The bible, a carpenter, Julie Andrews and football

At this time of year it is worth remembering that according to that work of fiction, the bible, Jesus’ father Joseph, was a carpenter, who reputedly had a big interest in and wanted to play football. His first big step forward was to make the bench. That reminds me of why in my teens I called my dog Carpenter. It was because he was always doing little jobs around the house.

I did manage to avoid Christmas shopping but was still dragged into helping transport most of the contents of many of the stores in Brighton from the train and into the car. To my mind, no two people, That Nice Lady Decorator and Sprog 2, could possibly have carried all that booty to the station. Anyway, phase one seems complete, but it seems that there is a plan similarly to denude the shops of Worthing in similar fashion in a day or so.

Astoundingly, after yesterdays shopping and That Nice Lady Decorator weakening whilst on that shopping expedition and slipping into a pub near the station for a pint, there was no further back sliding and the second back-to-back diet day was completed successfully. This is the direct contrast to England’s mission to beat Australia in the Ashes cricket campaign, which ended as expected in ignominious defeat, the first time in 7 years. Hopes had been high, expectations higher but in truth we look a spent force, with several internationally renowned players now fighting to maintain their careers. That defeat would to my mind have been another valid reason for a breakdown in beer resistance, but with the festering season nearly upon us and social occasions now festooning the diary, I will awake this morning with a smug sense of satisfaction that the two-day campaign was successfully negotiated, and a raging thirst. It will be partly slated in early evening as we travel to The Bridge at Amberley, weather permitting (and on current forecasts from the Reverend Jeff’s daughter, Holly Green one of the weather presenters on BBC South – – born out-of-wedlock I may add – that permission may be withdrawn). It seems that a winter storm may engulf us but it is our intention to partake of roasted chestnuts and Christmas carols at their traditional Xmas celebration. We might even see Mr John Otway for a spot of Christmas cheer as there is film business to be done on Otway The Movie, and he is also a customer of Currencies Direct. Thus the taking of beer will only be in order to help ensure the smooth functioning of the music and film business world I inhabit from time to time. I do hope we she sing the lyrics below to These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things.

The new alternative Julie Andrews version

Auntie Pam the former school teacher is also coming as she is our house guest for a few days, so it will be a varied and motley gathering, with an age range from 19 (Sprog 2) through 37 for That Nice Lady Decorator, on to myself in sight of his seventh decade, Mr Otway now firmly entrenched in his, and culminating with my dear Aunt who is 86 going on 40. She will be the last to leave and the last to retire to bed. She will be razor sharp in wit, fall upon bad English or grammar like a whirling dervish, but will take us out to dinner at The Bay Tree on Thursday evening, so she will be forgiven everything.  She is only for a few days after which I shall need a rest. There is still a lot of partying lined up and I need to pace myself.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News