Book launch shoes

I have bought myself some book launch shoes. Staying overnight in London gave that Nice Lady Decorator an opportunity for some retail therapy, and it was a chance she grabbed with both hands. She certainly needed two hands to carry all the booty to the station for the trip back to Arundel. Thus I could either twiddle my thumbs (it was too early for the pub, even for me) or join in and so I have some shiny gaudy new shoes and it is all her fault. I was going to try to describe them but they are so deeply unpleasant, and I like them so much I decided to take a picture of them instead. Girls be warned, this is what can happen when chaps have to join in the Christmas retail feeding frenzy.

This is what happens if I am forced to shop

Upon arriving home, I found I had received an email from our leader, the captain of the Nidderdale Taverners, the cricket team for whom I shall play in Australia in a few weeks time. It was addressed; “Dear Chris and Ian”. I think he was referring to that Nice Lady Decorator who, outside this column, is known as Issy. This means I am concerned on two counts; firstly, the implication that my partner could be a man, and, if that is not the case, then my wife has the name of a man. I responded to say that, at this stage, I would not mention this to her, so please keep it to yourself.

Following this in-depth exploration of the shops in the West End, and arriving back in in Arundel off the train, we headed for Clymping Beach to make the most of the fact that it was not raining. Exhausted thereafter, that Nice Lady Decorator suggested a pint at The Black Horse and I was so, drained by the days activities that I succumbed.

As of today, I have finished the book, now the battle will be to print sufficient numbers for the Christmas demand. I am projecting sales of up to 50 before the festive season has finished festering. Delusions of literary grandeur, caused by the 217th sale of my first book “Summer in the Cote d’Azur”, have forced me to consider producing a hardback version of this weighty tome, The Valbonne Monologues, this time containing pictures. A cynic might think that the inclusion of pictures will ensure that the suspects photographed will, for the large part (and here I exclude the Wingco for”ghastly” reasons) need to own a copy, and a cynic would be right.  But it is worse than that, or better from my perspective; most of the subjects whose pictures are included have families, and some even have friends. I am banking on the embarrassment factor. It is a similar phenomenon, although on a smaller scale, to a joke, video or picture going viral. You will note the genus of viral is virus. Maybe people should stock up with anti-bookotics.

Now all that remains is to finalise the arrangements for the launch party in Valbonne. Viv Frost has taken charge of arranging it on behalf on The English Book Centre in the village. As it stands we have a date; Friday the 14 December, so if any of you corporate types are looking for a wonderful sponsorship opportunity, get in now whilst the prices are high. No doubt desperation will set in within a week or so, but you never know. I already have two in the shape of French Mortgage Xpress and Currencies Direct, although the latter don’t know about it yet. I also have some wonderful quotes for the book jacket…

Chris France

@Valbonne_News