in the Valbonne area, in that their society has been very deeply affected by the consumption of strong drink.
Social barriers have become eroded and deeply held convictions, indeed the fundamentals of the respective cultures have been cast aside by alcohol. There was a time when I could remember what it was like to be sober and I believe the same is true of many of the original indigenous population of Australia.
When in foreign climes I like to immerse myself in the culture of the land, so it seems I have a choice, drink loads of alcohol like the aborigines or try to steal something and end up in prison like most Australians. It was of course a penal colony, so all white Australians are descended from convicts.
They have impossible names like Crocodile Dundee. Personally I was never Christened, my parents being enlightened enough to believe that I could do so when I was old enough to make my own decision. Can you imagine the Christening? I name this child Crocodile….I imagine that the nice lady decorators Christening may have been marred by her wanting to drink the holy wine? No doubt I will now have regular reader, the Revered Jeff, moaning about me not understanding the different practices of different religions again, but the only religion I could perhaps accept in part is one that has as its basis the consumption of wine, indeed that could be a religion in itself.
The French have saints for just about everything so they must have one for wine, maybe its St Margaux or St Petrus? I guess the German version would be St Libfraumilche (the should f**k up the spell check! – yep, suggestions comes up “empty” which is how I like my glass of that horrid sweet muck). A quick search of http://www.Catholic.org reveals that St Amand is the patron saint of wine merchants, that’s close enough! Here is a picture of how he might have looked;
Note the strategically placed glass of wine
Actually I don’t really hold with religion, but what would the jews and arabs have to argue about if they didn’t have religion? or any other countries or races that are at war? Can’t someone tell them all that the world was invented by Mr Darwin?
Ok, that most of the world and the entire religious community insulted in just one column! I am getting better! What next? I know, dog lovers!
Another positive spin-off from being away for 10 days is that I will not have to put up with that noxious, Tourette’s suffering, kleptomaniac canine disaster area that is called Banjo. Yesterday he somehow managed to open two doors and get into the kitchen and steal a packet of butter. Of course, he was not clever enough to destroy the evidence and left the empty packaging in his basket. So the analytical services of Inspector Frost were not required to ascertain guilt on this occasion. That nice lady decorator took the news well, in fact she tried to turn it into a positive. “You are going to be hanging around with a lot of convicts in Australia, so he was trying to break you in gently”
Yesterday I eschewed golf as I had to pack, but popped into Valbonne for what may be the last sample of French wine that will touch my lips for 10 days at least. There will be nothing civilised to drink in Auz, just gassy beer and sweet sparkling wine I expect, so I felt justified in attempting to consume something and then try to hold the memory of something decent before I head off.
Angloinfo have still not worked rescinded my blogging rights on their site. This week is the third time they have allowed me to publish my grumpy column called Happy Mondays, an obviously ironic title given my usual state of mind on a Monday. However, today is not a normal Monday, I mean lets face it, usually I am up at the crack of 9 30 for a walk, back for breakfast then a backbreaking hour or so of toil as I clear the whole days workload, lunch, then a swing in the hammock strategising until dinner time, tough! especially if the sun is low in the sky as it is now and the temperature only hovering in the early 20’s celsius. Today of course is different….
I am reminded of the Three Yorkshiremen sketch in Monty Python, “of course, we had it tough”
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Intercontinental bowels
As the day dawned less than sunny, I suddenly remembered a reason why I could not play golf today, although it took me some time to think up recall exactly what it was. It is an odd coincidence that I remember an excuse a reason on those days when it is less than sunny, but I just cannot explain it. This will of course cause me to rewrite the sheep fetishist story about Steve Weston, so beloved by the golfing fraternity of the REGS, and so expected of me after the usual post round drinks at the 19th hole.
Tomorrow is the big day and I feel so sick with anticipation at flying out from terminal 1 at Nice airport for Australia, I might almost call it a terminal illness. A 24 hour flight via London and Singapore awaits, I am nervously excited about the series to the extent that my bowels are some disarray, I suppose you could them intercontinental.
Last night I was so determined not to be dragged into another social occasion that I turned off my phone, I had expected a quiet week with that nice lady decorator in the UK but it has not gone according to plan due to the combined efforts of the Wingco and Wayne from FRday, an MP’s wife, a beautiful American, HSBC and Currencies Direct. They are all to blame whilst as usual I am blameless.
My picture today is an example of art photography at its finest. Just point the camera at the sun and call it art, that is what most arty photographers do. I just need to come up with a pretentious description after which I will consider substantial offers.
This photograph is called cataclysm. It represents the rebirth of Jesus as a feline lighting up the world around her in a beaming shaft of light. That will be £5000 please.
I discover that Anna, editor of Riviera Woman, must have a hitherto undiscovered perverse sense of humour as she has agreed to publish my misogynistic article about women in business. I have also discovered that she was a DJ in London for 17 years, but quite how she made the leap from that career to publishing a girlie magazine (as I think it could be described) remains shrouded in mystery. I think I will suggest that she start another magazine called Riviera Man, after all, I suspect that after publication she may be looking for gainful employment in pastures new.
I am asked to remind all my readers of the Xmas fair at the Bastide St Mathieu on December 2nd. That nice lady decorator has signed up to run the champagne bar on the day, which of course will preclude it making a profit, on the basis of one for me one for you… Those that know her will realise that she can drink her own weight in champagne in under 2 hours, as long as she starts slowly. There will be lots of Christmas type goodies available and Currencies Direct will be sponsoring the event, so I shall be available to sign autographs, and to save people money on currency transfers before Christmas.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Doggy bag horror
It occurred to me that Banjo, the retarded, snot producing, smelly, ungrateful animal who has gate-crashed this household -at least for the moment – on the insistence of that nice lady decorator, is unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and has idea who his father is. Perhaps he is a candidate for benefits?
Two more days of freedom before that nice lady decorator returns, then off to the airport on Monday for the trip to Australia to retain The Ashes, chaps will know what I mean. I have diary notes to contact all 3 of my BA pilot friends over the weekend to ensure they send the pilots charged with flying me on my mission to Australia to do “whatever they can to make my flight more comfortable” as the coded request for an upgrade is apparently worded.
Before that, tomorrow, a rare opportunity (weather permitting) to play golf with Dave the Fade et al, at St Donat. Dave has recently returned from China attempting to have his fade surgically removed. I shall report back on this doubtlessly doomed operation on Monday, as long as no rain is forecast.
Some people have asked if they will be spared my daily blatherings whilst I am away, but of course not! I have already pre-written a good chunk of the traveling days material, so pay close attention, there will be a test afterwards, and those that have not been paying attention will receive their punishment by way of exposure in this column.
Yesterday, lunch with the wingco at Auberge St Donat. That’s it, that’s all I remember, although the flashbacks have started and I seem to remember Remy Martin on a sunny terrace, watching the sun go down whilst the Wingco played guitar and sang the blues, but it may have been a dream.
Last evening, having been brutally awakened at 6 30pm from my post prandial brandy induced siesta, I found myself battling the twin towers of temptation, Wayne is insisting on my company early evening and the Wingo insists I celebrate the birthday of John Mundell later on. You will no doubt be aware of the fate of those towers and so I was expecting to crash and burn in a similar fashion, one way or another.
In the end, no call came from the Wingco, so I ended up having a drink with Wayne Brown from Fr2day, Melissa Graves and her faithful gardener Iuean (she is so generous inviting him out and looking after him when her husband is away, but then someone has to tend her geraniums) in La Kavanou and was feeing a bit peckish when I spotted the doggy bag in my picture below;
A new meaning for the word doggy bag
Most people, if they embrace the idea of a doggy bag, await the end of the meal before collecting the left overs, but this left over was taken to the bar by its owner, perhaps she thought the tapas were not sufficiently filling and decided to take a snack with her, and a a fresh one at that? Unless this little critter has another use? As I have been properly brought up, I have no idea what I am trying to imply, I am sure it is just a cute pet.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
Big Ben Bell For Banjo?
Mike Hardacer (with a K) from angloinfo emails me with some vague comment about “future tense”. I agree that future is an unknown and that can make us all a bit tense. Perhaps he needs to take the new drug designed for women called DAMNITOL. Just take 2 tablets and the world can go to hell for a full eight hours, however I have heard that Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow and that the Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it.
My new friend Joseph suggests the he will pay for a bell for the collar of the evil supercharged, wood chewing, idiot cocker spaniel, Banjo. I have suggested the bell of Big Ben might do the job, if it was dropped from the right height.
Alarmingly today, I have heard from Anna, editor at Riviera Woman that she likes my misogynist article suggesting that women are crap at business because they are too emotional and react too strongly to what people are wearing or how they smell. Regular readers of this missive will realise that it is a wind up, but I have a vague uneasy feeling about this, if people were to believe I was serious, which of course I am, then I may receive some intemperate comments, I do hope so!
Another crap photo trying to capture the snow line at Greoliere Les Neiges
I did not want to go out, truly, but Wayne from fr2day and BA pilot Paul Warner were insistent. “Just a quick one in the wine bar, a pizza and home”. and so it came to pass. Actually, early readers of this re-reading may suspect that some subterfuge has occurred and they would be right.
That nice lady decorator called as she remembered she had a husband looking after her tortoises, the intellectually challenged, spontaneously defecating, malevolent, dribbling kleptomaniac of a dog Banjo, and the benign and well-behaved family pet Max.
Was the call to ask after our combined well-being? Err…not exactly, she wanted to ensure I had set the TV to record some utterly boring pointless and excruciating TV series called something like “Agatha Sherlock Poirot Bergerac Midsummer Rebus Mystery Frost Murder, Again”. Of course it will contain exactly the same plot as the 16,000 others in the same vein that she already has stored; ie a murder, suspicious circumstances, solved by clever policeman, the end.
If I lived anywhere bear Midsummer, I would move out as soon as possible, don’t the residents that are left realise that almost everyone living there has been murdered? one a week for the last 15 years at least.
This morning I awoke thinking, two days of quiet, no drinking or socialising, even though this is of course a different strand of my work with Currencies Direct, just nose to the screen, writing, then I looked in the diary and saw the day disintegrate in front of my eyes, “lunch at Auberge St Donat with Wingco”, and I think my liver shivered.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
“Doors to manual”, royal shock
A lovely dinner at the evil-smelling Hotel Des Ambassadeurs in Juan Les Pins courtesy of HSBC Antibes might have been a welcome respite from non stop work, had I not been working on behalf of Currencies Direct. Networking is best done on social gatherings, so regular readers will know just how hard-working I am. Local characters such as the mythical financial advisor Rod Mitchell were enjoying the hospitality. Mythical because no one is completely certain he exists, and most of his clients are certain he does not know how to dial out, such is his reputation, cheerfully accepted, of not returning calls. Media types rubbed shoulders with bankers and I caught Wayne Brown from FR2day in typical flow with Ab, president of the Riviera Business Club in my picture today.
It's all about me, Wayne Brown on the left talks to Ab Kujyer
I am asked by stunning blond new friend Jill Bausch to “walk” her and her visiting and very attractive friend Pippa into the wine bar in Valbonne last night, so what is a man to do when his wife is away? Answer, he must give up an evening to entertain two very attractive ladies.
As it turned out it was they who entertained me. They insisted on buying the drinks and then dinner at the Moroccan restaurant in Valbonne. I cannot reveal the name of the Member of Parliament to whom Pippa is married, mainly because it was not revealed to me. I seem to recall laughing all evening but my favourite repeatable moment came when I asked if she had children and she replied that she had two step-monsters.
Amongst the many stories I heard, almost all to which I had to pledge secrecy, she regaled us with a story about Kate Middleton’s mother, the mother of our future kings consort, who was once an airline stewardess. I will never hear the expression “doors to manual” again without having to laugh.
As the wine flowed, one of my regular failings became exposed. I firmly believe that I am attractive to women, and become more certain of this the more wine that I consume. Thus I suspected (well fantasised actually) that they might expect something in return in the bedroom department so I wisely and graciously left the 5 Euro tip and then asked what they had in mind for me as I had paid for dinner. I don’t quite know what I did wrong but suffice to say that the evening finished very soon after.
Again, ever since I can remember, I have also considered (more so after a few drinks) that I understood women, but it may be time for me, in the light of mounting evidence to the contrary, (or no mounting evidence perhaps?) to face the fact that I may be wrong in this respect. However, undeterred, I have submitted my proposed article to Rivera Woman, a magazine that seems dedicated to furthering the claims of women in business, so I am hoping I got this one right.
The piece seeks to argue that women are crap in business because they judge by appearance and rely on intuition rather than addressing the facts. It is a mighty work and I look forward to its imminent publication. Or not.
Chris France
Buying a house in France, moving money? www.currenciesdirect.net/chrisfrance
Latest local news? http://www.fr2day.com/
Best Estate Agency in Valbonne? http://www.rivierarealty.net/
Best French Riviera Property Agent?
http://www.afa-international.com/
http://frenchriviera-properties.com/
Rent my house in summer? http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/p412514
Rent a private villa in Provence? www.cotdazurvillarentals.com
Best on line resource in Valbonne? http://www.valbonneonline.com/
Secret supper club http://www.red-radish.com/
Wedding reception? http://www.bastidestmathieu.com/
Valbonne Tourist Office http://www.tourisme-valbonne.com
Top quality interior designer? http://www.marineguigue.com/
John Otway’s New Book? www.johnotway.com
Modular portable exhibition system? http://www.creative-village.co.uk/web_ads/bigger_picture.html
Living France, Le Blog http://livinginfrance.mon-coach-langues.com
Best Estate Agent in Mandelieu? www.chrisma.com
Ceramic Cafe in Biot? www.latassedecouleur.com
Rent a villa in Cote D’Azur? www.myperfectvilla.com
Find A House in Cote d’Azur? www.frenchrivierapropertysearch.com
Monthly Riviera News? www.rivieratimes.com
Local ex pat information resource? www.angloinfo.com
First snow at Greoliere
I have to report a rather depressing response to my suggestion recently that the malevolent idiot black and white mutant cocker spaniel, Banjo, should not have a bell attached to his collar when I walk each morning dodging the French hunters in the forests, so I have come up with a plan. If I get him some woollen mittens to go on his paws then he wont be heard at all by the hunters and may survive the cull walk. Although with the weather today, Walking is off the agenda, and the first snows of winter are at nearby Greoliere, as you may be able to see from this fairly indistinct picture taken from the edge of Valbonne yesterday afternoon.
First snows of winter at Greoliere
I made the suggestion about the mittens whilst on the phone to that nice lady decorator, but it seemed to enrage her and at that very moment she or I must have entered an area of poor reception because I could not hear what she was saying. These land lines can be so unreliable.
Dame Helen Mirren has said that France is a much better place to live than England where standards of decency and respect are eroding, and blaming in part, well, people like me. She says that vicious English humour of the Monty Python and Little Britain variety and its spread via the internet and social networking is to blame for the breakdown in social values in society.
Now I hate to disagree with our venerable our National Treasure of an actress, but she makes her comments from Los Angeles where she lives with her American husband! Jesus! I would rather live in Yorkshire with its tundra, tripe and whippets (and Yorkshireman) than anywhere in America! As if to underline my point, the spellchecker does not recognise the word “Yorkshire” and when you ask it for suggested spellings it came back with “empty” which just about sums it up for me.
She seems to have no understanding of underlying English humour which to me was reshaped by the Monty Python team began their subversive work in the 1960’s over 40 years ago, when I certainly did not have the internet! It is almost certain that social networking sites,(even I have a Facebook account) are at the route of changing social values and skills, but to blame in part English style humour is absurd, unless she was being ironic? Facebook is only just over 5 years old!
Being the guest of a banker for dinner is on one level worrying and on another level thrilling. I remember once being invited by Barclay’s to Lords to their executive box, and I think I managed to drink and eat my way through a good portion of the bank charges they had previously assaulted me with. On the other side of the question is why? Anyone who has dealt with banks over the years knows they do nothing for nothing, but this evening must be different, at last I have something that they want, not something I am trying to get then to lend me money for! so this evening I will have the chauffeur, Mr Humphries, deliver me to Les Ambassadeurs in Juan Les Pins so that I can eat and drink as much as I can before they realise I am a fraud. It surely cannot be because they understand the benefits of Currencies Direct?
Chris France
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