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Brad Wiggins impersonation

December 31, 2012

“The old ones are the best”, I said innocently as I asked that Nice Lady Decorator what she would like to drink last evening. It was just as the words had finished tumbling out of my mouth that I realised that in certain circumstances and with certain people, that statement could be misinterpreted. It was. She is, of course, still only 37, which by my calculations makes me a child snatcher.

It is an old joke, hence the expression, where I suggest white wine as her tipple because, as I have explained on more than one occasion, good red wine is wasted on girls. The better the wine, the bigger the waste. To be fair, that is not exactly how she sees it and with the liberal application of band aids and savlon, nobody will be able to tell what befell me last night, after this unwise statement of the obvious.

I had decided to open a rather nice 2005 at Emilion Grand Cru and was understandably anxious that it should be fully savoured and enjoyed, not just glugged and then to be the subject of a comment such as “haven’t we got an Australian wine we could open?” Luckily I received a lesson which should ensure that I understand the error of my ways.

We were celebrating (well, I was) the departure of both Sprog locusts, back to various New Year celebrations and colleges for the foreseeable future. I am glad I don’t have long distance foresight.  They will reconvene in February when we shall, as a family, depart to Meribel for a weeks skiing at half term. I shall be saving hard before such an inevitably cost unconscious occasion.

Once the locust infestation had been eradicated, after several false alarms when Sprog 1 reappeared to collect what he had forgotten, and once we were absolutely certain that they were gone, we popped out for a pint at the George and Dragon (although the dragon was not in evidence) at Houghton for a pint before returning for dinner, comprising a stir fry of whatever was left – and frankly that was not much.

beach at Clymping

Clymping beach

Cycling at Clymping (pictured above) in the morning was a valiant, but ultimately failed, attempt to enjoy a seaside cycle, but was overcome by the damage inflicted by the recent bad weather and high tides on the sea defences,  so I fear it will be off the list for my very personal Tour de France for the time being. With much of the work on reconstructing the foreshore, that has been taking place on the shoreline between Clymping and Middleton, now in tatters I fear I may have to find somewhere else to do my Brad Wiggins Impersonation. So far I have the sideboards and have taken to wearing my new bright yellow cycle clips, a small nod towards the gaudy unpleasant high visibility clothing these chaps all seem to wear, that I am certain Brad would favour if he saw them, but I guess he will never know.

As I suggested yesterday, a quiet evening was the order of the day so as to ensure that we are properly prepared for our house guests. The Savins, who arrive today . This evening we are to venture into the Bay Tree in Arundel, which looks nice but at which we are asking a bit if a risk, as we have not been there before. It does look pretty, just the sort of place that night be frequented by people sufficiently discerning as to understand immediately the benefit to them of opening an account with Currencies Direct for all their foreign exchange transactions, so I have high hopes. Then it will be 2013 and off we go again, another year older and another year poorer.

Chris France

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Rev. Jeff permalink
    December 31, 2012 3:11 pm

    ‘The better the wine the bigger the waste’.

    Or in your case change the spelling of the final word !

    Happy New Year to you and the family.


  2. howzaaat permalink
    December 31, 2012 5:23 pm

    Dear Fellow Followers,

    Having now read Chris’s first book, I’d like to present this cautionary ode intended to highlight the potential pitfalls that may lurk here for us during 2013 :-

    ‘Cave’ This Blogger

    There is a blogger sharp of mind
    As any writer you will find;
    We read him nearly every day –
    He’s quite amusing, that I’ll say.

    In daylight, he is kind to all,
    But as the twilight shadows fall,
    To prying grapevines he belongs
    And starts to write his neighbours wrongs !

    With ribald humour he’ll disclose
    All juicy gossip that he knows;
    He’ll even poke fun at his wife
    Despite the danger to his life !

    Beware this blogger’s false allure !
    Beware his awful exposure !
    Please, would-be victims, benefit:
    Beware this bloke’s acerbic wit !

    Happy New Year everyone.


    • December 31, 2012 6:36 pm

      A very fine ode! Thank you some kind words, and some slightly less kind! Happy New Year!


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