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Champagne with an orange?

May 23, 2012

Tim Swannee (crazy name, crazy guy) from Home Hunts is running a holiday photo competition which is intended to win me a magnum of champagne. All that is required is that my dedicated readers vote for the photo I have submitted which I show again as my picture today taken in Cuba in March. I promise everyone who votes for the orange taxi in Havana will get a sop when I win. you can vote here.

The winning entry?

How many messages did I get today from people in England saying how hot it has been back in the old country?  I have no idea why, regular readers will know that I never complain about the weather wherever I am, it is not really very relevant, I am just content being alive and busy helping my fellow man stave off the banks by using Currencies Direct to transfer monies to and from abroad and with enough wine in the rack to keep body and soul together.

Talking of soul, the Reverend Jeff who obviously has a much more important soul than us atheists as he is presumably, in his opinion, more likely to get into the VIP area after his demise was involved in a discussion in the comments section of this column a few days ago. I am not sure of its context or relevance to anything here today but I was intrigued to be made aware of a news story about a Reverend with a nine-inch penis. If you think my mentioning it here is just being done to give me an opportunity to make some cheap gags at his expense then you would be entirely wrong, but only because I couldn’t think of any.

So then to the theatre tomorrow night to see a production of Deathtrap in Sophia Antipolis. It is a treat to get a bit of proper English theatre down here, so to support the South Of France English Theatre, I am trying to get a big cast together for Thursday night.

I could do with a Deathtrap of my own for a certain unwelcome canine who lodges in my household against my express wishes. Whilst we were away enjoying the cool and damp delights of Yorkshire, the house and dogs were being looked after by the Lucifer child as her father Peachy Butterfield describes her. The last time she was in charge she lost her dinner, a half-frozen chicken, to the evil Banjo who stole it from the kitchen whilst her back was turned, this time it was some fine Belgian chocolates, the remains of which he rather thoughtfully and colourfully deposited on my lawn ready for my return. Correct, he had not been adept or intelligent enough to remove the coloured silver paper surrounding each sweet. Luckily Terrence the Tractor was able to “deal” with these yesterday. That should confuse anyone with a metal detector.

Today I shall continue work on my second book. I have been searching for a title which I know has to include the word Valbonne so that Lin Wolff at the English Book Centre can sell it to unsuspecting tourists wanting a book about the village so last night I came up with a provisional title “The Valbonne Monologues”. I think it could do for Valbonne what “The Vagina Monologues” did for women. This should give Pinman and the Reverend, my two most prolific commentators on this column, something to go on today.

Perhaps tennis tonight now that the worst of the storms have abated, probably because the Cannes Film Festival ia coming to a climax (can I say that in the context of my new book title?).

Chris France

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Pinman permalink
    May 23, 2012 10:22 am

    title “The Valbonne Monologues”. I think it could do for Valbonne what “The Vagina Monologues” did for women,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    Combine the two………..”The Biggest Vagina in Valbonne”………..


  2. Rev. Jeff permalink
    May 23, 2012 12:25 pm

    Or even better and in a sense more accurate as he’s male (?) ‘The biggest dick in Valbonne….!


    • May 23, 2012 12:51 pm

      Nice to see my expectations of responses from yourself and Pin man were well founded….


  3. Rev. Jeff permalink
    May 23, 2012 12:27 pm

    ‘more likely to get into the VIP area after his demise…..

    Very Impressive Penis…..I’m flattered …..


  4. Pinman (With a nod to Reverend Jeff)........ permalink
    May 23, 2012 12:41 pm

    A man who was granted a wish for a 9 inch penis by a deaf fairy
    ended up with a very small piano player…………..


  5. Pinman permalink
    May 23, 2012 12:59 pm

    “Nice to see my expectations of responses from yourself and Pinman were well founded”

    That’s a very tame response from a literary master-hand…….!!


  6. Pinman permalink
    May 23, 2012 3:25 pm

    Well, you are quite adept at playing with your own……………………

    words !


  7. Rev. Jeff permalink
    May 23, 2012 3:44 pm

    Well I assume he always have his dic-tionary to hand……..


  8. Pinman permalink
    May 23, 2012 3:57 pm

    A shorter Oxford, of course……………..


  9. Pinman permalink
    May 23, 2012 6:09 pm

    Did you flash past me in your top-down-tart-cart heading for Valbonne from Muggins..??


    • May 24, 2012 8:20 am

      I have had the top down in my tart car, it may have been me, I suppose you were aware of a presence?


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