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Testiculation and subversion

March 19, 2014

The floods from last month have had a very serious long lasting effect and I am determined to campaign for the government to do more to protect decent pubs. We had planned to go to The Mill at Elstead, but it was closed until further notice due to flood damage. If ever there was a more distressing example of how destructive flooding can be, I would not like to see it. A great English institution, the pub, is in danger and priorities must be set. Forget the Somerset levels which are expected to be under water part of the year, forget coastal properties being lost to the sea, more money has to go into protecting pubs.

Ok, homily over. Lunch was taken at the very much less agreeable Golden Fleece in Elstead. Now here is a pub that might benefit from a flood. At least the decor would have to be changed, or maybe it has flooded and no one noticed? It could be half decent, it is a nice building but horrid button back benches, a lot of other nasty furniture, and the home made quiche we had was so much worse than any you can buy frozen at Tesco. We asked if it was home made and they said it was. Time to drown the chef.

Last night the return of the prodigal daughter, Sprog 2, from University coincided with an experimental evening at the White Hart as JAK, their usual restaurant set up, which usually only operates from Wednesday to Sunday, agreed with James “Desperate Dan” The Landlord to an offer by try out a variation on their normal fusion menu and to cook some Indian food last night, so in that spirit of neighbourly togetherness we decided to support the chaps and try it out. That and That Nice Lady Decorator did not feel like cooking.

colonial statue

He looks a bit Indian does he not?

It was a very good experiment and one that they should repeat but the upshot was that we drank a great deal of wine and ended up testiculating (waving your arms around whilst talking bollocks) with the Landlord and the Mighty and beautiful Omega. Thus my planned early night was ruined and the lights were out and most of the chairs on the tables before we left.

Today, after a hectic morning dealing with currencies issues with the help of Currencies Direct and oiling the wheels of the music industry, I have been invited to join the Sussex Seniors inner sanctum of net practice at the Arundel Indoor Cricket School for the more serious players. I shall be taking my new KP bat, aware of the dangers in may cause in terms of dressing room friction and undermining team morale, but the fact is that the bat is so good it has to be used (this last sentence will only be understood by followers of cricket). I may also dare to take my new Sussex Seniors cricket sweater, to which I have only the most unconvincing right to wear, but as many people know, I am thick skinned enough not to notice the sly looks and muffled comments of my fellow Seniors, concerned that I have not have earned that right as I have never played for them. However, I have made myself available for much of the latter half of the season when I expect to be back in the UK, surely I must be selected for one of the games at least? I am sure the situation will be discussed at the traditional post practice meeting at The White Hart at around 3 this afternoon. I shall no doubt be offered the chance to settle my tab from last night.

Chris France

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Helen permalink
    March 19, 2014 10:27 am

    With chairs on the tables again
    is clearly a sign d,ye ken
    to depart from the pub
    but ah! here’s the rub
    no bill paid!, we’ll be back, who knows when …….


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 19, 2014 12:04 pm

    Good stuff Helen. What are you up to now back in Blighty ?

    Talking bollocks while gesticulating,
    Is now known as testiculating,
    If the bollocks, I thought,
    Is cricket, it ought ,
    To be known as batesticulating !!

    Well you try pulling the threads of your butterfly mind together in a limerick !! Quite envy you getting the whites back on but not sure my back would allow me to keep wicket nowadays! The mind is willing etc…….


  3. Helen permalink
    March 19, 2014 5:27 pm

    Hi Rev. Dealing with stuff that got away, whilst I was away….. Think I’ve fixed it all now….
    yipeee .


  4. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 19, 2014 10:43 pm

    Time to go out and play then by the sound of it….have fun !!!


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