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Billy Bunter or Penfold?

December 10, 2013

My red wine cellar may be about to receive a huge boost.  Someone in my household has decided to give it up. When one finds an opportunity to protect ones red wine stocks, one must hope that there will be no change of heart. I cannot reveal, for fear of physical assault, who in our family may be considering such a path, and if pressed will deny any knowledge or even suspicion that such a path might be contemplated, but if it were to happen, the potential effect on the preservation of my red wine stocks would be pronounced.

What is actually meant by “a period of time”? A matter of a few days will have little effect, but if it were, say. A year, then the impact would be significant. In summer, tastes tends to turn towards white wine, often a much cheaper option, but in the winter it tends to be red, and that affects my cellar, so any real reduction in its denudation would be welcome, if indeed anything that I have hinted at above, but not confirmed, came to pass.

Yesterday then, to an excellent lunch at the Swan in Chiddingfold with Mr Clipboard and his lovely wife Ashley. Bizarrely he has taken to wearing some new glasses which remind me of Billy Bunter, the unfortunate fat boy in those books he no doubt read at his school, Wellington, unless he is older than he claims and the books were inspired by him. His stature, appetite and popularity would make it easy to believe the latter. This is not to be confused with that other character with whom I associate him in Tom Browns Schooldays in which some poor “fag” was roasted over a fire and the like. If you have ever seen Mr Clipboard slave over a hot barbecue you would see that he is a natural.

He himself alluded to a character in popular TV cartoon character from the 70’s; Dangermouse. Penfold was a fat ugly short bespectacled character in this popular children’s animated series, but Mr Clipboard is far less attractive than him. He was however in good form and another amusing lunch transpired before heading back to Arundel, and a late pint of London Pride at The Swan.

topiary in arundel

That Nice Lady Decorator investigates a possible parsley sighting

After 4 lunches or luncheon events in the past 4 days, I am almost looking forward to a diet day today. The 5:2 diet has been at the heart of my transformation into whippet like slenderness, at least that is the impression I have gained in my own mind, but such an extended period of debauchery has inevitable taken its toll on my waistline and must be addressed before it gets out of hand, or more graphically, over belt. Thus I shall sit quietly in my office today diligently working on all the things I have neglected in the past week, especially spreading the word about the benefits of using Currencies Direct to effect payments and receive monies from abroad.

A period of relative calm is now on the horizon, with another diet day on Thursday and no social occasion crowding in on Wednesday at this stage, indeed I find that I must drive up close to London tomorrow to keep the wheels of the music industry turning, precluding lunch, but such a period of quiet reflection and recuperation is vital ahead of the No Parsley Club luncheon on Friday. It will take place at Butlers in Arundel and it seems there will be close to a dozen people making that vital stand against this insidious herb. I am told that there will be a receptacle in the centre of the table in which any bits of parsley that escape from the kitchen and inadvertently appear on any of our plates, can be summarily dismissed and hopefully torched. It such a useless adornment, a bit like garnish. In fact I think I will suggest a spin-off gathering; The No Garnish Club. Vegetarians wishing to join either should be closely vetted in both instances. One does not want any parsley or garnish being introduced by and salad eating fifth columnists.

Chris France

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff. permalink
    December 10, 2013 3:54 pm

    Why has parsley come in for a bashing ?
    It’s one of my favourites you’re trashing,
    You must know of course
    That fresh parsley sauce,
    On any white fish is just smashing !!

    Billy Bunter said ‘Crikey, oh lord !
    This insult will not be ignored!
    I’m gigantic it’s true,
    But Chris, even you
    Can’t compare me with Mr.Clipboard’ !!


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