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Monstrosity alert

December 20, 2012

There is something in the genes that makes  plumbers unreliable. With the boiler messing around and with an 84-year-old aunt coming to stay we thought it best to have someone look at it. Diagnosis complete, money paid for the new part, a firm time for the repair to take place and then nothing. Home phone unanswered, mobile switched off, clearly he has been warped into another astral plane, a parallel universe accessed only by plumbers. We know where he lives but I guess we need him to return to earth to find out what happened. If you see me today, or rather smell me coming, no hot water is my excuse.

Lunch at Butlers in Arundel was slightly underwhelming. Nice place, attentive staff, but a dull menu saw me picking fish and chips for lunch.  There goes the low carb lunch option. It was however good to see Barry the Dolls House, co-owner of the group that publishes Dolls House World. He is a great hustler and schemer, and his latest new big thing is beads. At a recent show for bead suppliers, it seems 8000 people attended. Perhaps they are all in search of some marbles? He seems obsessed with marginal hobbies, and if that is the case then I should be able to think if something more interesting with which to be involved. What about flavoured condoms? Anyway, I listened intently as he also has a holiday home in Turkey so is a clear contender for the services of Currencies Direct. I am certain he did not misconstrue my sudden interest in beads.

Then of to Guildford College for the bad news. Sprog 1 has been fasting for the last couple of months, building up an unstoppable appetite for my beers, wine and food at Christmas, and clearly he has to conserve his energy. What I take an exception to is that he seems unable to wake up in the mornings with the result that his attendance  record at College is appalling.  Heads will roll. After administering the customary parental rocket, coupled with threats of the most dire nature designed to impinge upon a profligate  teenage lifestyle, we departed to pick up the aunt ready for the hot water that never came.

Auntie Pam likes proper beer and cricket so she is the dream relative She was happy to stop off for a pint of London Pride at a lovely old pub at Fittleworth (The Star or The Swan?), to discuss the merits of England’s very fine series victory over India in the recent finished test match series.  The combination if beer and cricket being the only thing that could distract me from the desperate weather. The conversation then turned towards Valbonne and I suddenly remembered that it is 17 degrees and sunny there this week and the English weather crowded in to depress me.

crap lights at Christmas

A Christmas nightmare

Some if you will have seen the picture  in this column yesterday of Arundel High Street, with its tasteful white lit Christmas trees adorning the walls of the shops and the Market square. All right thinking people know there is no substitute for white lights when it comes to Xmas decorations and I had though that genteel Arundel, with its wealth of period features and it’s classic old English style and ambience, would have no place for the occasional over the top gaudy light shows so beloved of the council house classes. I was shocked then to discover this monstrosity languishing in Maltravers Street.

What is going on in the mind of the owner?It is a fine old, I think, Georgian House with a classic facade, or it did have until an electrician, who had clearly overdosed on mind expanding drugs, decided to a create this utter waste of power. I once lived in a council house so I should have form,  but even I have no idea of what is going on the head of the creator. Maybe he lives with our plumber?

Chris France

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