Gendarme restraint

Public school boys, don’t you just love them? Yesterday, aboard l’Exocet, the 47 foot long sailing boat owned by Master Mariner Mundell was like a public schoolboy reunion. Apart from the Master himself, there were two other of this particular species on board for the trip down to Tahiti Beach at St Tropez for lunch. You can identify them almost immediately.  They exude a misplaced sense of superiority and almost every conversation contains a reference “school sports” as I think they like to refer to buggery.

Endless stories emanated, with beatings, homosexual acts and disdain for those amongst us (oiks) who do not share in their bizarre pride of, and in some cases, clear enjoyment of, the public schoolboy antics lacerating their soul to the fore. It started early with a chap called “Largy”, who, given his ability to consume alcohol is clearly short for Lager, mentioning that he was about to go to Venice and wondering aloud if “man on man” would be possible in a gondolier. He is an old Harrovian which is to say we was at school at Harrow. I wonder if former Borstall inmates are called Borstallians?

On the voyage over I accused him of being half cut, but he said as he was jewish he was fully cut, and that was sufficient for me to “end” that particular conversation.

Allo allo, whats all this then?

By the time we got to the restaurant, his loud pronouncements on his chosen theme attracted the attention of the local gendarmes as my picture today captures. I suggest that Largy, the chap who seems to have lost his hair, is exhibiting a love of men in uniforms. At one stage he even made the subject of getting tied up to a mooring boy buoy sound a little tacky. His stated aim was to form the BBB party, a political organisation to Bring Back Buggery. I could go on as I have notes on my blackberry about “potage d’homme” and several other items, but enough is enough.

Once again, food of the highest calibre was served up at Tahiti Beach which will surprise many who unfairly consider that loud music, sand and great food do not necessarily go hand in hand. I include myself in the surprised category. The lack of wind meant that we had to motor instead of sail for much of the time, but on the way back in the evening there was sufficient wind for some excellent sailing. If only there had been a dearth of wind in Bluebell, our VW camper van which was our bedroom for the night, parked at Port De La Rague. I cannot go into detail, all I can say is that on this rare occasion, I was not to blame.

Before that, a nightcap aboard the boat at about 1am had to come to a premature end as the gendarmes were once again threatened by the owner of a nearby boat who understandably did not want to listen to the “Largy” theme, which had developed somewhat both in terms of the subject matter and volume. It seems if he has a volume control then it turns in one direction only.

Now, let’s talk about art. Today is the moment of truth for one aspiring artist who will no doubt be overjoyed to have their work selected to appear on the jacket of my second book, due to be unleashed on a largely unsuspecting public in November this year. The judging will take place today at Marina Kuilik’s painting studio at lunchtime today. I do so look forward to any event that is all about me. The event will be sponsored by Currencies Direct although they don’t know that yet.