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Billy brown tail alert

September 30, 2013

My determination not to have a drink yesterday was utterly unshakable. With a three and a half month party, culminating in a wonderful cruise along the Italian coast, coming to an end after today, it was clear to me that after a lot of clear blue water last week, there needed to be some clear blue water between the summer of fun and the winter of discontent which lies ahead. It will only be discontent because, when I am based in the UK, there are fewer opportunities for me to sign up new customers for Currencies Direct, which, after all, is the main reason I write this daily missive.

Anyway, I digress. As I say the teetotal tendency was an unshakeable imperative. There was nothing of which I could conceive that would break that iron will to remain in its grip. A light and healthy salad for lunch after a brisk walk and I had settled down to a glass of pineapple juice to watch the last of the violent thunderstorm, that also seemed to underline the fact that summer is coming to an end.

Then, just as that storm was abating, the skies darkened again, but this time it was Slash And Burn Thornton Allan, hot foot from the Monaco Yacht Show where he had just dismantled the Blue Water Yachting stand, thirsty and vibrant. He found a bottle of wine in the kitchen and filled himself a generous glass of a very nice Cru Bourgeois Medoc. Still my implacable determination remained intact. It was when he spotted the pineapple juice that he became truly animated. “How can I sit her and drink alone?” he said and that was when I realised that I was being inhospitable and selfish, and the dam was breached.

One thing led to another, then the sun came out both metaphorically and physically and before I could fully comprehend what was happening we were in the pav enjoying a splendid convivial Sunday afternoon, together with more, considerably more of that Medoc.


The pav in Autumn sunshine taken by Slash And Burn Thornton Allan

I suppose that it was inevitable as he had not eaten, and I was ravenous after rabbit food for lunch, that we would end up at the Cafe Des Arcades in Valbonne for an early dinner. This was just what I needed (not) the day before the Bistro Rally which takes place today, and for which we are instructed to be on Port de la Rague in Mandelieu by 10am.

The Bistro Rally is a (dis) organised annual sailing boat race from the Port to the Iles Des Lerins, about 3 miles off the coast of Cannes. It has been won for the last 9 years by the Master Mariner Mundell at the helm of L’Exocet and he intends to win again today, There is, however, a fundamental change this year in that he has relented and allowed girls on his boat, a previously inconceivable concept, but perhaps time is at last catching up with him and he is mellowing, or more likely, he wants someone to be serving the drinks.

So instead of being bright eyed and busy tailed this morning and ready for the bully off or whatever they call it, I am red eyed and suffering from billy brown tail, as an old pal once described the symptoms, which I do not plan to go into in this daily column. However, the more astute amongst you may be able to guess. The Master is hoping for some wind this morning, I am hoping for no wind at all if you get my drift. Actually drifting is just what I need.

Chris France

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    September 30, 2013 11:36 am

    A one minute limerick as I’m rushing out….

    His tail was a mess, brown and bushy,
    His guts somewhat queasy and mushy
    He got on the yacht
    And threw up the lot
    So his life isn’t always so cushy….!!


  2. September 30, 2013 12:22 pm

    Great limerick Rev. On virtually the same theme (our minds must be “running” on similar tramlines !) here’s my message to Chris :

    When you find you break wind quite a lot,
    There’s a great “man’s best friend” that you’ve got:
    You can now show no shame
    As Banjo gets the blame;
    Every fart comes from him – true or not !


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