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Local bum causes a stir

October 16, 2013

There is a weird sub culture going on in the comments section of this column. Day after day some very talented people are spending time writing limericks and publishing them to ensure an enormous readership for their ditties. Do they not have jobs? Well, I know that in the case of the Reverend Jeff, he has being avoiding real work for over 40 years, but the rest of you, what is your excuse? I don’t even like poetry, so, apart from the obvious quality of the writing and the enormous readership, what can be the motive? I am prepared to wager that someone with limericise about this tomorrow.

My picture today was taken at one of the worlds greatest sites. This however is a different kind of sight, a sight for sore eyes. It was overlooking Herculaneum in Italy a few weeks ago, and I swear I heard her say something about “does my bum look big in this?” It certainly did dear, in fact that bum would look big in anything. I am myself a lover of curves, but this is a bit of a curve ball, as they probably never say in the States.

herculaneum

An old relic paints an old relic

Clearing the house, as we are at present ready for the expedition north back to England, one finds many things one has lost during the summer. Sometimes you may not want to find things and, yesterday for example, it was the discovery as to where that half packet of chocolate truffles had gone that I lost last year. I do not recall putting them in the drawer of my desk, and at first I did not recognise the concealed mess into which they had turned after a hot summer, but at least it was a mystery solved. I did find some things I wanted as well, such as some rather nice Currencies Direct literature and mouse mats, for those of you who have well trained mice.

So yes, cleaning and hoovering have been ongoing and will continue so to be for the rest of the week, which is why I have to go to the UK tomorrow. I have told That Nice Lady Decorator that I am mortified that I could not stay and help, but my presence is required for far more intellectually stimulating purpose, namely the march forward of the international music industry. I tried to plead “preparation time” yesterday afternoon and had got away with it until she came into the lounge unexpectedly as I was watching TV. She did not believe my protestation that it was part of my research. Perhaps it would have been more convincing if I had been tuned into a music channel rather than watching cricket.

So an early night before a ridiculously early start this morning, which is why this column posted so early, and by the time most of you are reading this, I shall be in Seat 1A on the Easyjet Dreamstealer to Gatwick. I can almost taste that first pint of London Pride that I have promised myself for being a good boy, not drinking too much the night before, and getting up whilst it is still dark. I think I deserve a medal.

It is a short trip, I shall be back in the bosom of Valbonne by tomorrow night, all things being equal, ready for a final jaunt on to the tennis courts at the Vignale on Friday morning. There has been some comment inferring that the reporting of last weeks tennis match may have been a little partisan, but nothing could be further from the truth. In fact the reporting was very partisan and always will be while I am in charge. It is what my readers expect. If you want fair and balanced, find a blonde women tight rope walker.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. Betty Boop permalink
    October 16, 2013 8:51 am

    “I don’t even like poetry, so, apart from the obvious quality of the writing and the enormous readership, what can be the motive?”

    May I quote from your blog of 21st September 2013 :-

    “Lunch was a great success, filled with laughter, anecdotes and, for reasons I never understood, limericks. Having some Irish blood in me, I have always been well disposed towards Limerick humour and I wish I could remember the best of them, but that is age and drink for you.”

    THERE — YOU asked for it, as one might say !

    No, the motive really, as I think I may have said before, is just to have a little fun with you — a somewhat natural response to your having first said that you were “well disposed toward Limerick humour”. Now you say you don’t like it ! Or don’t you remember what you like and what you don’t ?

    I think you’ll find that your 21st September blog is where it all started !

    Like

    • October 16, 2013 11:00 am

      Bang to rights! Yes I do like the occasional limerick and have enjoyed many of them that have been posted her and am flattered, but poetry in general leaves me cold. I hope you realise that my tongue is often firmly in my cheek, trying to get a reaction…

      http://www.valbonnenews.com

      >

      Like

  2. Winnie l'Ourson permalink
    October 16, 2013 9:04 am

    Don’t be so sceptical, Chris ! The limericks produced here are very entertaining, even if they’re not all brilliantly written and if you disparage them so, you’ll only end up repulsing the writers (your “fans”) and that’d be a great shame and a real loss to your otherwise rather solecistic daily ramblings !

    Like

    • October 16, 2013 11:00 am

      I am suitably admonished. I shall disparage no more, until I forget…

      http://www.valbonnenews.com

      >

      Like

  3. Rev. Jeff permalink
    October 16, 2013 12:02 pm

    Fair’s fair chaps and chapettes Chris only said he liked ‘limerick’ humour because he couldn’t spell lavatory !!

    I like to think we grace the blag with our literary input for the same reason the wonderful Malcolm Muggeridge claimed he wrote for the daily press. I almost quote , ‘It’s like playing classical music on a piano in a brothel; it brings some light into otherwise benighted lives’. Actually that’s not even close to the quote but you get the idea ! And of course I’m not casting any aspersions on the moral rectitude of the readers of this daily entertainment. I’m sure they are all as erect as the next man.

    Betty and Winnie are mad !
    You’ve quite hurt their feelings you cad !
    Young Patrick will fume
    And then I assume
    Howzaaat will ‘have at you’ by Gad !!

    Like

    • Patrick permalink
      October 16, 2013 12:07 pm

      Masterful — quite masterful ! Clearly the extra 3 minutes you allowed yourself paid dividends this time ! Nice one, Rev…

      Like

  4. October 16, 2013 12:29 pm

    Yes, Betty’s mad, but I don’t think irate;
    Likewise Winnie’s in a quite placid state.
    No, the fact of the matter,
    They’re both mad as a hatter –
    Lack of wits is their dominant trait !

    Like

  5. Betty Boop permalink
    October 16, 2013 1:14 pm

    HUH ! — Lack of wits, eh, howzaaat ? Try this for size :-

    Here’s one good reason why Chris SHOULD like limericks :

    One side-effect these limericks suffuse :
    They can help with your alcohol blues.
    As you read them en bloc,
    They deliver a shock,
    Which can build an aversion to booze.

    Like

    • October 16, 2013 4:02 pm

      Very good!

      http://www.valbonnenews.com

      >

      Like

  6. Winnie l'Ourson permalink
    October 16, 2013 3:20 pm

    All these clever limericks ! Good grief !
    They’re so comical, cheerful and brief.
    Chris has an abhorrence
    For rhyming, he warrants :
    Might some pop music give him relief ?

    Like

    • October 16, 2013 4:00 pm

      Another excellent effort!

      http://www.valbonnenews.com

      >

      Like

  7. Rev. Jeff permalink
    October 16, 2013 3:57 pm

    Come on Winnie let’s not even contemplate what might give Chris relief. That’s one alley we’re all very reluctant to explore !!

    Like

    • October 16, 2013 4:01 pm

      Are you suggesting a few days off from That Nice Lady Decorator?

      http://www.valbonnenews.com

      >

      Like

    • Winnie l'Ourson permalink
      October 16, 2013 4:03 pm

      I’m sure I can’t imagine WHAT you mean, Sir !

      Like

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