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Mobility scooter and old codger in love child shock

February 27, 2013

I was asked yesterday in the comments section why I would bother with a fad diet. One reason is, of course,  that I do not want to be really fat and the other is that had I refused to involve myself in this ridiculous charade I was in danger of getting a fat lip from that Nice Lady Decorator.

600 calories again yesterday and by afternoon I did not even have the energy to whimper. After a morning walk we headed into L. A. or Littlehampton is it is known by the locals. This town must have the highest concentration of mobility scooters in the world and, given my starved state, I began to lust after one.  I wonder what is the number for nought to sixty (feet per minute)?  Actually Top Gear presenters would have a field day there. With So many caravan parks and codgers driving at 20 miles an hour it would be like letting a hungry fox loose amongst the chickens. If the local inhabitants knew the kind of thing Jeremy Clarkson got up to with caravans, I reckon there would be a blood bath. Hells Grannies, invented by the Monty Python team could well become a reality if BBC 2 were ever to make it into downtown L A.

Some other well-intentioned comments yesterday suggested days on end of alcohol abstention, but having been a seasoned drinker throughout my life, and in my 60th year, I am in the camp that agrees that a sudden starving of ones liver of alcohol is absurdly dangerous, and this is someone who has just had all his health checks and balances in the last few weeks and whose liver function was described as normal. I think I have a few readers who are exhibiting signs of allowing themselves to be embraced by the nanny state. In fact I think I need something to top up my alcohol stream. I am also very suspicious of silly diets and when I heard last evening from a seasoned nutritionist, whom that Nice Lady Decorator respects, that this diet would lose at best 1 pound a week, a secret smile crossed my face.

Today will be a merciful release from dietry hell. Lunch beckons at the George and Dragon at Houghton, preceded by a pint of London Pride at the Kings Arms. The second outing of the Arundel Luncheon Club will take place with me on the look out for more potential customers for Currencies Direct.

Today’s picture is one of some French modern “art” which I love so much as it gives me an opportunity to expose the stupidity of the modern art world. I found it in a shop front in Beaune. What a waste of time and money. The emperors new clothes. Until enough normal people stand up and say this is crap, dodgy artists will continue to pull the wool over the eyes of bleeding heart liberals and those so lost in their own mysticism that they want to reinterpret everything they see, or look for meaning where there is none.

crap modern art

Encapsulating the symbiotic brotherhood between man and machine, A mobility scooter and a crusty combine…blah blah blah…

OK, as a contributor to the comments section said yesterday “sermon over”.  It must be the diet eating into my normal upbeat character. There I go again talking about eating.

I have yet to hear from Dancing Greg Harris about sponsorship of the upcoming launch next month of The Valbonne Monologues. He is playing a very dangerous game in not responding to my perfectly reasonable requests for his help and support. However, it maybe that he is away on holiday or the like, so at the moment he has the benefit of the doubt but it is hanging by a thread.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. Patrick permalink
    February 27, 2013 9:04 am

    “… the stupidity of the modern art world. I found it in a shop front in Beaune. What a waste of time and money. The emperors new clothes. Until enough normal people stand up and say this is crap, dodgy artists will continue to pull the wool over the eyes of bleeding heart liberals and those so lost in their own mysticism that they want to reinterpret everything they see, or look for meaning where there is none.”

    Could NOT agree with you more, Old Bean — Bang On !! Trouble is the message will never get through: at best one would be yelling it into stone-deaf ears ! But you’re SO right — art in France has taken a distinctly weird turn — as it may have in other parts of the world too, I’m sure, but I can only speak from my experience of art in France.

    Like

    • February 27, 2013 9:35 am

      I knew I would have some enlightened readers on this column. Bravo. I am thinking of starting a Facebook page, All Modern Art Is Crap, and seeing what happens….

      Like

      • Winnie l'Ourson permalink
        February 27, 2013 11:50 am

        Zut alors ! Are you not being very unkind about our creativity ? Surely, anything goes in Art, no ? Anyway, I don’t think it’s particularly a French thing — other countries are weird too you know !!

        Like

  2. howzaaat permalink
    February 27, 2013 9:09 am

    “… and old codger in love child shock.”

    Sorry, but I can’t find the link between the above part of your heading and the text. Have I missed something ?

    Like

  3. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 27, 2013 11:46 am

    Of course you are all correct that much of modern art is no more than a con employed to empty the wallets of mug punters and those too afraid to point out the nakedness of the king. However Mr. France, having had the pleasure of knowing you for a lifetime, I can’t help thinking that had you got involved in the art instead of the pop world you would have spent a lifetime extolling it’s virtues, raking in the cash,and calling it ‘nice work if you can get it’ !! After all aren’t you the man who has fleeced a whole generation of mugs on the back of that great con of the music world ‘Hip Hop’?!!

    Like

    • howzaaat permalink
      February 27, 2013 11:54 am

      Great point, Rev — touché, Chris ! 😉

      Like

    • February 27, 2013 3:29 pm

      Hip hop is if course an artform that has passed you by and I can confidently predict that you have not made any money from it, whereas I have.

      I suspect that I have also you have made no more money from poetry than have I, in fact I have made more money out if everything than you have, and although not the entire raisin d’être, it does help the world revolve in a more satisfying way.

      However I value your input into this column, if only for my own amusement

      http://www.valbonnenews.com

      Like

      • howzaaat permalink
        February 27, 2013 5:34 pm

        “I have made more money out if everything than you…”

        But the question is, Chris, are you any happier — it doesn’t sound like it !

        Yes, the extent to which we make money is (sadly) one of the accepted measures of success in life, especially if money is what you want, since the meaning of “success” is getting what you want. However, HAPPINESS is wanting what you get !!

        Like

      • February 27, 2013 7:49 pm

        As a poor boy made good, I can tell you that money makes me happy, but only because it gives one freedom and opportunity

        http://www.valbonnenews.com

        Like

      • February 27, 2013 8:43 pm

        I am happy! Very happy, I have had a great life! I love my life as it is, although the weather here does get to me, I am still in good health, have great friends, a lovely wife and thoroughly enjoy what I do, including trying to be controversial in this blog!)

        Like

  4. howzaaat permalink
    February 27, 2013 12:51 pm

    “Some other well-intentioned comments yesterday suggested days on end of alcohol abstention, but having been a seasoned drinker throughout my life, and in my 60th year, I am in the camp that agrees that a sudden starving of ones liver of alcohol is absurdly dangerous…”

    Whether the ostrich is actually such an ass as to try burying its head with the idea of concealing itself, I don’t really know, but there is certainly a good deal of ass in an ostrich who won’t listen to good advice !

    Like

  5. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 27, 2013 1:49 pm

    I guessed you must be of my vintage Howzaaat because you speak such sound common sense. I suspect one of our number is more of an Oozlum bird than an Ostrich though !

    Like

    • howzaaat permalink
      February 27, 2013 2:39 pm

      Yup, probably ! August 1944 to be exact…

      You’ve known Chris a very long time, whereas I haven’t met him (yet…!), but an Ouzlum bird you reckon ? Fair dinkum — that would account for his rarity then !

      Like

  6. Rev. Jeff permalink
    February 27, 2013 4:01 pm

    Not rare enough some would say !

    Now Chris you must stop taking things so personally and responding in such a playground manner. Because you have let your annoyance overrride your common sense the first paragraph of your response has merely made my case for me. Because you have made money out of a lot of gullible ‘Hip Hop ‘ artists you claim it is an artform. It is no more an artform than the modern art you claim to despise so much. Hip Hop is doggerel set to a beat , neither good verse nor good music. As for making more money than I have I have never denied it. But what has it got to do with my comments ? Isn’t this simply lashing out because I have pointed up the whiff of hypocrisy surrounding your modern art comments? I do it out of friendship not malice.

    Like

    • February 27, 2013 8:37 pm

      My dear chap, As you, whom I have known for over 40 years, should know, I am one of the happiest people you could meet! I have had a great life, including my association with the rap world, I am married to a great girl who I have also known for over 40 years (despite the fact that she is still only 37). I have had a wonderful maverick career and have two great kids, and have made enough money to drag myself out of a council house and live between the south of France and Arundel.

      If I come over in the blog as petulant than that is down to poor writing! I like the idea of being controversial and that is what I set out to do. I do hate modern art and it’s fun to take a point of view and defend it against all comers (a technique I think I learned from you and Otway in my teens), but as you know it is all subjective. Personally, when I first saw rap happening in New York in 1986 it was great fun, an enormous party where these guys would ad lib for a minute against each other, insults were the name of the game and the aim seemed to be to get the best ad libbed put down, that sounds like a variation on our early relationship! I don’t enjoy it so much nowadays as it has become bitter and twisted, but I genuinely love some of the rap records we made.

      Always glad of a pithy comment, but basically it is all fun!

      Like

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