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She went hemispherical

September 27, 2011

That nice lady decorator has insisted on spring cleaning. I pointed out that this was not exactly spring but she said it was spring somewhere in the world, I think she is becoming hemispherical. If I said that to her however, I think I would feel the sharp pain of a slap which starts just around her hip and does not stop until it comes into contact with something (or usually somebody) yielding. I do not understand why the female of the species become so sensitive to any implication that they may have anything other than the perfect shape. As we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and at my age anything you can get to behold is a bonus.

Anyway, back to the spring cleaning. It is a fact that all those useful leads, tools, screws, bulbs and tools for getting stones out of horses hooves and sundry other items that I had carefully stored away in one small drawer for that moment when you need them, are vital to my well-being.  It is equally certain that the garage full of rubbish that she insists on storing is never inspected, except when she intends to do a car boot sale. These are of course disasters, because being a collectormaniac or whatever the word is, she is by nature a hoarder and so cannot resist a bargain. The result is inevitably that the attempt to off load some rubbish onto those poor unfortunates that scour these events is off set by the number of so-called  “bargains” that she able to secure, with the effect that she usually brings even more rubbish back that she had when she set out. At least she will say brightly, “we have enough to do another car boot sale now”. Female logic; a contradiction in terms?

As it happens I have a picture today of the car boot sale taken in Valbonne last Sunday. There was an interesting hat on this stand, I wonder if that nice lady decorator was tempted?

A vide grenier, literally "to empty the attic" in Valbonne

Today I journeyed in to the centre of Antibes on vital Currencies Direct business and am happy to say that I have saved another poor unfortunate from the evil grasping tentacles of their banks when it comes to foreign exchange transfers. The firm have become so impressed with the power of my rhetoric and my general promotional ability that they have suggested that their stand at the rather aptly named The France Show at Earls Court in London in January should perhaps pay host to my signing copies of my book, “Summer In the Cote d’Azur” available now for Kindle and Ipad from Amazon and available in paperback from Halloween onwards.

On Wednesday, we should be able to finalise all the details of the literary launch, or literary paunch as that nice lade decorator refers to it at a meeting at the Cafe des Arcades. Already we have enough people clamouring for tickets and the opportunity to purchase a first edition of my first novel that we have sufficient numbers to fill half the capacity of Les Temps des Mets and that is without commencing the burgeoning advertising campaign that will shortly blitz the whole area. I shall be meeting with the local literary brains, Viv and Matt “Cornish Tsunami” Frost from French Mortgage Express to fine tune the details of the lunch and the advertising campaign. He was most put out that the meeting was not to be staged in the Valbonne wine bar La Kavanou or the Queens Legs, but as I explained, there is plenty of time for that when the real details will be decided.

Chris France

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