Designer lamp shade

One of the more interesting aspects of my recent pilgrimage to the freezing swampy depths up north was to witness first hand the local people’s ability to use ordinary everyday items in ways that those of us that can afford things like light fittings would never have considered. Have a look at this photograph below. At first look it may seem like somewhere to park your bucket (seldom now seen in the south – we have toilets), but if one looks carefully it has been adapted to be a light shade. Once they get electricity up there, I can see it catching on.

Surely all the water will leak out at this angle?

It is the idea of the designer at Oddfellows, a hotel and bar in Chester. Recently when a guest arrived there for a party and took in the environment of the hotel, and was then asked what she would like she said “half an hour in the designers mind”. Some people like to live dangerously.

Occasionally, even a fine physical specimen like myself requires running repairs and that sometimes requires the administration of  drugs. Ten days ago I went to the Arundel doctors surgery to make an appointment only to be told that there were none available for two weeks. Yesterday I tried again with the same result. When I remonstrated with the receptionist she promised to talk to the mythical doctor as I need some drugs. The phone call later was enlightening; because the doctor could not see me, I was to email my needs to the surgery and he would dispense the prescription. How to you spell cannabis?

A range of meetings in London took up my day yesterday. I learned about MP9 (what happened to MP5-8?) and a number of other incomprehensible terms never designed for a chap of my age to understand. Luckily now I have staff to take care of this type of digital gobbly-de-gook, so I was told I do not need to bother my pretty head with it.

I was sufficiently drained by events that lunch was an imperative which I took in downtown Bayswater. I had expected to be treated to lunch but I was wrong and a deal that I thought was going swimmingly is now shadowed by doubt. I doubt I can complete it as I had to buy my own lunch. They say there is no such thing as a free lunch, and this was no such thing.

Thereafter a meeting with old pal John Otway, fresh from his appearance on the red carpet for Otway The Movie at Leicester Square Odeon. The meeting inevitably got out of hand. I seem to recall a sudden dose of “Otway Fever” whereby the unlucky patient comes over all paternal and wants to help the great man’s career. I myself have had many serious attacks going back to around 1972 when it first struck and I paid for his first ever recording. The affliction took hold and  upon awaking this morning in my hotel room I think I may have volunteered to try to get Otway The Movie shown at the Cannes Film Festival next May. His claim, that all the fans wanting to come could be exposed continually to the message about the benefits to them of opening an account with Currencies Direct seemed entirely plausible at that late hour and with many beers and several glasses of a rather ordinary Merlot on board. So watch this space as the symptoms are very hard to shake off and will almost certainly last until the end of May 2013.

Chris France
@Valbonne_News