Black Rabbit meets Harry Potter

Sunshine at last! The first time in about 3 weeks sent us down to the beach at Rustington to bask. Well, perhaps that is a bit of an exaggeration, wrapped as we were in swathes of clothing, jackets, hats and gloves, but who am I to complain? 20 minutes later it was snowing.

Last night then to The White Hart to be nosey about their chimney fire and to meet up with the lovely Kathryn, whom I have been forbidden to call the Wyatt Earp of Arundel ever again. It coincided with a diet day so I had to save up enough calories from the 600 allowance to enable me to have a couple of pints of Harvey’s, but as these are some 170 calories each, you can see my problem. 260 calories for the day. Thus after my second pint, I adjourned to contemplate my navel, now close to being counter sunk, leaving that Nice Lady Decorator in the pub, having reached my dietary limit.

That was not a problem on Wednesday evening when we were guests of The Black Rabbit. I am told that fish and chips, which was my particular choice, can amount to over 1200 calories when served at a London pub at which Sprog 2 works. That is twice the daily limit for the silly diet upon which I find myself. I am also told that one of the downsides is that you can get bloody irritable when you are hungry and I think I am ready to kill someone. One of the features of the newly refurbished pub is the addition of one of the boats used in the first Harry Potter film, which for some strange reason has been attached to the wall, as my picture today shows.

One of the Harry Potter boats

Today will feature a trip to the twilight world of Yorkshire. We are due in a small backward outpost called Leeds this evening. It is so backward that they cannot even spell the word for a dog restraint properly. We have decided to take the skip, the 4 x 4 owned by that Nice Lady Decorator as it was decided that to risk the Merc up north was asking for trouble.

We are due at a book reading by one of popular group The Pogues, with whom the decorating one went to school, which is Gaelic and short for Pogue Mahone, which is allegedly the Gaelic for “kiss my arse”. I was initially dismissive of the whole idea but then it occurred to me that I should perhaps consider the same sort of promotion for my new book the Valbonne Monologues. Kiss me arse indeed. I cannot wait to tell the Wingco about that idea. Late in the evening last night I discovered that my feature was published in Nice Matin yesterday. As I speak I am trying to find more details to relay to you, my adoring public.

After this literary treat this evening up north it seems that we are eating out, and staying with the The voluptuous Rachel Surtees, aka Lady In Waiting for reasons of which regular readers will be aware. I shall be telling her that it is inevitable, not to fight if, but embrace it, literally. I do not expect her to understand but fate is fate, it cannot be denied.

Thereafter, we will be eating and drinking all weekend, which is one of the reasons the diet was in place yesterday. I must be strong as there is certain to be some “ethnic” food on offer. Whether there will be pigeons involved is a matter of guess-work but I am expecting to see feathers all over the place, unless they have been “couped up”, if you get my drift. I hope you note that I have not drifted into promotion of Currecies Direct. No point for those chaps up north with bugger all money.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News