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Tennis result shock

March 29, 2012

Tennis doubles can be so exacting, even on a beautiful sunny and warm spring evening at the rather deserted Vignale Tennis Club. The problems if they arise always lie with having to rely on one’s partner. Normally I would be entirely content that the colossus at the net, my usual tennis partner, the Wingco, one half of the MOGS, the Moustachiod Old Gits would have been there as an utterly dependable stooge who, with the benefit of my tireless running and mastery of the deep lob (as opposed to the half lob which apparently refers to something completely different) usually enables us to steer to victory.

With the Wingco unavailable, a new partnership needed to be forged. If I had cared to focus the warning signs were there immediately.  Our leader and organiser dancing Greg Harris head honcho at Cote d’Azur Villa Rentals and a Currencies Direct affiliate, likes to win almost as much as I, and hates to lose almost as much as I as well. I should have known when there was clear collusion between dancing Greg and Blind drunk Lemon Milsted to play together, so to speak. An incomprehensible partner selection charade then took place to confirm that I was to be left with Nick Goult as my partner for the evening with whom I had not played before. It was a partnership destined to end in a quickie divorce. Nick was previously an unknown quantity to me (and in tennis terms I wished it had stayed that way) but clearly not to the others, and if I am frank, it is not a quantity with any quality. Fine architect he may be but he is as suited to tennis as well as I imagine Twiggy would be suited to weight lifting. His serving was an art form. Perfect little lobs, most of which hit the net ensured that each of his service games was lost, mainly to love and despite my courageous and athletic efforts the nominal result may have gone against us as a team whilst personally I triumphed. I have a picture today of another tennis playing entity whom I suspect may have contributed more on the court that my partner.

Anyone for tennis?

I did not make this point about this victory last night in La Source where we adjourned for a couple of beers afterwards as frankly I had not thought of it then, so had to endure some rather vulgar exhibitions of triumphalism from Dancing Greg and Blind Drunk Lemon. How can this be I hear you ask, how can I actually have won personally? Simple, we played two sets losing 6-4, 6-4, but as I was individually responsible for all 8 games we won out of the total of 20 played, on a pro-rata basis I won more games than anyone. I know this will be a bitter pill for my opponents to swallow but life can be harsh, although not that harsh now I am back in the benign embrace of the south of France.

Master Mariner Mundell sailed into view at La Source still claiming that he is personally responsible for 8% of world-wide sales of my book at the Premier Mardi event last month. He was very excited to discover that the next Premier Mardi event will be on April 3rd, again at La Pomme Rouge Deli in Valbonne when once again I shall be in attendance. I hope that those poor women who were strong armed into parting with 10 Euros for a copy of my book (or in one notable case 10 Euros for him to go away) will forgive me. He has been dismissed as my sales manager so you are safe.

Chris France

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