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Quartermains Terms

January 5, 2013

The news that The launch of The Valbonne Monologues will be delayed due to a pixie camera problem (they are supposed to be magic, can’t they fix it?) has brought wailing and gnashing of teeth, well, from me anyway, but one good suggestion from regular follower Graham Coulson. He suggests the delay be put to good use in planning the marketing campaign for its eventual release (from well deserved captivity?).  He suggests the  placing of an advert for the book in National newspapers along the lines of  “millionaire seeks wife similar to the heroine in The Valbonne Monologues”. He guaranteed that sales will increase dramatically.

This has raised the whole notion of marketing for the book. So far, I have in mind a launch lunch attended by old pal and famous thespian Frazer Hines, who played Joe Sugden in Emmerdale  Farm and Jamie in early Dr Who, and to be sponsored by Currencies Direct, French Mortgage Xpress and The English book Centre in Valbonne.

The idea of using subterfuge to excite sales had not occurred to me, although here is true to say that I have always been a fan of Pinocchio. What worries me with Graham’s suggestion is that the heroine would presumably be that Nice Lady Decorator, whereas it is clear to me that the only person exhibiting heroism in the book is my good self, and that is mainly due to my daring to put my own name to it, unlike a certain stylish south of France friend and fellow author.  I do hope that other, more useful, suggestions may be received in due course.

Yesterday then, to London to roast the hides of those PPL people. Once toasted to my satisfaction, and with a great deal of scurrying about promised, and more importantly a gratifyingly large cheque promised at some indeterminate time in the future, I sought out older pal and idiosyncratic self marketing  expert Mr John Otway to help guide him in the next phase of his enigmatic career. We met in a pub in Southfields near his home in Wimbledon and discussed matters of great import over an alarming number of pints of beer, the content of which I do not recall as I write this report on my way back to Arundel on the train.   I am sure all will become clear when I receive an email from Mr Otway outlining the things to which I have purportedly agreed to undertake. I can remember that it involves a guerrilla assault on, and screening of, his film Otway The Movie at this years Cannes Film Festival, plus a performance or two with his Big Band at venues to be decided. What is truly concerning is to what extent I have committed my services to such a campaign.

Today I have been told we have decided to do a circular 4 mike walk, Starting and finishing at the George and Dragon at Houghton. I expressed some surprise at our decision to which we came without my apparent involvement in the decision-making process. I was told when she wanted my opinion she would give it to me, which I have to admit is consistent. Thus I am now looking forward to it ( it says here). It must be a sign, like the one I thought I could see in this starfish.

It's a sign

It’s a sign

Then next week I must begin packing for our jaunt to Tenerife, which will involve funding such unfamiliar garments such as shorts and short-sleeved shirts. Before that though we (that is as the royal we) have decided that we will go to Brighton on Tuesday evening to see Rowan Atkinson in a play called Quartermains Terms, but on her terms.

Chris France

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 5, 2013 10:27 am

    hi Chris anything I can do to help with the Pixies?


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