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Tahiti Beach clothes swap shocker

May 21, 2013

It was when I saw a wild boar on Pamplone beach at St Tropez as we sailed into the bay, that I realised that the whole day was going to be special. 11 of us were aboard L’Exocet, the wonderful sailing boat owned by The Master Mariner Mundane (formerly known as Mundell, but renamed yesterday by Dangerous Jackie Lawless), getting ready to anchor when the impertinent pig decided to have a nose around on the sand as we waited for the tender to take us to our luncheon appointment at Tahiti Beach. The weather was sunny and with a force 4 wind, it was a great sail, sometimes with the boat tilted by as much as 60 degrees. This was too much for the lovely Poly Bufton, who spent a lot of the time hanging on to a table leg and shivering in fear.

Before we had set off, we had laid in about 30 litres of wine, (that should not be taken literally, well, not until on the way back anyway) but that stock had been substantially reduced by the time we reached our destination at around 3pm. and met up with Mr Clipboard and the lovely Ashley, making it a very lucky 13 for lunch. The dancing on the tables had not started but That Nice Lady Decorator soon put paid that as soon as lunch was finished. She has form when it comes to table dancing, having been recently been banned from Morrison’s in Cannes for just that heinous act. How can you get barred from an Irish pub?). A short mention for lunch where the fillet de boeuf was one of the very best steaks I have ever been served.

It got worse a little later when, after a very large “sex on the beach”group coctail with a dozen straws had been heartily consumed by the party, for some reason unknown to science, Peachy Butterfield decided that he should swap tops with the birthday Decorator. It is my picture today, so please look away now if you’re squeamish or about to eat.

Peachy Butterfield in clothes swap,

Tahiti Beach shenanigans, I think it is a size too small…

It was another very special day, and later I was told gratefully by That Nice Lady Decorator that she thought it was the best birthday she had ever had. So, after a splendidly debauched and ridiculously expensive lunch, which came in at over 1500 euros (over £1200 at today’s Currencies Direct exchange rates) for the lucky 13 revellers celebrating her birthday, we sailed benignly back to Port de la Rague.

With the wind from behind (where have I heard that expression before?) we were making 8 knots, which is quite impressive for a sailing boat, but leaving as the sun went down, we did not get back into port until late in the evening. On the way back the birthday girl took to a little more pole dancing, using the mast of the boat as a prop, but pictures of that may have to wait until I have sought, and been granted, or denied, permission for their publication.

So that is it, a fabulously entertaining few day in the south of France is over and the reality that is life in England will seem a little tame by comparison, but doubtless a few beers and a curry this evening within Sprog 1, who is visiting for food parcels and the like, will be just as enjoyable in its own way..

Then, it is all go, as I have business to do up north, and That Nice Lady Decorator has arranged to accompany me, and to supervise a dinner for some northern folk, including the family of plastic surgeon, Douglas “Mac the Knife” McGeorge” and the awesome Alex Smeaton, home help husband Andrew, and a few others, where I am expecting to eat road kill and whippet surprise. I wonder what element will be in the surprise?

Chris France

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