Skip to content

I see no ships

April 29, 2014

I suppose it had to happen. Following two weeks of holiday, touring Northern Spain and some of the south-west of France, eating and drinking, and, after the furore of our arrival back into the bosom of Valbonne with all the attendant partying that this entails, yesterday was an utterly different experience. A 5:2 diet day was decreed by That Nice Lady Decorator, something the like of which I had been vaguely and uncomfortably aware may surface at some stage, and yesterday it was periscopes up.

Gardening is so much more agreeable when you have the sun on your back and with yesterday being a wonderful Provençal day, bright and clear and 24 degrees, I had hoped that someone would pop by whilst I was chopping, sawing, digging and tidying and the diet would be abandoned. Instead, I was let down by all of my friends, none of whom thought to come and visit and relieve me from the tedium of a limit of 600 calories, which, of course, precludes a drink. I have only agreed to submit to this regime in France on the basis that, as much socially seems to happen spontaneously, that should that spontaneity occur, then the diet is abandoned and normal play resumes. I reasoned that with word sweeping out locally that we were back, someone would spontaneously ride to my rescue, but  alas, no.

It was not all bad, after 5 hours of working in the garden, it became time to sunbathe in the garden. This is best undertaken with a glass of something cold and frothy, or even sparkling, but with no one in sight to reprieve me, early evening aperitifs took the form of Virgin Mary’s,  In other words Bloody Mary’s without the vodka, but with as much Worcester Sauce and tabasco as I could stomach. I found this picture on my phone taken on the Isle of Wight that seems to sum up my search for diet salvation.

pirate figure

On the lookout for someone to rescue me from the diet.

Worse still, because we are a scheduled to go to the new Chinese restaurant in Valbonne on Thursday night, and I shall most certainly be in the Auberge St Donat for lunch on Friday (it’s the law), and diet days are excluded from weekends, plus the Savins are coming to stay on Tuesday for the best part of the week, there is no other day from the second 5:2 diet day than today. I just hope one of my readers feels sufficiently sorry to pop around for a pichet.

The Savins, Pedro and Janey, are regular visitors to Valbonne and who can forget the lovely blonde and dedicated gardener Janey watering my plastic banana palm all week one year? It was the bunch of bananas that I had bought and tied to the tree on the last day of their stay about 4 years ago, when the penny finally dropped. Mildew had not previously been an issue with it, but without some serous drying out (a bit like me) it would have been the worse for wear (also like me). There is also the small issue of their combined appetites for eating and drinking to take into account) oh, how very beneficial, I have used “account”.  Now all I need to do is add the expression Currencies Direct, and the message, about using this fine organisation for all your foreign currency needs, is put across and my duty for the day is done.

So that’s it for another day. Think if me languishing in the garden, stripped to the waste, bulging muscles and bulging abdomen, glistening with the sweat of honest labour, and thinking about that first drink tomorrow lunchtime.

Chris France


5 Comments leave one →
  1. Phil pennicott permalink
    April 30, 2014 7:06 am

    Sadly I have just uncontrollably pictured you in the garden and I wish I hadn’t, there are some things that just cannot be undone and in all probability will scar me for life!!!
    Look forward to seeing you soon
    Captain Phil


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    April 30, 2014 7:22 pm

    His banana she tended with care,
    Its fruits she was longing to share,
    Then she screamed ” Oooh it’s plastic” !!
    Then thought ” That’s not drastic…
    It’s firmer with less wear and tear” !!



  1. Bicycle Repair Man fails | Chris France's Blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: