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Papering over the cracks?

January 21, 2012

Given the terrible disaster playing out just along the Italian coast, and my sons interest in models, I rang the up market  toy shop in Valbonne and asked if they had any construction kits of the Costa Concadia. The shop assistant said he had one left so I asked him to put in on one side for me.

I am not to blame for that joke, it is the clear responsibility of my chief researcher Peter Lynn. Earlier in the week he had already sent me some very tasteless jokes on the same theme that were very funny but far too controversial for this column.

So to Wayne and Lucy’s the Red Radish Secret Supper, so secret that everybody with whom I came into contact knew about it. Wayne Brown with another marketing masterstroke, It was a fun evening, however the fun turned to horror for me when I discovered that a copy of my book had been stolen and placed in the smallest room in the house accompanied by a rough hand-written sign inviting users of the facilities to use the pages for….well I hesitate to say exactly for what private activity but I think you may smell a rat so to speak. I took this picture it in situ as evidence should the police wish to press charges for this crime.

The toilet tissue is obviously for drying the tears of mirth when reading that book

Jill Barber, Canadian singer songwriter sang beautifully, and I was unlucky enough to be seated next to Tony “I invented the internet” Coombs
whose birthday it became after midnight.  I put it him that this must mean that it also the birthday of the invention but answer came there none.

Earlier in the day I was dragged from my kennel office to be a lumberjack. “Just a few branches” she said but within minutes the longest triple section ladder in the world was out and I found myself teetering on the top most rung with a bow saw in my hand. I am not saying it was high but I could see the coast of Africa. In an attempt to get something rewarding from the experience I did my utmost to get the enormous bough through which I had been commanded to saw to land on the heinous hound Banjo, but I suspect he realised he was in danger. Just as the monstrous oak was beginning to go I called him over, but he remained obstinately out of range. A triumph for poor training. What on earth that nice lady decorator sees in that crappy cretinous cocker I shall never understand.

Monday sees me at the Internations networking event in the early evening at Hotel Juana at Juan Les Pins. I have not attended any of their networking events for some time and I thought it may be a fertile source of new business for Currencies Direct, and I may take a few books with me as well. The stock is dwindling fast, and not because of my using the recycling facilities as suggested by some of my friends, indeed two more sales yesterday brought the total sold to 141.

So the weekend is upon us and I am expecting a quiet one. MIDEM is moving into view started in Cannes next weekend. I shall no doubt be entertained to dinner eventually at my expense by my northern Jewish lawyer All Yiddley who hails from the very Jewish are called Allwoodley near Leeds. It seems that Joss Stone will be at this annual music biz junket this year and will be talking at some event.I think I would prefer her singing.

Chris France

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Pinman permalink
    January 21, 2012 12:03 pm

    “What on earth that nice lady decorator sees in that crappy cretinous cocker I shall never understand.”

    …………….But what about the dog ??

    P S If I were the Peter Lynn named as your researcher of tasteless jokes I would never send another one. FIRST rule of journalism……….never divulge your source !!


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