Spot the acne

Duck wraps for supper. I would have thought that with all those feathers they would not need wraps. I may duck down tomorrow to avoid just chastisement for a terrible joke, maybe someone will throw duck eggs at me, then the yoke would be on me. Can you tell that nothing much happened yesterday? Usually when I sit down to write this column I have any number of events, comments or gossip to report, but when you don’t really leave the house, don’t have a drink and don’t see anyone, writing is a lot harder.

The only thing we did today before heads down working on Currencies Direct was to go walking in the Valmasque with that infernal cocked up cocker spaniel belonging to that nice lady decorator, the monstrous mutt Banjo and the lovely obedient servant the English springer spaniel and mans best friend Max, always obedient when he could hear but now sadly a bit old and a bit deaf. We talked this morning about perhaps getting Max a bell to go on his collar so we can find him as he is not hearing our calls and that made me think that we should also make some sort of provision for that nice lady decorators disobedient disgrace of a hound, the smelliest and most wet mouthed (read gobby) dog there has ever been. I got into a bit of trouble when I suggested that perhaps as a special treat we could get him a  wild boar costume to wear when we were out walking, particularly in the  hunting season. She did seem to realise that it was a joke, as it was not, but it quickly became a joke when I saw the thunder clouds begin to form around her.

My picture today is another taken at the Antibes Yacht Show last week and is another piece of pretentious modern art. I am afraid that I cannot think of any reason why she (it is a she is it not?) has a load of snails in her hair, but I do know she could do with some Savlon for that spot on her forehead. You certainly can fool some of the people most the time.

Lady with carbuncle

More fall out yesterday from the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame’s failure on Saturday to invite or even inform the widows of two new inductees to their induction ceremony. The significant other halves of Ronnie Wood and Steve Marriott were conspicuous by their absence from the concert and presentation, due to the failure of the organisers to invite them (or me, their representative) a situation that was described as “disgusting” by one leading Small Faces fanzine and Reuters have asked me to comment.  The daily’s cannot be far behind.

Having managed to avoid the gory gravel graveyard due to inclement weather and the final touches being made to the new drains I should have been elated, but it is like having a dentists appointment postponed, you are delighted on one hand but you know it is just a matter of time before the pain commences. In fact it is worse. I think I would rather get it over and done with, description that covers something far more fulfilling.

So today I fear I shall not be able to delay it any longer. All the usual excuses have been trotted out and dismissed and I can feel the backache starting before I have even lifted a shovel. Ten trailer loads I have estimated as the amount required to cover most of Provence and it all starts tomorrow. Anyone wanted to chip in, get stoned, or enjoy a good stoning with me are welcome.

Chris France