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Wheelie bin’s days are numbered

April 1, 2014

A nadir amongst nadir’s. The less than mighty English cricket team were defeated by Holland in the 20:20 cricket world cup qualifying round for the finals in Sri Lanka, in a pathetic effort by a bunch of well paid and pampered cricketers disgracing the England shirt. It is a pitiful end to a long run of failure which commenced when England first set foot in Australia last winter. The Dutch are part timers for Christ’s sake, and yet they smashed the hapless England team to pieces. Beaten by a bunch of no hope tulip growers. Can it get any worse? Only if they employ that alleged half wit Ashley Giles – apparently according to the Reverend Jeff, nicknamed The Wheelie Bin when he played – to run English cricket. That would be the most tasteless of April Fools jokes.

Talking of Spain, Ashley Giles is so well organised and exhibits such attention to detail, he seemingly once manufactured some t-shirts which were supposed to bear the legend “the king of spin” (he was a spin bowler in his day), but when they arrived the said “the king of Spain” instead. I bet he is still even using his bank to make foreign exchange transfers rather than doing the sensible and organised thing and signing up for an account with Currencies Direct.

arundel castle estate

A clear road ahead for English cricket?

OK, non cricket fans, I have vented my spleen. As I stirred myself from my pit a little early at 10 pm for the penultimate net practice for my own playing dreams before leaving for Cyprus, I realised that it was a damned diet day, the first of two back to back, which is just what you want to face on a Monday morning, still suffering from the effects of a splendid weekend. Of course the weather would not last and though not cold, the rain began spitting in the afternoon and it looks like summer has finished already and it is autumn again. Roll on Cyprus and then Spain and France.

Anyway, cricket practice went well. I managed to avoid being defeated by Lloyd, the 76-year-old bowler wearing his purple crocs, so a move forward. I was able to give my Kevin Pietersen bat a proper seeing to and will be cleaning off the edges before the last session on Wednesday.

So by the time you are reading this, I will probably be weak and collapsing through lack of food. I will probably be a gibbering wreck as well, but that is closer to normal for early in the week, but the prospect of my first trip to Limassol, indeed Cyprus, the Mediterranean and a cricket tour is a heady cocktail to which to look forward. On cricket tours when in my late 20’s it was often the case that none of the team would be in bed before 4 am and on one occasion in Jersey with the Hampshire Mercenaries, when I was captain, some of my team mates arrived to breakfast straight from the bar where they had been all night. I venture to suggest that on this tour, most of us will be tucked up in bed with a cup of Horlicks well before 11 pm. The ravages of age.

Packing up the house for rentals and being away for over two months takes a bit of planning. It also means that the Nice Lady Decorator has to live up to her name and, err… decorate. I am never allowed to use paint brushes as I am to do-it-yourself what Darcy Busell is to sheet metal welding. I am dangerous with tools and it has long been the case in my household where I am absolutely banned from wielding a tool of any description. I admit that I may have played up to that reputation in the past, but it is an eminently sensible arrangement. That way the job gets done quickly and efficiently, there are no breakages and no injuries.

Chris France

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    April 1, 2014 10:43 am

    ”Where I am absolutely banned from wielding a tool of any description”

    No comment necessary.

    Having researched the Ashley Giles story further it appears that it was mugs and not T shirts that were mis-printed. Somehow makes the story even more apposite !

    Rushing out so will limerick later. Helen you are neglecting your daily duty !


    • April 1, 2014 11:16 am

      Rushing out? You have never rushed anywhere in your life, except perhaps the bookies


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    April 1, 2014 1:19 pm

    Well rushing out was an exaggeration, but I was off to have coffee with a friend.

    You have to imagine me twirling the end of my moustache and talking like Leslie Phillips as you read this.

    Nudge…nudge….. what’s this ‘venting my spleen’,
    Never tried it..sounds naughty…I’m keen !
    Are those Cyprus girls willing ?
    By Gad it sounds thrilling !
    Bed and ‘Horlicks’…I get what you mean !!

    Enjoy the whole experience you sly dog….. sounds like you’ll be scoring freely !! Ding…dong …!!


  3. helen permalink
    April 1, 2014 6:32 pm

    Love your limerick today Rev.. Nothing from me I’m afraid …I am recovering from doing a few hours work ….. will get to it soon …….:)
    Meanwhile am leaving you gents to enjoy your cricket .


  4. Rev. Jeff permalink
    April 1, 2014 11:15 pm

    Thanks Helen. Now don’t go overdoing it ! It’s bad for the creative juices! Enjoy the cricket!!!! Rather an overstatement at the moment I’m afraid…but it does give us a chance for a good whinge !!


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