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Jet lag – name of Australian convict?

November 24, 2010

The only interpretation of the phrase “jet lag” that I will accept is if one of the planes that I am catching on my trip down under is delayed. The idea that you can be tired after flying for 24 hours, mainly asleep in a comfy chair, is absurd. By the time you are up and reading this, I should have arrived in Brisbane, found the pit of a hotel I am staying in, taken part in barmy army choir practice, and be tucked up in bed nervously awaiting the morning and the start of the first days play in The Ashes series.

Brisbane, on the gold coast of Queensland, about half way up on the right hand side of Australia was first introduced to me in about 1985 on my way up to Townsville and Cairns.  It is early summer and hot and humid, about 30 degrees, and I have selected my attire, crisp white shirt, tasteful cuff links (in the shape of a kangaroos nuts squeezed in a vice) navy blue blazer, or perhaps my smoking jacket, I haven’t quite decided on that part yet, M.C.C tie, monocle, bowler hat and silver topped cane. I don’t want to stand out and my instincts tell me I have it just right. I feel that the convicts that have settled this place will approve of a little sartorial guidance from the old country, so that is what I intend to give them.

They have a lot of bars here, I guess it must be ingrained into the psyche, prison bars that is. They must have a serious number of prisons, well you would wouldn’t you, it must feel like home to a typical Australian who might be called Jet Lag if he had flown as far as I have in the past few days.  I guess they don’t have too many break outs if every prison has a bar but I wonder if there what the procedure is if you have been banged up for drink driving?

The GABBA cricket ground in tBrisbane is the venue for thsi historic match, the first in a histroic series.  It has one of the great addresses, Vulture St, Woolloongabba, a fitting street name for picking over the remains of Australian Cricket.

As in America, some words and the meaning of some words are different over here. Some may remember a couple of weeks ago when the delectable Melissa Graves when at La Kavanou in Valbonne put sellotape over her mouth to ensure she did not say anything stupid or incriminating that might feature in this column.  In fact I am going to feature it again below.

Melissa Graves with Australian Durex in her mouth

The generic word for sellotape over here is Durex. So if she had done the same over here in Australia, I think you can imagine my reporting of her action could have been widely misinterpreted. The headline might have had to have been Melissa Graves in Durex shock? A nice little joke could have escalated into a sexual scandal, although in practical terms, if might be considered by some for one’s partner to apply contraception techniques in an unusual way such as implied here might be unwelcome to some. Welcome to the land down under indeed!

Chris France

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