Warningcamp; A warning?

So what does the word Warningcamp mean to you? Are there army warning connotations or do you think it could be construed as a caution against rampant homosexuality? Well, those that know this column or the writer well, or are aware of how much he scratches around for material on diet days, when nothing happens, will know which way this one is going. There was even a house of possible ill repute, if my interpretation is correct, which is featured as my photograph today.

Hmmm…

I had thought I was only on a diet-supporting brisk 5 mile jaunt around the picturesque Sussex countryside, on yet another dismal and dank November day, and perhaps I was, but there was the beginning of a nagging doubt. Now I don’t know why the expression nagging doubt puts me in the mind of a certain Wonderful Decorating Operative, and of course it does not. She never nags and has clearly no doubt about my determination to regain something of my youthful figure, but after two days on starvation rations and after marching around an area fraught with homosexual danger – if it’s name is anything to go by – I could feel my mind wandering. It was time to hang on to reality, achieved by focusing on the very real good service offered by Currencies Direct.

The village is inhabited by err…village people, as you might expect, but as far as I know there is no obvious connection to any pop group that may it may not have sung “YMCA”. There is however a youth hostel in the village but I don’t know where I am going with this except in the wrong direction, which after all could be a subjective description of a straight persons view of same sex relationships. Ok, I am rambling.

It is a most beautiful part of Sussex, off the beaten track (there I go again) so without beating about the bush, let me finish the cliches and turn to Christmas: advent calendars; have you noticed that when one door opens…

This morning, after the most enormous breakfast, unless my stomach has shrunk, we shall be preparing to board the train to London to commune with another pop group, this time Duran Duran. The plan is to check into the hotel and then find a pub selling proper beer. It is a good plan and one that I am looking forward to implementing later this afternoon. I was going to be filmed for a piece be by Nerd TV (I kid you not!) for a production looking at ex-pat lifestyles in the south of France, but this was mysteriously postponed after I sent then a copy of my latest book The Valbonne Monologues, which is either a coincidence, or more likely – having delved into its salacious contents – they have gone off to rewrite the programme in order to make my depiction of life down there the focal part of their offering. That is my opinion and nothing will change it.

I had not factored in that last night was the start of the second Ashes Cricket Test in Adelaide when I agreed to spent another day on 600 calories. Normal procedure on such denial days is to go to bed early as I have explained in recent days, however the start of a vitally important cricket match commencing at midnight robbed me of that refuge, allowing the symptoms of emaciation, so clearly in view my for anyone to see, to become exacerbated and make the evening a misery. As I write this, we have lost the toss, and it is going to be a long drawn out affair.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News