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Gathering of the great and good?

March 28, 2013

It was as we were driving up to the South Downs for our daily walking torture yesterday that I spotted the sign which is depicted in today’s photograph. I think it follows on neatly from my comments yesterday about the Church muscling in on ordinary people’s enjoyment of the festival of the Easter egg. Obviously, the clergy, stung by this criticism, aimed at them in this column, decided to meet in Arundel Castle in order to debate how to deal with me. Public flogging, thrashing, birching and excommunication (that is when the church has your Internet connection suspended) are I am sure were the penalties that are in their remit to hand down. I am just glad it did not go to penalties themselves because we are crap at them.

clergy parking sign


So, clergy parking? Does this imply that they cannot walk themselves? Do they have to be parked? What happens once they are parked? Can they move? Can the public not park there? What is so special about the clergy? Obviously they get special access to children, purely for pastoral reasons, but why must they have their own car park? Surely they could all park at popular “meeting place” Houghton View and enjoy the local scenery? I think this should elicit some response from the Reverend Jeff, surely?

Having been invited to the newly refurbished Black Rabbit for a free dinner that still cost £110 for drinks, a special try-out evening to test the new facilities and to help with staff training, we missed the real excitement of the night; a chimney fire at The White Hart next door to our house. We received a text mid evening from Terribly Tall Timothy Taylor, the manager, warning us that the pub had been evacuated due to this fire and that the fire brigade were in attendance. Thus we were in no rush to depart the Black Rabbit, and despite being amongst the first to arrive, we were amongst the last to leave.

I love The Black Rabbit as a building and its position beside the River Arun with views down to the castle, and the staff are wonderful but they needed that work out last night to help get all their new personnel trained up. Still the wine list is a bit too slanted towards the largely inferior new world wines, and still there is the lack of a selection of decent French reds, but I was able to berate one of the directors about this as he unwisely sat beside me and asked my opinion.

So today is our last full day in civilisation as we are heading north to Yorkshire tomorrow. Gloom fills my world as this morning looks brighter that it has been for weeks, and where are we headed? Into the eternal twilight. Sure, the people can be charming, although most lack the social skills that are omnipresent in the south, and certainly the wild tundra strewn wildernesses north of Birmingham have a rustic charm about them in the two months of the year when it is light, but three days will be enough for the onset of seasonal affected syndrome. Then there is the food. If they are running short of peat for their fires, I am expecting carpaccio of whippet. And why do they have to be so hard on garden peas? They are a delight when served in the south with a sprig of mint, how and why do they turn them into mushy peas so beloved by the local peasantry? I shall as always be seeking answers to these and other questions without much hope of receiving a satisfactory answer, perhaps because I can only understand one word in three.

Nearly did not have room to mention that I will not be taking any Currencies Direct brochures with me for obvious reasons.

Chris France

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    March 28, 2013 4:53 pm

    ‘Public flogging, thrashing, birching and excommunication’…..

    I do wish you would keep your pervy dreams to yourself………


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