Hand relief for Joey

It was probably the first ever blog posted whilst aboard an Airbus A 380. Yesterday’s column was published whilst I was en route from Dubai to London Heathrow on an Emirates double-decker, courtesy of their on board wifi.  The second leg, from Dubai to London, started well with a top Sancerre to keep that Nice Lady Decorator quiet (what am I saying? Of course it makes her noisy) and I was initially calmed by a delightful 2003 Haut Brion. I also love the bar at the back where we unwound after a 14 hour marathon from Sydney to Dubai, and from where I selected today’s photo, of Rachel “Lady In Waiting” Surtees giving some hand relief to a wallaby on Kangaroo Island.

Feeding wallabies by hand

We had to spend part of the flight in that bar in order to get away from some noisy brat kids that should have had a slap.  They certainly would if they has been mine. Actually, it was the parents that deserves the slap the most. It beats me how anyone can think that their kids making sufficient noise to disturb the whole population  of the upper deck of the plane can be amusing. Even with the headphones on and Ab Fab at maximum volume, I could still hear nearly every grimace-inducing shriek.

Back in the country and ready to work for a day or two before the vital unwinding for the Christmas break. Boy I have a hard life. It was almost inevitable that upon returning, and with jet lag an issue, plus having a pub next door, that we would want to reintroduce ourselves to the cold and damp that is England, and take some real ale that has not been frozen to within an inch of its life. My planned excuse was that I thought there may have been a potential Currencies Direct client at the bar, but it seemed I was mistaken, however, fate took a hand.

The nightmare began with a delay on the flight. It got worse when we discovered our chauffeur, collecting us from the airport, was a perky, cheeky, happy, chappy from Essex, who insisted on keeping up a stream of inane drivel all the way from Heathrow to Arundel. He compounded this with ignoring his sat nav thereby extending the trip by 15 minutes. By this time, we had travelled half way around the world, lost 12 hours due to time zone changes, been on the move for some 30 hours with little sleep and were not in the mood for mindless banter.  Can you imagine how we felt? And then the piece de resistance; we got into the house and… No water.

Having driven through a winter wonderland of snow and frost, the first thought was a frozen pipe. What to do? it was late afternoon and getting dark, we were exhausted, so I was sent to the pub to see if there was help to be had. A plumber at the bar was summoned and it appears that whilst we have been away, the house has been fitted with a water meter, but the water supplier had not bothered to turn on the supply. The least we could do, after he identified and fixed the problem, was buy the chap a drink and that concludes the case for the defence of why we had to go to the pub shortly after we got home.

One would hope for normality to return today, indeed that Nice Lady Decorator has, quite sensibly, decreed that today will be a day of abstinence, prayer, quiet contemplation and washing. However, I have overheard the scheduling of a gathering in the White Hart on Friday evening, I think I can wait.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News