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The Buzz of a cricket box

February 12, 2014

There was a predictably full response to my piece yesterday about the value of an abdominal protector, or cricket box when playing the finest game man has ever invented. Cricket practice at the Arundel Castle indoor cricket school was so much more relaxing once one has inserted the inverted soap dish into the trouser department so that it could carry out its vital work. The limericists who, with almost no encouragement from me, have made this column their home, had a field day with a very fine collection of limericks, all aimed at the testicles, a bit like a fast bowler will aim if irked.

The fact that my personal protector (each discerning cricketer has his own as sharing is not something a gentleman would contemplate, and I pretend to be a gentleman, especially if it comes down to borrowing one) is bright green also brought out the worst or best in some contributors, and was so popular, that it took the total number of hits on this website close to 130,000. Thus I feel duty bound to show a picture of the offending item today, mainly for my coterie of French readers who are fascinated and confused in equal measure about the game of cricket.

buzz Lightyear and cricket

Thats Buzz on the right, sporting a very fine green cricket abdominal protector

Obviously, I had to purchase the extra-large size due to, well I think it must be obvious. I am a big chap with big prospects. The traditional colour of these boxes is white, but the only one they had in the store in my size was in a quite fetching, some may say virulent green. You can see it here, being modelled rather startlingly by Buzz Lightyear,  in besides of some of my cricket trophies, which That Nice Lady Decorator has banned from the house (they now languish in my shed office on a shelf cluttered with other unwanted – by her – memories of earlier days. Note Woody, also from Toy Story, taking little interest on the left). As you can see it matches his plastic uniform perfectly. I think he might have made a cricketer. Too infinity and beyond!

With a sprained ankle, caused by leather soles slipping on the street last week in the eternal wet, keeping me from my usual march around the new bogs of Sussex, I took to my bike for some exercise and to see just how bad it is becoming, and also to decide where to build my ark. The rain is so unremitting that It is that or move abroad, in which case the services of Currencies Direct will be of enormous benefit to you. I would say I wished I was at my house in France, but it seems this pesky jet stream which is causing so much flood havoc in England, is having a similar, if less dramatic, influence in Provence. I trust that will have changed by mid April, when I intend to spend late spring and early summer in my house in the gorgeous village of Valbonne to dry out.

Last night then, as it was not a diet day, but a day of plenty, sandwiched (unfortunate description?) between two 5:2 diet days, we decided that a pint of beer early doors would be an agreeable way in which to build up strength for the trials and tribulations that will face us tomorrow. We therefore popped into The Swan for a pint of the best beer in the world, Fullers London Pride, before settling down to the roast chicken dinner that had been scheduled for Sunday afternoon, but was replaced by left over, warmed-up curry due to inability of That Nice Lady Drinker to coordinate sufficiently to pull it all together. I ate heartily knowing what will happen today.

Chris France

10 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2014 8:16 am

    “I intend to spend late spring and early summer in my house in the gorgeous village of Valbonne to dry out.”

    Come, now ! All the vignerons of France would have to dry up before you dry out !!


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 12, 2014 12:16 pm

    Buzz Lightyear looks good in your pics,
    And those trophies have hit me for six !
    You could certainly play,
    But I do have to say,
    A woody and box just don’t mix !!

    Remember those happy days when we turned out for Mentmore ! Remember Daph !!!


    • Helen permalink
      February 12, 2014 3:42 pm

      Hi Rev.
      was working around those themes in the middle of the night, when I get Chris’s blog..
      am so excited to receive it..any way nothing came up ..will have another go soon
      Yours is great…Beverly Hills was calling yesterday 🙂 what I did write was too questionable
      to post l.o.l.


  3. Helen permalink
    February 12, 2014 4:27 pm

    Buzz Light Year we know of by name
    He lives in “the sheds” hall of fame
    He sits next to the box
    that protects from the shocks
    of a hit in THAT CRICKETERS game


    • howzaaat permalink
      February 12, 2014 4:32 pm

      Good one, Helen — we were all holding our breath to see what you’d come up with yesterday ! Don’t you let Betty get to you — she’s just a silly old prude !!


      • Helen permalink
        February 12, 2014 4:39 pm

        Thank you kind sir I like your work today , very much too …. 🙂


  4. howzaaat permalink
    February 12, 2014 4:28 pm

    Chris was pedalling faster and faster,
    Wheels humming, stiff breeze… then disaster !
    For crashing off his bike,
    Chris explained his dislike :
    “I’m hurt ‘cos my pride’s now in plaster !”

    Another great limerick, Rev. Jeff — and I agree, I too was very taken with Chris’s wonderful array of cricketing trophies. He must have been very good in his day. I don’t have a single award to my name and yet I used to play in a league at least twice a week until age 63 (!) but then emigrated to France, where the game is hard to find and I’m too old now to play, I guess, but I’d love to watch the occasional village match somewhere. Ah me ! Such is life !


    • February 12, 2014 7:13 pm

      I have recently discovered the Over 50’s, over 60’s and even over 70’s teams in Sussex. It is an expanding network of older cricketers, like me, who are being coaxed back to this great game


  5. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 13, 2014 12:23 am

    Hi chaps been to my weekly Kempton pilgrimage so missed all the fun. Thanks for the kind comments and terrific standard again today-it’s a real treat to read the different limericks everyday. I agree with Howzaaat Helen we are all dying to know what you came up with !! Don’t be shy we are all broad minded…well apart from Betty !!


    • Helen Blackburn permalink
      February 13, 2014 1:22 am

      You are all sooo curious, but it’s not so much naughty as Witchy .. & I take a note out of your book Rev. We have to be kind 🙂 I am seeing that with you guys :):):) x


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