Prosthetic leg pulling

“I just need to walk up to the architects in Tarrant Street, do you want to come with me?” said that Nice Lady Decorator yesterday lunchtime. This had followed her earlier statement of intent, uttered in the most severe and determined tones at breakfast, that she was committed not to be tempted to have a drink before we head off to France on Friday.

“But that means  that we have to walk past the Kings Arms”  said I, in a fit of unaccustomed fear of what might occur should temptation prevail.  I hate to say I told you so, but that is the case for the defence.

As we walked past on the way back I could feel the temptation twitching and so it  came  to  pass that we diverted into the pub, just for the one you understand.

Just the one became, after a injudicious withdrawal to The Swan Hotel, also passed on a slightly diverted route home, to no more than 5. At least that is when I gave up counting. For the record I was in no way in favour of such backsliding but as regular readers will no doubt attest, my determination is somewhat lacking when it comes to temperance, and when one is faced with someone who is as committed to having her own way as that Nice Lady  Decorator, one’s backbone has a tendency to turn to putty.  To say she is a difficult to divert would be a bit like describing Himmler as a bit of a naughty boy.

It was at the Kings Head, in the presence of the landlord Charley “Pistorius” Malcomson that the question of pictures from the lunch with the Wyatt Earp of Arundel the day before, came to the fore.  Wyatt herself was nowhere to be seen and I  had not had the chance to review the pictures I had taken on my phone at that lunch the day before,  and it was only Charley’s chance mention of photographs that made me look at my iPhone, and this is one of the best I came across.

Nice Lady Decorator pulling a leg

You will see the reason why Charley is known as Pistorius. That Nice Lady Decorator has always had what some might call “an enquiring mind”.  Others might describe this trait as being nosey, but I count myself, for obvious reasons of self-preservation, amongst the first group. Whatever the grouping, I knew that at some stage,  that enquiring mind would overcome her undeveloped sense of reserve when tackling what others night consider taboo subjects. Charley’s motor bike accident in the mid 1980’s necessitated the amputation of part of his leg, a loss that many would have found devastating, but Charley has embraced the use of a prosthetic leg, and forged a career for himself as a very good pub landlord.  This was the scenario that I had most feared. An enquiring mind coming up against a fascinating fact, and the enquiring mind was not to be denied.

I suppose that once she discovered that the leg of the day was his leopard print version then the slippery slope was inevitable . What is more difficult to justify is the picture above. It seems that he has several false legs of different colours but had no idea; 1/ how much that Nice Lady Decorator likes animal print and; 2/ he would be forced into the position of revealing its colour and inner workings at a lunch, where the advantages offered by Currencies Direct and its foreign transactions service was hardly mentioned and 3/ to have it raised above his head during lunch.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News