Rotarian going around in circles

I had a friend who was once a member of the Rotary Club, but he decided to leave as he felt he was going around in circles.  He was a bit of a shark. OK, cold turkey has cut in and I am not myself, I am someone else, someone not very funny, boring, quiet and hungry. The 600 calorie a day diet is in full effect as I start to write this column. Damn, I just mentioned turkey and I could murder a turkey twizzler right now. Actually, what exactly is a turkey twizzler and can you be arrested for it? Would a good defence be that the turkey may actually enjoy being twizzled? Perhaps the gay chicken farmer friend of Peachy Butterfield, “Oven Ready Eddy” as I think he calls him, would be able to help?

Anyway, I digress,  It was inevitable, after the last few days of social mayhem, eating, drinking, socialising, winning the Grand National and entertaining, that the Monday morning blues would be very pronounced this morning. It is when one is feeling a little below par that small irritations tend to get over inflated. Barclay’s Bank told me I had to collect a certain form that I need for the next part of my strategy to take over the music business world again, from a local Branch. The Branch told me to call telephone banking, Telephone banking told me to call the Branch, and my rotarian nightmare came alive. then I remebered I need a haircut, walked into town and both of the barbers were closed Monday . You would think that they may collude so that one is open on a Monday, but no, they clearly did not, perhaps I am splitting hairs. Then, I went to Arundel Surgery for a prescription I need today and was told it will take 3 days to prepare. as I say, Monday.

Any fires this was sent to fight would have to be slow burners

My picture today was taken last year when we had just moved to Arundel and we went to the nearby Goodwood Revival Festival. Based on how slow Bluebell, our camper van is at getting from 0-30, one doubling as a fire truck seems a little optimistic, unless the fireman don’t want to arrive until the fire is out?

Slow is the theme today but I shall not allow the shadow of last weekend get me down (actually, with this diet, I don’t think I could even make a shadow) and will bounce back. No drinks last night is the first part of the recovery process but by the time you read this I will be tucking into a hearty English breakfast. I wonder why they call it hearty, perhaps it is because black pudding, bacon and sasuages helps to cause heart attacks? Anyway, assuming I make it to Friday, I shall be raring to go and up for a 50th birthday party down in the south of France this coming weekend. Of course I shall be on the look out for customers of Currencies Direct and what better place than a fab villa at Chateauneuf De Grasse in the company of the wonderful Lucy Bird, long time partner of Wayne Brown, both from Red Radish catering. I wonder if she is preparing her own food for this significant party?  Actually Wayne made a tasteless but very funny observation last night about the passing of Maggie Thathcer. The gist of it was that she had abused more minors than Jimmy Savile, but it is fair to say that it was couched in slightly more colourful language.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News