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Burger at Arundel Castle

June 14, 2013

Fortune favours the brave and braving the occasional drizzle and gale force winds to go to Arundel Castle to witness some cricket eventually produced the deserved rewards. In a scene a little like my life in general, after a poor start, conditions gradually improved to the point where the experience was rewarding, and I must say that, as a cricket fan, it was a big treat to be able to walk from my house to a beautiful cricket ground and see some world-class players in action. England players Matt Prior, and Chris Tremlett were batting and bowling respectively and today there is the tantalising prospect of seeing the great Australian, Ricky Ponting bat, as he has a two month contract with Surrey, the opponents of Sussex, Arundel being one of their home grounds.

A gradually improving weather scene at Arundel Castle

A gradually improving weather scene at Arundel Castle

So far I have not managed to penetrate that sub strata of culture high up enough in the social food chain to be able to appreciate the benefits of having an account with Currencies Direct, but I live in hope, which is exactly why I may have to return today, again, weather permitting. Currencies Direct customers are, by definition, a canny lot so I doubt they would attend in inclement weather. This time, I shall be taking sandwiches because the food options were so desperately poor. The choice was between some curly sandwiches, which, as play had been abandoned because of the poor weather on the first day, had probably been incubated overnight ready for sale today, and burgers and hot dogs. Thus lunch yesterday consisted of a bacon cheeseburger and chips. I am ashamed.

I had gone to the cricket with James, Desperate Dan the Landlord of the White Hart and, whilst I had paid £500 to become a life member of The Friends Of Arundel Castle Cricket Club, he did not and managed to gain entry, I think, by allowing the gatemen to believe he was my batman. I had dressed properly for the occasion with my lizard shoes, some smart chinos, shirt (with a collar) and Panama Hat, and had waxed the moustache to the highest calibre of handlebar, and had fooled myself, at least, that I was looking every inch the affable eccentric English Gentleman, Desperate had not, and looked every inch my surf. I had at least managed to intercept the scruffy purple shorts he had intended to wear, but with a square jaw like that, his size and that stubble it will always be difficult to disguise him as a gentleman.

Returning at the end of play at around 7pm, I discovered a Decorating operative, covered in paint, anxious to be taken for a pint, and after a couple at The Swan Hotel, almost inevitably, we ended up for a bite to eat at Boco Nuevo. A little later, flame haired temptress, Carolyn arrived with her young “nephew” as I think she likes to refer to him. That Nice Lady Decorator told the story about how she was banned from Morrison’s, the Irish bar in Cannes, which seems on the face of it to be an almost impossible feat, but Carolyn was able to trump this be revealing that she has been banned from Homebase. This is all the more astonishing as, presumably, alcohol would not usually be involved in a visit to a do it yourself store. It seems there was some problem with a bath panel, a delivery driver, swearing, and sufficient “misunderstanding” that not only did she never get her bath panel, she was told never to darken their doors again. Whilst I was furiously writing notes about all this in the pub, she then told me that if I were to use this information in this column, I was not “to elaborate, exaggerate or conjugate” the information. Hmmmm.

Chris France


5 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    June 14, 2013 11:18 am

    ‘…looked every inch my surf……

    Why, was he sporting a blow wave…..?

    Well I must be clairvoyant as my latest poem which first saw the light of day in this august blag yesterday has today been published in the Daily Mail. Readership just over 20 million…..You saw it first here folks……


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    June 14, 2013 11:42 am

    Well as long as you tell him you meant serf.

    Thought England bowled badly yesterday. I’ve said for a long time that our bowlers only bowl well in helpful conditions and are very ordinary on a flat pitch-particularly Broad who all too often fails to pitch the ball up. Sri Lanka were impressive though.

    Enjoy the cricket and hope Surrey win. Great to get the chance to see Ponting bat.


  3. Rev. Jeff permalink
    June 14, 2013 12:36 pm

    Yes you’re right about Sangakarra. Happy to see Ponting flourish when he’s on my side.


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