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Santa Claustrophobia

December 23, 2013

So we were in the Kings Arms yesterday lunchtime with 91-year-old Flight Lieutenant David Golding, DFC, AE, FCII, AMBII, RAF VT (retired) who on this occasion had eschewed his normal tipple of gin and tonic in favour of a now festive mulled wine. We spent some time discussing his many achievements both as a navigator and then in the world of insurance, which he inhabited after the war. Both careers were fraught with danger.

He was regaling the attendant masses with stories of his war-time heroics and his cricketing prowess, even producing some cricket averages (in which he headed the bowling averages and was second in the batting averages) from 1955. It was during this time that I asked if he had a card, so that I could acquaint him with this column, knowing that he would enjoy it just as much as the hundred of thousands of other readers. It was then that a chap called Rick said that it would have to be a very long card in order to accommodate all the letters after his name. His list of awards make him a walking scrabble set.

After doing some damage to the offering of cheese, cocktail sausages, pate and crackers lurking on the bar, a selection of which I felt able to test fully given my earlier 4 mile walk in atrocious conditions, together with some reasonably cooperative bathroom scales, we considered and then rejected the opportunity to pop into the White Hart for an afternoon cap.

young seagull picture

Seagull spotted on the way to the pub

Had we in fact not listened to reason and dropped in we may have encountered the Mighty Omega who is the proud owner of a vicious rabbit. We had been at lunch at hers a couple of weeks ago and I had forgotten about a meeting between two of the most dangerous claw welding creatures I have ever come across; That Nice Lady Decorator and the Mighty One’s giant pet rabbit. Suffice to say that one of them (and I am unable to confirm which) is booked in for a tetanus jab following their spat. I mention this because the incident was discussed in the pub the night before where she had intoned seriously that “he was not a happy bunny”.

Anyway she rabbited on about what to do with Claws as he has subsequently become known, at least to me. Releasing him into the wild was discussed but dismissed as too dangerous. Not to Claws you understand, and not just the rabbit population of Sussex, but to foxes, badgers and even wolves, lions and hyenas should he run into any. So much for a rabbit’s foot supposedly being a good luck charm. If you go Claws foot up your backside you would know about it.

So Christmas is nearly upon us but there are some Scrooge like souls who do not enjoy this time of year. In fact I have heard TV comedian Tim Vine describe that dislike as Santa Claustrophobia. Personally I love this time of year, once you strip out all that religious mumbo jumbo. In fact the only thing I have against it is that the offices of Currencies Direct are closed for two days, but thankfully most sensible far-sighted people, far-sighted enough to read this daily missive, with foreign exchange needs will have opened an account prior to this unfortunate closure.

With Sprog 2 arriving home from France this evening for a week long raid on my larder, pocket and wine cellar, we shall have a full family compliment over the festive season. Crash helmets and goggles on.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff. permalink
    December 23, 2013 3:32 pm

    At Christmas the mis-titled Claws,
    Feels the most maligned creature on paws,
    Issy might need a tetanus,
    But Claws is just let’n’us
    Know, he’s not Claws, he is Claus !!

    Like

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