Press the red button for relief?

Last night was the big night for Children In Need, the very worthy kids charity driven by the BBC. I find that having spent much of last evening watching it, I have developed my own need. For the uninitiated, it is an evening of TV infested with performers, actors and comedians all doing their bit to raise money for this fantastic charity interspersed with various filmed items. These are all very informative but after a period of time become irksome. My need is that, I think having given generously to support their activities, there should be an optional interactive button to be able to turn off the ever-increasing stream of filmed pieces about ill people. I want a Parents In Need button on my remote. I have paid my money and now I want it to stop. That should give the limericists something to work with today!

The Norfolk estate, in Arundel Park on a sunny day in November

Earlier, after a quick spin around the park behind Arundel Castle, we had explored the region around Pagham Harbour, made to look almost acceptable in the unexpected winter sunshine. Once the sun has gone however, which will be soon, it will return to being a drab, inhospitable, mobile home and shingle infested wasteland. Chilled by the wind, we sought a pub and found a Fullers house, The Lamb, on the borders between Pagham and Nyetimber, the latter being renowned for the production of a sparkling wine said to rival Champagne. With the fire lit and a decent menu on show in a very comfortable pub we were almost sucked onto lunch, but as breakfast had been so late, we settled for a pint and headed back to Arundel. It was a close run thing.

Being a Friday afternoon, The White Hart was busy and so it seemed perfectly natural to pop in for a glass of wine ahead of Dunch, as I have just decided to call a meal taken between lunch and dinner. With no potential Currencies Direct clients in sight, too many white vans parked outside, it was not long before we headed back  next door for Pudsey Purgatory on TV. We did however get the chance to talk to the Mighty Omega, the tall and enchantingly gorgeous beau of James “Desperate Dan” the landlord, and to be invited to lunch at Shoreham On Sea one Sunday soon. This is an invitation that has been floating around for about a year, but has yet to land. I suspect that this could well be another aborted landing.

Escaping from any more children in need, I decided on an early night as I need to be looking my best when I impersonate James Bond this evening at The Kings Arms Bond theme night. I have made the mistake once of referring to That Nice Lady Decorator as Moneypenny, but do not want another slap so will watch my tongue from now on. There will also be no mention of Pussy Galore, another Bond character, because that also seems to elicit an angry response, for reasons I cannot fathom.

Then Sunday, we shall be heading for the smoke. A trip to London is planned to witness the first stand up comedy routine of Neil “I’m Free” Humphries at the Laughing Horse in Lancaster Gate. An early evening dinner is scheduled with Mr Clipboard, Slash and Burn Thornton Allan and there respective  and much prettier wives, so that we can plan a concerted campaign of heckling, just to help Mr Humphries along. I am sure he will appreciate the thought.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News