Downs syndrome no joke

I am losing so much weight on this starvation diet that I may have to make some adjustments to my clothing. Perhaps I am becoming a but like Elton John, saying goodbye to normal jeans.

It was a long day spent dreaming about food and drink and I crawled into bed last night in a seriously weakened state after another period of self-inflicted starvation. Even the pen I held in my hand, used to make notes to help potential customers of Currencies Direct, became heavy and I have been having hallucinations. I even thought that we had a sunny day and I wore shorts a couple of days ago, so clearly deluded.

Today there will be some respite from the privations of no food as I am going over to somewhere near Lewis to play with some master tapes. It seems that a number of early Music of Life (the record company I co-founded in 1986) recordings have been unearthed in a store there, so I shall be donning my oldest and scruffiest clothing and spending the day in a smelly barn, so life does not get any better.

Tonight also offers some relief as we are due to join some old friends to celebrate the return of one of their sons from abroad. Personally I see this as a misnomer. If they were celebrating his departure that would seem to be a worthy excuse for dinner and a few drinks, but frankly I will eat and drink with anyone at any time and on any pretext, especially as I believe we shall be dining out at the excellent Bay Tree in the centre if Arundel if it is not fully booked.

The promised rain failed to materialise yesterday morning so we walked more of the South Downs from where I took this picture. It smacks of Downs Syndrome (groan). It is a willow tree with a hole right through it which appeared, apart from the bit that is missing, to be in good health. It too has been on a bit of a diet as it has also lost a bit if its middle. Now there must be a cricketing joke here somewhere, something along the lines of the bat (traditionally made out of willow) not having a middle. Probably only one of my readers, the regular commenter and cricket umpire Howzat, will understand that one.

Wholly willow?

Talking of cricket, I see the first Test Match between England and New Zealand failed to start today as scheduled in Dunedin due to that very English affliction, rain.

I hear from old pal John Otway who now has nearly 80 people signed up for the trip to Cannes in May for the Film Festival launch of his Otway For An Oscar campaign. This is going to be one of the highlights of the year, another of which will be the publication of my new book The Valbonne Monologues. There is a small issue though, I do not yet have any books. The printers are now saying they should be delivered this Friday but as this is the second time delivery has been delayed, I am starting to get a bit twitchy. Obviously I have err… booked a launch date of next Friday and leave next Thursday to fly to France, so although not critical yet, another delay and I will be throwing the book at them. I think you could say that this would be a novel punishment, they could be authors of their own demise. OK that is enough book jokes for today. At least my pull-up banner, designed by Slash and Burn Thornton Allan should be here this morning, so there is a good chance that it will be the photographic feature in tomorrow’s column.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News