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Kings Arms and getting legless

February 27, 2014

So to lunch yesterday at the George at Burpham, which is a very pleasant experience, as the pub has been sensitively refurbished and is a comfortable venue for the most important meal of the day, but could be vastly enhanced by the provision of a decent menu. The food is always good, but the chef (if he is responsible for the menu choices) has the imagination of a stunned gnat. Suffice to say that three of the four intrepid members of the steering committee of the Arundel Luncheon Club found that battered hake with chips to be the best option. The chef can clearly cook, but will someone please give his some guidance? Nearly Hairless Nick, do you not have some influence?  Lamb, chicken, game, and something spicy would be a good start.

Over lunch with the beautiful Ali, mentor to the stars, and her husband Charlie Pistorius Malcolmson, whilst a hail storm of biblical proportions raged, as today’s picture bears witness, there was a wide-ranging discussion which covered many aspects of life including the benefits of having an account with Currencies Direct and getting legless, which one might think could be an inherent problem for a pub landlord. As his name suggests, he took this rather too literally and decided to have a motorbike accident in his younger days which involved him getting partially legless, hence his epithet of Pistorius in this column.

george at burpham

Hail storm turns everything white in Burpham

Recently, these wonderful chaps have suffered a fire at their brilliant pub in Arundel, The Kings Arms, and are currently battling insurance companies whilst they sleep in the bar,  This is, thankfully (and I am being entirely selfish here), undamaged, which is apparently the opposite to what one may witness upstairs. It is a testament to their fortitude that they were determined to open the pub the same afternoon following the blaze, which had involved five fire engines and gutted the upper floor. One can still see the holes in the ceiling which were drilled by the fire brigade to allow the water they were using to stop the inferno spreading to drain into rooms below, thereby protecting the said ceiling.

Insurance assessors and insurance companies in general are clearly nearly all delinquents with the kind of sympathetic qualities one might find at an abattoir. Twice they have arrived at the pub and given conflicting advice about how to deal with the damage, which means that after 10 days of dealing with the aftermath of what must have been a deeply shocking experience, Charlie and Ali are still unable to touch anything from upstairs whilst the assessors, err… assess.

It seems today that the insurance company are sending in their forensic experts to examine the seat of the blaze, presumably to confirm that Henry the Hoover, identified as the alleged culprit by the fire brigade, despite not having been used for 4 days (shame on you Ali) was to blame. That Nice Lady Decorator put it more succinctly than I, “Are they coming to arrest Henry the Hoover?”, she said as the second bottle of a rather cheeky Italian arrived. The moral of this tale is not to leave any electrical appliances plugged in, even if the power is switched off, which seems to have been the reason for this fire to start.

Perhaps the crusted port was pushing a things too far, and the bill, when it arrived, was rather shocking. The wine was my choice so I must shoulder much of the blame. I shall be more careful this evening when I must journey to Aylesbury, for the opening of the Friars exhibition at the Aylesbury Museum. It says much that a celebration of what a group of us thrusting young chaps managed to create in seventies in this formerly nice old market town should be recognised in a museum. There will be more details in tomorrow’s missive.

Chris France

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 28, 2014 12:10 pm

    When Henry The Hoover desires,
    To burn down a pub, it transpires,
    He’ll ignite in a blaze,
    If he’s not used for days,
    He’s a sulker and ‘sucker’ for fires !!

    Enjoy the Friars exhibition tonight. Liz and Keith will be there as Keith was the very first member of what Liz claims became a membership of 98,000. Seems high to me but I’m sure you’ll find out the exact figure tonight.


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 28, 2014 1:40 pm

    Or 3rd and 4th lines,

    He’ll stand idle for days
    Then ignite in a blaze.

    No other contenders today ?!!!


  3. howzaaat permalink
    February 28, 2014 4:17 pm

    The muses have left me !

    The operative word’s “inspiration” !
    Comes close to yours of “imagination”;
    If the chef’s a bit thick
    That needn’t make you sick :
    At least he won’t cause you constipation !


  4. Patrick permalink
    February 28, 2014 4:45 pm

    No crime perhaps, but a misdemeanour
    In not unplugging their vacuum cleaner !
    Their insurance can’t trust
    They’ve a “safety first” thrust –
    Their bins are bulging and ought to be leaner.


  5. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 28, 2014 5:11 pm

    Great stuff lads….now if we can just coax Helen out from under her duvet……


  6. Helen permalink
    February 28, 2014 5:42 pm

    Ha ha ha …its raining here Rev. 1st time in 3 months..aclimatising me for my return ….
    o.k. pen & paper at the ready 🙂


  7. Helen permalink
    February 28, 2014 6:22 pm

    Firemen who quelled the pub fire.
    Are the chaps who inflame my desire.
    As they slide down that pole.
    to come save my soul ,
    from the flames of that funeral pyre .


  8. Helen permalink
    February 28, 2014 8:54 pm

    Aw thanks Chris.. .am loving the strokes .


  9. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 1, 2014 12:01 am

    Excellent Helen-I would say your best to date !!


    • Helen permalink
      March 1, 2014 12:37 am

      Maybe a few days under the duvet helped , Rev . L.O.L.


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