Corduroy pillows create headlines

Well it appears that my joke about the Pope being a Bishop in yesterday’s column was wide of the mark. Resident god botherer and custodian of all things religious in this column, the Reverend Jeff, points out that the Pope is in fact also the Bishop of Rome.

Talking of religious zeal, I have today dedicated myself to the care of my body after a telling nine day festival of fun, drinking and eating. A mere 600 calories, enough to keep an average sized mouse alive, was my entire intake, and coupled with a couple of stiff walks and even a bit of cycling, has enabled me to wake up this morning feeling very pleased with myself, and looking forward to a reward in the form of a drink this evening, but now I must get that cooked breakfast on board and safely stowed.

I was thinking yesterday about what makes good head line and I think corduroy pillow cases would do the trick. It seems headlines are what grab the attention of the casual reader and I have always attempted to inject humour into these where ever possible. Many days I fail, but I have my own benchmark; if I think it is funny, then its funny. That is an end to it.

The cycling was to the doctors surgery to submit my request for a repeat prescription, (3 days before I can collect it, ridiculous – in France it would be on demand) and once again I was struck by the lack of consideration for others exhibited by people working in the pharmacy. Whilst I waited, I had no choice but to overhear a pharmacist explain in loud and graphic detail exactly how an old lady, ahead of me in the queue, would get the best results from using the enema she had just purchased. Then it was the turn of a poor chap to suffer much the same indignity, to the extent that I know now that he has a nasty case of athletes foot, some warts in a rather embarrassing region and an infestation of verrucas. In the circumstances, when it came to my turn, I did not mention my desire for a penis reduction, but was sorely tempted (actually can I say that in this context?).

A day in the office was my reward. Yes, reward. It is so satisfying when one can sign someone up for an account with Currencies Direct, and then witness the tears of joy that tumble down their faces once they realise how much they have saved on their foreign exchange transactions.

There was more. There are exciting opportunities developing for NME rap label of the year 1988 and 1989, Music Of Life, which is owned by a certain successful author often feted in this column, and indeed it looks like once again the label will shortly be standing tall in the world of hip hop. This has very little to do with any direct input from myself, more it is down to my ability to delegate all the work to a younger, far more worthy operative.

Arundel is famed for having one of the prettiest cricket grounds in the country. Situated on the grounds of the castle and owned therefore by the Duke Of Norfolk, I was disappointed to have missed Australia A team play there last week whilst we were in Cornwall, but I have discovered that there will be a 4 day first class county match between Sussex and Surrey starting on Wednesday, and I feel that not to attend would have been another missed opportunity. I hate missing opportunities, so, weather permitting (and it may not permit), I intend to be there on at least one of those days.

Chris France