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Wilde writing deserves an Oscar

October 4, 2012

What to wear? With no style guru such as Mr Humphreys available, even if he was free, I will have to dress myself for the premiere of Otway The Movie on Sunday. Being a major star in the film, with a part reputedly running to some 8 seconds in total, my adoring public and the paparazzi will be keen to see what I am wearing on the red carpet outside the Odeon Leicester Square at midday. My feeling at the moment is the salmon pink trousers, cravat and smoking jacket, but I have not told that nice lady decorator. I have a feeling she may not approve. Might salmon pink clash with the red carpet? I may have to take a trip into Brighton in the next few to replenish and brighten the wardrobe. Us writers must look their best as I was saying to Oscar Wilde just the other day in Galway as my picture shows. Oscar was non-committal, even cold and distant but I know he feels the same.

Oscar Wilde contemplating the horrors of my fashion sense

One writer photographs another

I have now gone two and a half days without a drink. I can’t sleep, I am irritable, and I am thirsty, but help is at hand today with the arrival of Mr Clipboard aka Mr Clipbeard. Under pressure from some of my readership, now approaching 80,000 in total, I have decided to revert to referring to him as Mr Clipboard as it sums him up to a tee. That does not mean I have forgiven him for his leading part in my enforced beard removal debacle at the end of last year, causing his temporary name change, far from it, not forgiven, less forgotten. My time will come and revenge will be sweet. I still have that picture of him naked and dancing in a snowstorm….

But I digress. He is arriving in Arundel tomorrow morning whereupon there is a list of activities we will undertake under his carefully crafted itinerary, which I have failed to study but I know it involves lunch somewhere at sometime. I also know he is partial to a pint of Harvey’s and will not be driving, having of course delegated and commissioned a driver, namely his much more attractive and lovely wife Ashley, so a splendid prospect after such a dry 48 hours (actually it will be nearer 65 hours between drinks which I consider to be a dangerous precedent for my liver.)

We went yesterday to the surgery in Arundel to introduce ourselves. That nice lady decorator had made the appointment 10 days ago, however when I got there it was only for her, the first appointment I could get was 17th October. That is exactly 2 weeks away. I could be dead by then. I think I shall retain dear old Dr Ireland in Valbonne. I could fly over to France, make an appointing with the doctor, see a specialist, get blood tests done, get the results, get a diagnosis, have an operation, recover and fly back from France before I can see a doctor in England. A disgrace. I shall need the logistical forward planning skills of Mr Clipboard if ever I decide I shall be ill in England. Hopefully I shall be back in France before much else drops off.

My efficiency levels for Currencies Direct are at a low ebb. No one in Arundel appears to have any money and no one appears to have houses abroad, the natural habitat for chaps like me, agents for currency exchange experts, thus I am now freer to work on my music interests. However I am finding it all very time-consuming. I do hope it stops soon

Chris France


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